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5 strategies to stop the overwhelm & get more done

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I don’t know about you, but the start of a new school year gives me LIFE!

I love the newness of it and the chance to start some new habits or to make some old ones better.

I also know that it feels overwhelming to many of us because here we are back in the land of lunches and karate and homework and dinner plans and laundry piles.

I took a little survey yesterday on Facebook and asked what struggles my friends have as it relates to productivity and, boy was it eye opening.

As moms with a full plates, we collectively feel overwhelmed with a lack of focus and follow through. We are plagued with procrastination and then the perpetual guilt of not getting done what we say we’re going to get done.

As a veteran mom and business owner, I know overwhelm. But over the last few years, I’ve been able to find systems and strategies that have made me highly productive without the all the drama of “busyness” and overwhelm.

I’m sharing those five strategies today, so buckle up and take some notes!

As a mom-preneur running a multiple six-figure business from home, I work out everyday, cook dinner nearly every night and work way less than full time and these strategies make it possible for me to do that. I struggled for years with this, but finally figured out how to throw away my to do list and GET MORE DONE!

I can’t wait to share with you how I—

  • prioritize my life
  • create for myself a positive mindset towards time
  • make a plan every week that allows me throw away my TO DO list
  • work with laser focus to honor my commitments to myself
  • leave myself plenty of time to play, relax, make food, exercise, etc

Let’s dive in!

What does it actually mean to be PRODUCTIVE?

Productivity is the results you actually PRODUCE.

And most of the time when you’re filling out your to do list, you’re not writing what you want to produce. You’re just saying, “Oh, I need to work on this and then I need to work on this and then I need to work on my closet and then I need to spend time in my kitchen working on organizing that.”

But you don’t give yourself a result that you expect to produce at the end of that time. And as a result, you probably don’t produce anything at the end of that hour or day.


So what we want to help you sort of change your mindset around is what it actually means to be productive. It means to produce a result. And I think the thing that has helped me so much about this is that when you actually produce a result, you feel very energized versus when you have a long to do list of things that you never quite finish.

When I used to live with a never ending to do list, I would just beat myself up everyday that I didn’t get very far through the list. That made me exhausted and tired. And when you function with an ongoing forever to do list, it’s not very energizing.

But here’s what I will tell you. When you get something done that was on your list and you actually produced the result, that is very energizing.

So we’re going to talk about the process of how I do that.

Prioritize your life


This step is going to help you get the RIGHT things on the list and take EVERYTHING else off.

One of the ways to get some clarity on this is to make of time journal of YESTERDAY or last week and compare that to what you say are your priorities. For example, it’s really important to me that I take care of myself and I exercise and eat well. Does my schedule over the last few days reflect that? It’s really important to me that I prioritize my relationships and I spend time with people I love. But when I look at my actual calendar, is that reflected in how I spend my time?

So, take some time and write down everything you did yesterday and then ask yourself— is what I say my priorities are? Are those really my priorities? Is that really how I’m spending my time?

It’s so true the old saying that the way you spend your days is the way you spend your life.

And are we doing that on purpose and really accomplishing the things that we want to accomplish and prioritizing the things that we really do think are important? So if I say it’s important that I take care of myself and I live a healthy lifestyle, well did I go to the gym? Did I do some exercise? Did I sleep well? Did I prioritize real food? So how did I actually spend the day versus how do I say I think things are important.

Also, when it comes to prioritizing your life, you need to figure out what needs to STAY on your list and what needs to GO.

Do a brain dump or a thought download of everything that’s swirling through your head. Everything you need to do that’s causing you to feel overwhelmed. GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND ONTO PAPER.


Everything that you need to get done, get it all out of your brain.

The reason you feel overwhelmed is because you don’t write it down or you write it down on a never ending to do list and never put it in your calendar.

So I want you to get everything out of here and get it on paper, okay? When you get it on paper, I don’t want you to then start putting it right into your calendar just yet. I want you to then decide, does this fit with the priorities I say I have. Is this really important? Then ask yourself, is this something that I personally have to do? Could my kids do it? Perfect example today, I sent my teenager to the grocery store because that was something I couldn’t take off the list, but it didn’t have to be done by me.

There are certain things that only I can do.

Only I can work out my body, only I can spend time with my kids and my husband, only I can sleep for me. But there are so many things that somebody else could do. So could you delegate it? Could one of your kids do it? Could your husband do it? Could you pay somebody to do it?

I can’t tell you how much time and overwhelm it has saved me to really look at my list and figure out what doesn’t even need to be on the list. So, think of it this way, when you’re decluttering your house and you sort of take everything out and you make these piles, it’s going to be way easier to organize. And I promise you that a lot of the things on your schedule are things that don’t need to be there.

