Today is your day to make some decisions! If you struggle with decisions, today is the day to get over the struggle. I’m giving you three decisions that you can make today, that will make your life infinitely better, and heal your body, mind, and soul.
1. Stop Lying
Liars don’t heal. ~Carolyn Myss
Stop lying to yourself about your life. Stop lying to yourself about your job. Stop lying to yourself about your marriage. Stop lying to yourself about your kids. Sometimes we so get into the habit of not living in the truth of who we are, that we basically learn how to live sort of mediocre lives. We basically learn how to live a lie.
When I read that quote, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Learning to live with integrity and learning to live with intention, learning to actually walk the talk, learning to actually do the things you say are important, and learning to live as if they’re actually important, is the way we heal. So often we don’t live that way.
When I was practicing medicine, there was a part of that whole lifestyle that I loved very much. I loved the recognition. I loved the income. I loved being with people. I loved working in an office. I loved dressing up every day to go into an office. I loved science so much. I loved figuring out how things worked. It seemed like it should be the perfect fit for me.
It seemed like it, but I was miserable. You know why I was miserable? Because I missed my kids, and because I would miss so much during the day. At that point, both Stevie and I were working a lot, and there were so many things about it that I didn’t like.
I hated to admit it because I’d just spent 13 years of my life getting a degree. I’d spent a lot of money, and hours upon thousands of hours to do this. There were parts of it I loved doing, yet it was a lie to me in my heart. I knew it, but I didn’t know how to fix it, because how do you fix a giant lie like that?
When I started to untangle myself from it I got a lot of flack. People decided that it was a bad decision, and that I shouldn’t have gone through all that training if I was just going to give it up.
Here’s what I know after all these years, God’s the one who made me love these kids like crazy and couldn’t stand to be without them, he gave me that. Not everybody feels that way. I still work, and I’m still separated from my kids, but I do it in a way that’s honest for me.
Going to an office every day just wasn’t how I am wired emotionally, so I’m not casting judgment on anybody else’s choices at all. I’m so glad we have female doctors that are out there, but what I know for myself is, that’s not how I’m wired, and I wasn’t living the truth of who I am and how I made.
It’s so true in so many areas of our lives.
We are dishonest in relationships.
We blame other people for how we feel.
We think we’re entitled to a certain kind of life.
There are so many ways every day that we’re not living in accordance with what we say we believe, or what we say is important, or what we say is the value that we want to live by.
I do it too, so here’s the thing. We can make ONE really important choice, that then makes a hundred choices for us.
When I was actually practicing medicine, I was the most unhealthy maybe that I’ve ever been, which is kind of an oxymoron. Why? Because I was living completely stressed out, I wasn’t cooking any food at home, I didn’t value sleep, I wasn’t getting regular exercise, all the things that I know actually make you healthy.
I was supposed to be a purveyor of health, and I was doing none of them. So my patients would come in, and I would tell them what they should do, but I was not a practitioner of it.
What I’ve discovered about myself in the last few years is, I’m a healer. That’s how God made me. I’m a healer and I love helping myself heal, and helping other people heal. The way I can do that with the most integrity, and with the most intention, and with truth, is to live it.
So today I got up and I made a tiny little decision to go to the gym. And then I made another tiny little decision to eat a chicken breast and some spinach and tomatoes for lunch. Tonight I’ll make a tiny little decision to go to bed early.
I’ll spend some time today reflecting on God’s word and meditating on a Psalm. I meditate on that because I really am interested in living what I actually think is true.
2. Stop waiting on other people.
You’re not entitled to anything.
Nobody’s to blame for your life.
Stop waiting for somebody else to do something.
Stop waiting for somebody else to change.
Stop waiting for somebody’s opinion of you to change.
Stop waiting for somebody to stop rejecting you.
Stop waiting for somebody to give you permission.
Stop waiting for somebody to do anything.
You don’t need any of that. What you need is for YOU to take responsibility for the life that YOU want to live, fully and intentionally, in wholeness. You need to do that. Nobody needs to do anything else.
