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Three Choices You Can Make Today That Will Make Your Life Better

November 25, 2020 by Edie Wadsworth 3 Comments

Today is your day to make some decisions! If you struggle with decisions, today is the day to get over the struggle. I’m giving you three decisions that you can make today, that will make your life infinitely better, and heal your body, mind, and soul.

1. Stop Lying

Liars don’t heal. ~Carolyn Myss

Stop lying to yourself about your life. Stop lying to yourself about your job. Stop lying to yourself about your marriage. Stop lying to yourself about your kids. Sometimes we so get into the habit of not living in the truth of who we are, that we basically learn how to live sort of mediocre lives. We basically learn how to live a lie.

When I read that quote, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Learning to live with integrity and learning to live with intention, learning to actually walk the talk, learning to actually do the things you say are important, and learning to live as if they’re actually important, is the way we heal. So often we don’t live that way.

When I was practicing medicine, there was a part of that whole lifestyle that I loved very much. I loved the recognition. I loved the income. I loved being with people. I loved working in an office. I loved dressing up every day to go into an office. I loved science so much. I loved figuring out how things worked. It seemed like it should be the perfect fit for me.

It seemed like it, but I was miserable. You know why I was miserable? Because I missed my kids, and because I would miss so much during the day. At that point, both Stevie and I were working a lot, and there were so many things about it that I didn’t like.

I hated to admit it because I’d just spent 13 years of my life getting a degree. I’d spent a lot of money, and hours upon thousands of hours to do this. There were parts of it I loved doing, yet it was a lie to me in my heart. I knew it, but I didn’t know how to fix it, because how do you fix a giant lie like that?

When I started to untangle myself from it I got a lot of flack. People decided that it was a bad decision, and that I shouldn’t have gone through all that training if I was just going to give it up.

Here’s what I know after all these years, God’s the one who made me love these kids like crazy and couldn’t stand to be without them, he gave me that. Not everybody feels that way. I still work, and I’m still separated from my kids, but I do it in a way that’s honest for me.

Going to an office every day just wasn’t how I am wired emotionally, so I’m not casting judgment on anybody else’s choices at all. I’m so glad we have female doctors that are out there, but what I know for myself is, that’s not how I’m wired, and I wasn’t living the truth of who I am and how I made.

It’s so true in so many areas of our lives.

We are dishonest in relationships.

We blame other people for how we feel.

We think we’re entitled to a certain kind of life.

There are so many ways every day that we’re not living in accordance with what we say we believe, or what we say is important, or what we say is the value that we want to live by.

I do it too, so here’s the thing. We can make ONE really important choice, that then makes a hundred choices for us.

When I was actually practicing medicine, I was the most unhealthy maybe that I’ve ever been, which is kind of an oxymoron. Why? Because I was living completely stressed out, I wasn’t cooking any food at home, I didn’t value sleep, I wasn’t getting regular exercise, all the things that I know actually make you healthy.

I was supposed to be a purveyor of health, and I was doing none of them. So my patients would come in, and I would tell them what they should do, but I was not a practitioner of it.

What I’ve discovered about myself in the last few years is, I’m a healer. That’s how God made me. I’m a healer and I love helping myself heal, and helping other people heal. The way I can do that with the most integrity, and with the most intention, and with truth, is to live it.

So today I got up and I made a tiny little decision to go to the gym. And then I made another tiny little decision to eat a chicken breast and some spinach and tomatoes for lunch. Tonight I’ll make a tiny little decision to go to bed early.

I’ll spend some time today reflecting on God’s word and meditating on a Psalm. I meditate on that because I really am interested in living what I actually think is true.

2. Stop waiting on other people.

You’re not entitled to anything.

Nobody’s to blame for your life.

Stop waiting for somebody else to do something.

Stop waiting for somebody else to change.

Stop waiting for somebody’s opinion of you to change.

Stop waiting for somebody to stop rejecting you.

Stop waiting for somebody to give you permission.

Stop waiting for somebody to do anything.

You don’t need any of that. What you need is for YOU to take responsibility for the life that YOU want to live, fully and intentionally, in wholeness. You need to do that. Nobody needs to do anything else.

We have to stop waiting for other people to do what we think they need to do so we can do what we need to do. No, no, and no. As a matter of fact, some of you put your life on hold because your kids are all messed up, and they’re not doing what they’re supposed to do, or because you feel like your marriage is in a weird place, or because you feel like your job is in a weird place.