If you’re an overwhelmed mom who’s working full time, do you need to be making homemade cupcakes for your second graders class? Probably not. Unless that’s something that really energizes you and gives you energy. But if you’re going to forsake sleep for it and you’re going to halfway resent that you have to do it, delegate it. Buy the cupcakes. Better yet, send somebody else to buy the cupcakes.

There’s probably a lot of things on your list that don’t even need to be there. So after you make this list, I want you to cross everything off that you can either delegate that doesn’t need to be on the list at all, that totally is not really in alignment with what you say are your priorities.

Prioritize the list means you prioritize your life. What you do every day becomes what you do in your life.

Plan your time

The 2nd way to get more done is to plan your time.

Now some of you are going to say, I don’t have time to plan.

You don’t have time not to plan.

And I usually do this either sometime over the weekend or on Monday morning. A lot of times I do it on Sunday evening. I take the list from #1 that has all the stuff that I crossed off that I don’t need to do or that somebody else can do and then what is left, I put in the calendar.

And then I can throw away the list. What needs to get done by me is now on my calendar for the week. So let me give you an example. This week, probably like you, I had so many things that were still left on my list. I had to emails to write, videos to make, classes to teach, an ebook to finish.

One of the things that was really overwhelming me this week is that by Friday, I set this goal that I needed to write this little ebook by Friday. I’m writing a five-day challenge on living your purpose and I’m so excited about it. The content is so good, but I need to write it out all in one PDF. And that was swirling around in my mind like, “That’s going to take forever. I so don’t have time to do that this week.”

But I gave myself a deadline that I needed to do it by Friday and once I did that, I found these two-hour blocks in my schedule where I’m going to work on it. Now, I don’t feel overwhelmed because it’s IN MY CALENDAR and I’ve taught myself over the years to honor my calendar.

Now, here’s something really important with planning. You say, “Well, Dr. Edie, how long does it take to write a PDF?”

It takes as long as you give yourself.

So what I did is I gave myself a two-hour block on Thursday and a two-hour block on Friday to finish it. I don’t know how long it takes to write an ebook, but apparently it takes four hours. And here’s what I promise you, when it comes to planning things like this, if you will really teach yourself to focus (which is actually the fourth strategy) you will get so much more done in a specific amount of time.

When you say, “In this two hours, this is the result that I’m going to produce is I’m going to have half of this PDF done.”

Another example, this morning I had to write an email. It needed to go out today. I gave myself 45 minutes. That’s all I had. Guess how long it takes to write an email? 45 minutes apparently.

It actually didn’t even take that long. And I can tell you that over the years I haven’t been as consistent in the past about sending emails because I would give myself FOREVER to write them. It might take me five hours because I didn’t set a deadline to produce a result. I just said, “Work on email today.” And then Maybe I couldn’t find the right photo I wanted to use. Maybe I couldn’t find the right words. But, when I give myself a hard and fast deadline—like, it has to be done in 45 minutes. Guess what? It gets done in 45 minutes.

And done is better than perfect.

So when you’re planning out your time, you just give yourself an amount of time to do it. An hour, two hours. Most things can be done in that amount of time.


How long does it take to clean your closet out? As long as you give yourself. Right? So, just decide, I’m going to take two hours to clean my closet out. I’m going to take an hour to make our vacation plans and do all the calling and whatever. Get in the habit of planning things and giving yourself a certain amount of time.


The other thing that I love about planning is that you’re making your decisions ahead of time. So you’re deciding ahead of time on Thursday, from one to three, I’m going to write a PDF. I make that decision ahead of time, which makes it easier than trying to decide on Thursday IN THE MOMENT what I want or need to do.

The other powerful thing about deciding ahead of time is that your brain will go to work for you because it knows your intention is to get this done this morning. When I look at my calendar for tomorrow and I know I have to make a video about productivity, my brain starts helping me by coming up with ideas. It’s a super powerful thing.

Planning also doesn’t let you indulge in perfectionism.

You have one hour to get this done and that’s it. It won’t be perfect, but it will be done.

Positive time mindset


We have to stop saying, “I’m so overwhelmed. I’m so busy. I’m never going to get this done. This is so hard. I have so much to do.”

We have to stop saying that because that is how we indulge in confusion and overwhelm. If you say that all the time, your brain is going to prove you right. Your brain is going to go, “Oh, we’re overwhelmed. We never get anything done. We never finish our list.” And you won’t because your brain likes to be right, so if you tell it over and over how busy you are and how you don’t have time to gets things done, you’ll be right. If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.

So instead, before I start my work, I create the feeling of motivation and inspiration before I start working by telling myself something positive as it relates to time. I didn’t wake up feeling inspired and motivated. I create inspiration and motivation by saying to myself, “I have something really awesome to share with my people and I’ve got to get this done in 45 minutes so that I can share this awesome tidbit with them.”