We have to stop waiting for other people to do what we think they need to do so we can do what we need to do. No, no, and no. As a matter of fact, some of you put your life on hold because your kids are all messed up, and they’re not doing what they’re supposed to do, or because you feel like your marriage is in a weird place, or because you feel like your job is in a weird place.
You know who’s in a weird place? You are. And you know who can fix it? You can. You can fix it. It’s all just deciding that this is exactly the life you’re supposed to have right now, and living it with all your heart, with integrity, with intention, the way you say you think it should be.
3. Stop looking back
Let me tell you something about your past, there’s nothing there. All it is are thoughts you have in your head. Stop living there. Why? Because you’re using the past as evidence for what you can and can’t do right now.
You’re using the past to blame.
You’re using the past to make excuses.
You’re using the past to live in depression.
You’re using the past to live in anxiety.
You’re using the past to live in fear.
The past does not exist except in your head, except in your thoughts. The only way that you can live in the past is to keep thinking the thoughts of the past. Why would you do that to yourself?
You need to have enough respect for yourself and love for yourself that you say, “No more! I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to keep saying those things over and over. I’m not going to keep reliving that memory over and over. I’m not going to keep blaming that person over and over. I’m not going to keep resenting over and over and over.”
What happens when we do that is, we think that we somehow can punish the people that did this to us. You’re punishing you. You’re keeping yourself from your incredible, amazing present life! You only have one chance to do this day. It’ll never quite be like this again.
I thought about this when I was at the gym this morning, there probably will never be exactly that combination of people there again, in that state of being, in that state of generosity, and love, and community, I don’t get to do this again.
Why am I going to go back and live something that’s not even there and forsake what’s actually here right now? So you just decide.
You don’t need years of therapy. I did years of therapy. It didn’t help. I’m not saying that you might not need some therapy sometime, but I’m saying that in order to get over the past, it’s a thought in your head, and you just DECIDE that you’re going to live from your amazing, beautiful, grateful, generous, abundant, loving, present. You can make right now whatever you want!
A little primmer on decisions...
Decisions aren’t hard, YOU JUST DECIDE. You just stop waiting and you decide. Here’s what I’m doing. How can I make today better?
You don’t need anybody’s permission, you don’t need anybody to change, you don’t need the relationship to iron itself out, you don’t need this job to figure itself out, you don’t need any of that.
You’re capable of creating the reality that you want. You ARE creating the reality that you want right now! The question is, will you take responsibility for it and actually do it? Or will you keep blaming? Will you keep feeling entitled? Will you keep comparing? Will you keep judging? You can do either one you want.
I promise you, if you will stop waiting and start living, you can have the life you want today.
I want you to do some soul searching this week. I want you to think about what decisions you are making, right now, and every day, that are keeping you stuck. You’re making some.
You’re eating the same food that’s keeping you sick and is keeping you stuck. You’re still not getting exercise that you know would make a difference. You’re deciding to still live in resentment. You’re deciding to hold your husband hostage. You’re deciding to have expectations of everybody else so that you can feel better. You’re deciding that you don’t like your job, so you’re miserable, and you make everybody else miserable. You’re deciding to hold a grudge against your best friend because she didn’t invite you somewhere. You’re deciding that you’re angry with one of your kids because they didn’t behave how you thought they knew to.
You’re hindering your present joy on a million things that are outside of your control, when you could just lay hold of it, and have it right now.
That’s the power of the choices that you make every day. You make one amazing, beautiful choice, and it makes a hundred more for you.
I remember when I became a Christian. One, what seemed like little tiny choice, has now made a thousand choices for me. The power of choosing what you want in your life, and doing it on purpose, and letting that choice reverberate and reverberate and reverberate is incredible.
So what little decisions, that turn out to be actually big decisions, can you make today, that will make a thousand choices for you in the future, and will give you the life of service, and love, and generosity that you actually want?
If you’re still feeling stuck, watch this!