I create that feelings I want by how to talk to myself about time and my work. Starting your day with that kind of positive mindset versus, “I’m so overwhelmed. I’m so busy. I’m never going to get it all done.”

We must tell ourselves what we want ourselves to think about our day and about our time. How do I want to think about time?

I have plenty of time. I have plenty of time to get my work done. I have plenty of time to go to CrossFit. And cook food. And make lunch for my husband. And hear about my daughter’s day. I trust myself to honor my calendar and do what I say I’m going to do.

You tell yourself what you want yourself to believe about time instead of telling yourself that you’re overwhelmed and that you don’t have enough time.

Power Focus Hour

Here comes the magic. When it comes time to honor your calendar and do that one thing on your list, ONLY DO THAT ONE THING. So when I was writing the email this morning, I wasn’t checking Facebook. Or scrolling Instagram. Or watching Netflix. I had one job. Write the email in 45 minutes.

I promise you that when you train yourself to do this, you will so much more done. But, this takes practice. When I started training my brain this way of getting things done, it was about 7 years ago. I read the book, Getting Things Done and I was so motivated to start this method.

The first year I practiced this way of productivity, I was maybe 20% better at doing it. The second year, I was 30% better at doing it. The fourth year, I was 40% better at doing it. Do you see what I’m saying? Be patient with yourself. You’re not gonna all of a sudden tomorrow create this system and then be able to execute it perfectly. And that’s okay. Just take baby steps.

Today, years later, I can get things done fast and I feel energized after I do it.

But even so, when I got up this morning, I didn’t wake up going, “Oh, I feel so motivated to write an email.” No, it’s 6 o’clock and it’s time to write an email, so I have to generate the thoughts and emotions that I want to do that, and I have to purely focus until I get that done, and not be distracted.

Don’t indulge in distraction or procrastination. Just tell yourself I have 45 minutes and I have to get this done and once you start practicing that, you will learn that you can trust yourself.

I know that I am highly productive now because I can trust myself. I can trust that the at the end of today, everything that was on my calendar, I got done because I didn’t do a million things, but only the three main things I was supposed to do today. And I didn’t feel overwhelmed. I felt energized.

Think of how you feel when you decide you’re going to clean out your closet and you get it all done. You feel like, okay, what else can I do? What else can I attack? It’s so energizing to actually get things done.

But you must train yourself to focus and do one thing at a time.

When you’re doing your task—no scrolling, no notifications, no phone calls. Don’t let yourself indulge in distractions. And then after that hour is over, you’re going to have all the time in the world to do whatever you want. I don’t think it’s wrong to be scrolling Instagram. I love to scroll Instagram, but I love to scroll Instagram after I get my work done and then I’m like, yes, I can just sit here and be mindless and scroll Instagram because I earned it because you know I got my work done.

So give yourself the gift of FOCUS and see what’s happens to your productivity.

Play, relax, waste time

Get your stuff done and then purposefully waste time, if you want. Purposefully scroll through Instagram because you did your work or purposefully sit down for two hours and read a book or take a nap. You should have plenty of rest time. But schedule the rest time in instead of living with this ongoing to do list that you never finish.

You now have time to play and relax and waste time if you want and you can do it with peace of mind, instead of overwhelm. When you prioritize your life, plan your time, cultivate a positive mindset about time, and execute it with power hour, you will have time left over to play. Go play with your kids, go play on the Lake, go take a nap, go scroll through social media, whatever.

But do it with a clear mind knowing that you got done what you wanted to get done for the day.

We have to stop indulging in overwhelm.


So my question for you is, why are you choosing overwhelm?

Why aren’t you choosing something better to say about your time and about your productivity? You get to choose. So I say, choose productivity NOW so that later today you can choose play.

Have a beautiful and PRODUCTIVE day!

p.s. The waiting list is now open for Life Mentoring School, my monthly teaching and coaching program! It’s like a gym membership for your mind and heart and will transform the life you have into the life you’ve always dreamed of.


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Are you being the victim.. and how to stop

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I got the sweetest message this weekend about my book.

A new friend was about halfway through All the Pretty Things (my spiritual memoir about growing up in Southern Appalachia in the midst of poverty, addiction, and abuse) and could hardly believe what she was reading.  She told me she was proud of what I had overcome.  Her message meant so much to me.

One of the most surprising things that came out of writing my story was that what I found when I excavated my past was not what I expected to find at all.

I went into writing that book feeling like a victim. I had felt like a victim my whole life.  I carried that story around like it was my security blanket.

I’m fatherless. I’m not valuable enough to be loved. I’ve seen too much. My life has been so hard.

I played those words in my head like they were my favorite song.  Over and over for 40 years.

Then I wrote it all down. And what I discovered is that for every time I was rejected, God sent someone who chose me.

For every time there wasn’t enough, there somehow always was.

For every situation I had remembered being a victim, I actually was stronger than I thought.

Through the help of one of my mentors, I began to realize that the only pain my past was causing me was ME playing it over and over in my head.

I was sexually abused when I was eight, but I have abused myself with that story a million times.

And when I finally looked at my past from a different point of view, here’s what I saw.  I saw a girl who was resilient and who managed to get through those hard things without resentment. I saw a dad who was doing the best he could with what hand he had been dealt. I saw that hurt people hurt people and I stopped hurting myself with those abusive stories.  

I saw that my past was EXACTLY the classroom I needed for the life I’m now living. It was all FOR ME. It was so imperfectly perfect.

I am no longer a victim to what happened to me forty years ago. I’m a compassionate, strong, and loving woman whose life was a mix of good and bad and who has chosen to rise above it and live life fully and unafraid.  I am more than a survivor. I am a warrior.

That story motivates me to do good work, to be a loving wife and mother, to give myself to others in generous service.

How to know if you’re being a victim

My question for you is this—how can you rewrite your story?  How do you know if you’re being a victim of your own life? Do you want to stop being a victim to your past? 

The victim mentality can be characterized by some of the following traits:(I know because I was the expert for years)—

  • always blaming other people
  • the life is against you mentality
  • relieve painful memories that prove you are the victim
  • you feel powerless to your life
  • you coddle your victim story and refuse to question it, even when it’s not serving you
  • you become cynical and pessimistic about your life

Look for evidence that you are a warrior

Here’s the most surprising thing that came out of writing. What I realized is that for all the evidence that I could find in my childhood that I was rejected, that hard things happened, that I was never enough—for all the evidence that I could pile up to make my case to be a victim, there was just as much evidence to the contrary.

There was just as much evidence that I was loved, and adored, and chosen. There was just as much evidence that I had an amazing life, that I got to experience things that changed me in a way that nothing else could. That even though things were hard, I came out of it resilient. That it was the perfect classroom for my life today. That it was the perfect training for adopting a six year old that has come from a hard past. That it was exactly, exactly what I needed, that it was exactly FOR ME.

My life didn’t happen to me, it happened FOR ME. And there’s just as much evidence, if I really look in my past, there’s just as much evidence to support that.

What I realized is that there was just as much evidence for the fact that I am a WARRIOR. That I am a freedom fighter, that I am strong and resilient.


There’s was just as much evidence for that as there was for the story I had been telling myself that I was a victim.

Do you see what I’m saying? There was just as much evidence. And which story I choose to live my life from matters really matters.

Sometimes, if I’m being honest, I like the victim story because it’s comfortable, and I know how to be the victim, and I know how to make myself feel better temporarily by saying, “Well, sure you struggled with this because look at what you went through.”

Sometimes I do that, but most of the time I choose the other story and I choose the other story because it lights a fire in my soul. I choose to believe that things were exactly as they should have been despite the fact that they were hard.

What about you?

So I want to ask you this. Where in your life are you choosing to stay a victim? Did your husband leave, did you lose your job, are you convinced that bad things always happen to you?

So was I. For YEARS. Was I a victim of sexual abuse when I was younger? Yes. But you know what? That happened one time, and do you know how many a times I chose over the past 40 years to abuse myself with that story? A million times.

I just chose keep abusing myself with that story. And if you want to remain a victim, you can. You can keep your story. But at what cost? Is it serving you and is it lighting a fire in your soul for you then to go in the world and use your gifts?

Tell a better story


Here’s another way I like to think about it. I was carrying around a huge, heavy weight. The huge, heavy, burdensome weight of my past was always heavy on my heart. It felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. If you’d give me half a chance, I’d tell you all about it.

Here’s what I realized, the book that came out a couple years ago by Jordan Peterson, The 12 Rules for Life. One of his rules is to pick up the heaviest weight you can carry.

I love the image of that. We are built to carry heavy loads. But I don’t want the heaviest weight that I’m carrying today to be my own past.


I want to be able to pick up somebody else’s heavy weight. I want to pick up Thomas’s heavy weight and carry his weight for a while until he is strong enough to carry it.

I want to pick up the heavy weight of my husband and carry that weight for a while. I want to be there for the people in my life.

I want to have so much room, I want to have this heart so cleared out that I can then bear the weight of people in my life.

When you allow God to heal your heart from what has happened to you, what has happened FOR you, you will be able to hold the pain of your past and do it without resentment.
Yes, it was painful. I acknowledge that, I’m not trying to Pollyanna sugarcoat it. But it’s only painful today if I continue to think those thoughts over and over, and make myself the victim today. I was the victim when I was eight years old. I’m only the victim today, but of my own thoughts about it. And I truly, truly believe that the freedom that we seek is available to us no matter what happened.

And when we learn how to live in that freedom, we can so much more offer ourselves to the world. We’re not burdened down by something that we’ve been carrying for 40 or 50 years. We’ve let that go, we’ve acknowledged that it was hard and that it was painful, and we’ve also decided that we’re not going to keep abusing ourselves with it today.

What kind of powerful narrative has your life been and how can you leverage that to create the future you want?

The power is in you make your past mean whatever you want.

Make it mean something that lights your soul on fire, sister.

You are a warrior.

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5 Reasons You’re Not Fulfilled in Your Marriage

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Okay mama, grab some coffee and let’s chat about the elephant in the room.

You’re unhappy, unfulfilled, or just in general not satisfied with the current state of your marriage. You’ve been married a good while and though there’s nothing catastrophically wrong, you’re just not happy with where things are. And you’re 98% sure that he needs to change. Make that 100%. He’s not really there for you. He doesn’t listen. He’s emotionally detached. And a bunch of other things. But since this is the most important relationship of your life, maybe it’s worth it to step back and see if there’s something we’re missing. Maybe it’s time to self-examine and self-reflect and see what’s lingering just under the surface. I did this about ten years ago and it has made all the difference.

-1-Unfulfilled in your own life

I think the first reason I was feeling unfulfilled in my marriage is because I was unfulfilled in myself. At the time, I had just quit my job as a family physician and I was lost. So, I took up some bad habits to temporarily make myself feel better. But those temporary dopamine hits that make us forget about the pain or doubt or insecurity or resentment that we’re feeling don’t last. And so, we need another and another. I found myself in debt and though my kids had EVERY cute swimsuit there was to be had, I was still miserable inside. When I began to take responsibility for myself and decide that I wanted more, I began to see that my unfulfillment in life was making me secretly blame my husband.

-2-Unrealistic Expectations

Stevie surprised me for our ten year anniversary with a trip to Atlantis. Everything from how he told me about the surprise to how he treated me while we were gone was magical. But all fairy tales end and a few days later we were back home and I was getting my feelings hurt over something insignificant and the anniversary was over. On that trip, I read The Notebook. (And also UGLY CRIED in the Nassau airport to the degree I have never ugly cried in my life. Stevie was probably mortified.)

As much as I love the book and movie version of The Notebook, life long love doesn’t look like that for very long, if ever. If we’re getting our cues from pop culture, we’re going to be sorely disappointed in marriage.

And then there’s the expectation we get from seeing our friends and family who are married and we begin to wonder why our marriage doesn’t look like that. Then we hear some sermon or podcast about how we should be holding hands and having devotions every day together.

And the list of expectations doesn’t end.

I finally found peace in my marriage when I quit expecting it to be EVERYTHING and just let it be what it was—normal, amazing, exhausting, beautiful, stressful, demanding, life-giving, and everything in between. If we decide to live our lives awake to what’s there and stop buffering the bad away with food and shopping, etc, we usually find that it’s a mix of good and bad. That’s what makes it life and that’s what makes us human. When we expect it to always be blissful, and when it’s not, make that mean that something’s wrong, we make it way harder than it should be. Marriage is hard and amazing. Let it be both.

(When Stevie and I have a fight or misunderstanding, I audibly remind myself that this is the part where it’s hard. It helps me allow the negative feelings, instead of pushing them away.)

-3-Unwritten rules

We all have them, but we don’t often speak about them. If he does this and says this and acts this way, then all is well. My coach calls it the manual. We have a secret manual for the people in our lives and we expect them to follow it, even when we haven’t actually written it all out and given them a printed copy.

What’s your manual for your spouse? What are all those unwritten rules and standards that you are holding him to? And what would it be like to just drop the manual, to stop wanting and wishing and expecting him to be different and just accept him for exactly who he is?

We carry so much resentment towards our husbands because they are not obeying our secret rules and we fail to realize that the resentment we carry poisons US, not them. I feel the resentment and anger in MY OWN BODY, so it is worth it to question the resentment and consciously decide if I want to be holding onto it.

AND? We don’t like it when people have secret rules for us.

We want to be accepted for who we are. But that is the very thing we have trouble giving other people. What if we dropped ALL THE DRAMA and just decided to love? I’ve tried it over and over and over again as I practice being the kind of spouse I want to be and here’s what I can tell you—love is always the best option and YOU GET TO FEEL IT IN YOUR OWN BODY. When you decide to love without condition, you get to experience unconditional love and that, my friends, is what makes the world go ’round.

-4-Unmet Emotional Needs

This one is probably the most important because we’ve been taught that we have emotional needs and that something or someone else is in charge of meeting those needs. If we continue to believe that, we will always be at the mercy of someone else—held hostage emotionally until they give us what we think we need.

What if we met our own emotional needs? What if we began to function as emotional rock stars and paid attention to what we need and gave that to ourselves. We want him to show us love, but are we showing love to ourselves in the way we care for ourselves and talk to ourselves. We want him to BE THERE for us and have our back, but do we have our own back? Are we showing up for ourselves in a meaningful way? We want him to love us just as we are, but WE don’t love ourselves just as we are.

I promise that when I started taking responsibility for my own feelings and emotions, my life changed. No one can hurt my feelings. I hurt my own feelings by letting someone else hijack my thoughts and emotions. And sometimes I want to feel hurt, but at least I acknowledge that I’m choosing it.

Imagine going into a relationship with someone who was confident in themselves, who was not emotionally dependent on others, who took good care of themselves AND good care of those around them? That is what we all want, and the quickest way to get it is to BE IT.

Stop waiting for someone else to change. YOU ARE IT, mama. And who else, but you? You’re amazing and you are fully capable of meeting your own needs. Then, you can head into your relationship fully whole, fully well, without depending on someone else for what you can only give yourself.

-5-Unexamined Story

I think we forget that we are part of a grandest story ever told.

God is writing a story to the world of love and sacrifice and he is using YOUR MARRIAGE to do it. This is so much bigger than you, so much more than your bills and your stress and your squabbles. This is life and death. This is Christ sacrificing for his bride and this is his bride loving him with her whole heart.

There’s also the story that you tell others and yourself about your marriage. Does your story sound something like, “He’s so selfish and he never does anything for me or the kids,” or “I wish for once he appreciated all I do around here.” That used to be my marriage story.

Then I decided that I’m in charge of the story and there’s JUST AS MUCH good to tell as bad. So, I rewrote the story. If you give me half a chance, I’ll tell you all the things I admire about Stevie. I’ll tell you I’ve never met anyone else quite like him. I’ll tell you how he has sacrificed everything for us. Is it true? Yes. And it’s a much better story than the one I have told in the past. And how do you think I show up in my marriage when I’ve been telling that story all day? Powerful, isn’t it, how we can change everything by deciding what story we want to tell about our marriage?

Now, I know some of you are going to get defensive and you’re going to tell me all kinds of things about your spouse or your situation that make it different. And I’m not saying that you should even stay married. Maybe you should have left a long time ago. Maybe there’s abuse and infidelity and all kinds of stuff. But what I’m saying is that if this marriage is here to stay, you might as well be its biggest fan. You might as well give it the intention and prayer and work it deserves.

And you can do that without your spouse ever changing one thing. Want to be more fulfilled in your marriage? That has ALWAYS been your job alone. You being fulfilled is a result of YOUR thoughts and YOUR emotions and only you can think and feel those. It’s always been you. I can’t think of anyone better.

Being unfulfilled is a story you’ve been telling yourself.

Maybe it’s time you told a better story.

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If you to dive deeper with content like this, join the waiting list for our brand new life coaching program, which begins in September, where you’ll be given tools for dealing with the hard stuff of life and a coach to guide you through it. We’ll be taking one topic a month and diving deep with teaching and group coaching. I’ve been in programs like this for the past three years and they have changed my life!

I’d love to be your monthly mentor! Click here to join the waitlist!

my shopping addiction and HELP for the mama who is stuck!!

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The year was 2007 and had just given up my job as a family physician and I was as LOST as lost could be.

I was bitter and confused and I didn’t know how to process all the loss and chaos of my life so I chose to numb myself instead.

I didn’t do anything outright scandalous but I nurtured a sort of secret shopping addiction.

I’m pretty sure my youngest had 12 swim suits each that year.  (I know I’m over this way of numbing myself because I live on the actual lake now and have worn the same tired swim suit for 4 years. I may need some shopping help now!)

But the thing I learned about secret addictions is that 1) You only think they’re secret.  The people you live with are smarter than you think, and 2) The things you buy only make you feel better for like 3 days or if you’re lucky 3 months, until which time you are loading them up and hauling them to Goodwill, while you fill up your online shopping cart with something you’re SURE will be answer to your woes.  It never is.  It only complicates the problem and makes you poor.

Thank the Lord, that phase of my life didn’t last long.  The craziest thing I bought was a sewing machine from QVC in the middle of the night in a rage of hormones.  In my defense, I did eventually use that machine to get through some pretty tough homeschooling days.

My point is, numbing ourselves is easier than sitting in the discomfort of our lives and facing our emotions and failures and losses and fears.

Maybe you don’t choose Land’s End, maybe it’s the hours you spend scrolling social media every day or your very unhealthy relationship with food or a pile of medications that you aren’t even sure are helping, or alcohol, or pornography, or even something seemingly as harmless as your Netflix addiction.

We are so good at running from REAL THINGS, so eager to escape to an easier version of life.  We are pros at it, actually.

But when we run and hide and numb, we are only compounding the problem and we are training our brains to be good at whatever numbing we choose.

I finally decided that I was tired of being really good at shopping or eating or mindlessly scrolling Facebook.

We also don’t realize how much we will come to loath ourselves when we numb. We hate that we never seem to have enough courage or self-discipline to make real change.  Our confidence tanks and that’s uncomfortable so we cycle back around to the thing that makes us feel better temporarily.  And the sick cycle carousel continues.

If any or all of this sounds familiar and steps on your toes, you’re not alone.

And I want us to dive deep into what is keeping us stuck and flat and unmotivated and unable to make real change.

WHY?!

Because you have been given a special work to do, a story to tell, a family to love, and people to serve.

Don’t let fear or apathy or self doubt keep you from doing in the world what only you can do. Yes, there will be fire and yes, there will be pain. But the alternative is to stay closed and stuck.

BUT.  If you stop hiding and running and numbing and open yourself, your mouth, your heart up—in the process, you will learn to live fully alive in your giftings, free from what has shamed you and caused you to hide yourself, free to finally love and serve the people God has put right in front of you with everything that is in you, free to be everything you were created to be.

 That’s why I’m so excited about Reclaiming Your Best Beautiful Life – a FREE online 30 day challenge for YOU to get unstuck and start living with all the fire and passion and purpose God put in that big heart of yours.  This challenge will…

  • ignite a fire in you as to who (and whose) you really are and what you were made to do
  • help you rediscover the best parts of you that have often been hiding or wounded or covered up by the stresses of life
  • help you discover practical strategies to develop your gifts & strengths, even in the midst of your busy life.
  • wake up to your unique vocation and shake the pesky bad habits that creep in when we dismiss our calling
  • nurture you toward the purpose and passion and creativity that is uniquely yours
  • give you a safe place and plenty of encouragement to daydream about the full and abundant life you were made to live.
  • discover proven and simple time management skills that will help you get more things done that matter
  • define your priorities and goals that you live life by design and not by default

My hearts desire is that by joining the 30-day challenge, you rediscover the passion, purpose and creativity in your life that has been missing or hidden and awaken to more love and compassion for others. Like the best glamping camp for adults, but better because you can do it from home with me and your favorite warm beverage.  

Let me help you RECLAIM YOUR BEST BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!

SIGN UP HERE!!! Just TWO more days until we start!!!

(If you’ve already signed up, let us know in the comments!!)

what is the best version of you & how can we get her back?!?!

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The year was 2005 and I was burning the candle at all ends.  But not in a good way.  I was practicing medicine, trying to keep up with the Joneses, shopping too much and spending more than I made, missing out on creating a family culture I loved, and living from a very superficial version of myself.  I had not yet come back to the faith and was pretty miserable on the inside, despite the lovely veneer of a [not so] perfect house, marriage, and lifestyle.

Today, I’m still burning the candle at both ends [I think it’s how He made me:)))] but I’m living much more from a place of love and service instead of from a place of competition and performance.

I’m finally living from the best version of me—a way less glamorous version for sure (just check out my instastories from yesterday) but the version that He created, the version that lives from His fullness and abundance and seeks to be an agent for healing and light and life for others.

You may find yourself in a bad spot in life right now and there’s no shame in that.  We are all the same and life can make it hard to keep ourselves above water, let alone thriving.

Honestly, we find a million ways to deal with this dilemma.  We  numb, distract, run, hide, pretend,  and find ourselves stuck in patterns we hate.

And that life leads to misery—for us and the people who love us.  We stay in those patterns because at first it’s easier— easier to numb, to live from ego, from a false version of ourselves, a version that’s safer for sure, but a version that is not life-giving.  And as women if we are created for anything, we are born to give life—sometimes to our own children but always to God’s children.

And when we shirk our God-given calling, when we live small and from a place of comparison and judgement and negativity and pettiness and pretension, we lose the privilege of seeing grace and love born in those around us.  We have not yet learned to allow HER to do what she was created to do and so we settle for living from ego, from the smallest, most fragile version of who we are.

We are afraid that SHE is too much, too little, too wild, too boring, too strong, too weak.

But let me give you one good reason why you should keep fighting for her.

Because we need her.  I need her.  Your husband needs her, your children need her, and your next door neighbor needs her.

You know who I’m talking about.  The you is that is wide awake.  The you whose belly is full of fire and passion.  The you that is playful and lighthearted.  The YOU that cries and laughs easily, that is strong and tender,  the you that is living her life fully from a place of authenticity and vulnerability and love.  The you who so nurtures and mothers others that she is constantly calling forth life from dry and desolate places.

That’s the YOU we are craving, the YOU the world needs.   That’s the you that God created.

So, if she’s lost today, if she’s hiding and pretending, if she’s exhausted and emotionally bankrupt—we are calling for her.  WE are cheering for her.  We are fighting for her.

………………

Here are a few ways I found HER again in my own life.

—I told the truth about myself and began to live from my weakness instead of my pretend, made up strength.  My whole life I assumed that people loved me for what I was good at, so I tried to be good at everything.  It sent me into a tailspin of emotional and physical collapse.  I finally found healing when I stopped performing and started BEING who I really am.  I stopped running from my past and slowed down enough to let God heal me.  I confessed and He forgave and that cycle of daily repentance is what we are made for.  I don’t have to pretend I’m something I’m not.  I just confess that I’m NOT and He forgives.

And now I can spend my time and my days giving myself away to others instead of performing for them.

—I found a bridge to true wellness that helped me feel better enough that I finally had the power to change the things in my life that were making me sick, that were keeping me stuck. I couldn’t be the BEST version of me because I was falling apart physically and emotionally.

I can’t tell you how amazing God is at creating things that were meant to work in our bodies. Everything in my life turned around when I stopped filling my body with fake, toxic things and started filling it with what it needs.

Everybody knows WHAT they should do but sometimes when you’re stuck, it feels like you don’t have the power to do it.  I promise you there’s hope— natural substances from plants that are designed to  give us what we need and can use—things our body won’t reject, substances our bodies can easily assimilate and metabolize.  My journey to WHOLE has been a long one, but it’s been a fight worth fighting.  If you are stuck in a pattern of poor health, I would love to help you get started on a path to holistic healing.  It’s way easier than you think.  You will only regret that you waited.

I finally feel good enough that I can stop worrying about me and focus on others. It’s so very freeing.

—I created a community of like-minded women so I wouldn’t have to go it alone.  We need each other.  We were made for each other.  And the fact that our world is designed to keep us apart and to keep us at odds doesn’t help us.  Join me on Tuesdays for livestream at NOON (eastern) as we grow and learn together to be who we were created to be. WE are inspiring each other and holding each other accountable.  And if you decide to join us for the health & wellness part, we have private FB groups that will become your favorite place to hang out on the internet.  You need community.  Don’t go it alone.

p.s.  Want a fast track to getting unstuck, sign up for my Overflow Life cheat sheet and get a one time offer for my Overflow course for less than you can take a friend out to lunch!

Your Morning Mentor

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Oh hi and good morning long lost friend.

It’s been so long since I even logged into my blog that I had to LOOK UP the password.

And then that was wrong, so I had to hack into my computer’s keychain system and luckily that worked.

I guess that means it’s been far too long.  I know you think I’ve been sitting over here napping and eating bon bons.

But I’ve been just as busy as ever and sometimes life just hands you seasons and you have to walk in them as best you can.  This has been a season for me almost like having a baby.  I had a baby business and she’s growing. She’s a toddler now, about the same age as the real life toddler that is making our lives so full and amazing. (More about him here. Also, if you haven’t watched my Instagram video of him, you HAVE NOT LIVED.  Get over there right now.)

But anyhoo, I’ve missed you and I wanted to spend September with you, here on the blog and more importantly, on my Facebook page, lifeingrace, where I’ll be LIVE STREAMING every weekday in September at 6 am eastern.  It’s a little challenge I set for myself and I’m inviting you along, because maybe you need to get back on track too and make the most of those precious mornings.

We’ll be talking about a host of awesome topics, but this week’s chat will be all about continuing to grow as a person, mama, wife, worker bee, etc.

This all reminds me of when I was in medical school and took up scrapbooking.

Because who doesn’t need a time consuming hobby when you’re working 70 hours a week?

But did you know that I finished more scrap books during medical school than at any other time in my scrapbooking life.  It must have been the horrendous inability to sleep and the momentum that I had from already accomplishing a lot.  Now listen, I’m NOT advocating you do that. But what I’m saying is that sometimes if you create growth and momentum in one area of your life, it spills over into everything.

That’s my hope for morning mentoring—that you will leave the live stream so motivated and inspired that without that much extra effort, you’ll see areas of your life that you want to grow in, becoming all the time more and more of the person God made you to be.  I hope you leave with more energy and passion than ever to be generous with your life and gifts.

So, who’s in? Who’s joining me tomorrow morning?!??!

Bring your coffee and don’t judge my makeup-less face.

(You can actually watch the first one here!)