You know who’s in a weird place? You are. And you know who can fix it? You can. You can fix it. It’s all just deciding that this is exactly the life you’re supposed to have right now, and living it with all your heart, with integrity, with intention, the way you say you think it should be.

3. Stop looking back

Let me tell you something about your past, there’s nothing there. All it is are thoughts you have in your head. Stop living there. Why? Because you’re using the past as evidence for what you can and can’t do right now.

You’re using the past to blame.

You’re using the past to make excuses.

You’re using the past to live in depression.

You’re using the past to live in anxiety.

You’re using the past to live in fear.

The past does not exist except in your head, except in your thoughts. The only way that you can live in the past is to keep thinking the thoughts of the past. Why would you do that to yourself?

You need to have enough respect for yourself and love for yourself that you say, “No more! I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to keep saying those things over and over. I’m not going to keep reliving that memory over and over. I’m not going to keep blaming that person over and over. I’m not going to keep resenting over and over and over.”

What happens when we do that is, we think that we somehow can punish the people that did this to us. You’re punishing you. You’re keeping yourself from your incredible, amazing present life! You only have one chance to do this day. It’ll never quite be like this again.

I thought about this when I was at the gym this morning, there probably will never be exactly that combination of people there again, in that state of being, in that state of generosity, and love, and community, I don’t get to do this again.

Why am I going to go back and live something that’s not even there and forsake what’s actually here right now? So you just decide.

You don’t need years of therapy. I did years of therapy. It didn’t help. I’m not saying that you might not need some therapy sometime, but I’m saying that in order to get over the past, it’s a thought in your head, and you just DECIDE that you’re going to live from your amazing, beautiful, grateful, generous, abundant, loving, present. You can make right now whatever you want!

A little primmer on decisions...

Decisions aren’t hard, YOU JUST DECIDE. You just stop waiting and you decide. Here’s what I’m doing. How can I make today better?

You don’t need anybody’s permission, you don’t need anybody to change, you don’t need the relationship to iron itself out, you don’t need this job to figure itself out, you don’t need any of that.

You’re capable of creating the reality that you want. You ARE creating the reality that you want right now! The question is, will you take responsibility for it and actually do it? Or will you keep blaming? Will you keep feeling entitled? Will you keep comparing? Will you keep judging? You can do either one you want.

I promise you, if you will stop waiting and start living, you can have the life you want today.

I want you to do some soul searching this week. I want you to think about what decisions you are making, right now, and every day, that are keeping you stuck. You’re making some.

You’re eating the same food that’s keeping you sick and is keeping you stuck. You’re still not getting exercise that you know would make a difference. You’re deciding to still live in resentment. You’re deciding to hold your husband hostage. You’re deciding to have expectations of everybody else so that you can feel better. You’re deciding that you don’t like your job, so you’re miserable, and you make everybody else miserable. You’re deciding to hold a grudge against your best friend because she didn’t invite you somewhere. You’re deciding that you’re angry with one of your kids because they didn’t behave how you thought they knew to.

You’re hindering your present joy on a million things that are outside of your control, when you could just lay hold of it, and have it right now.

That’s the power of the choices that you make every day. You make one amazing, beautiful choice, and it makes a hundred more for you.

I remember when I became a Christian. One, what seemed like little tiny choice, has now made a thousand choices for me. The power of choosing what you want in your life, and doing it on purpose, and letting that choice reverberate and reverberate and reverberate is incredible.

So what little decisions, that turn out to be actually big decisions, can you make today, that will make a thousand choices for you in the future, and will give you the life of service, and love, and generosity that you actually want?

If you’re still feeling stuck, watch this!

How to get your mojo back

October 29, 2020 by Edie Wadsworth 3 Comments

Do you feel like you’ve lost your mojo? Are you thinking any, or all, of these things?

What has happened to my life?

My house is a mess.

I haven’t been to the gym in months.

My eating is off plan.

I’m not sleeping well.

I’m scrolling social media too much and getting ragy!

What do you do when you’ve lost your Mojo?

Start with the end in mind.

I find it’s helpful to look ahead and decide what result I want. Let’s don’t drag up 75 reasons why we haven’t done it so far. Let’s just decide the result we want and start living into that space. Start living as if…

What would I do if I was a person who took really good care of her health and was fit?

What would I do if I was a person who had a really organized and peaceful house?

You start figuring out what it is to live in the result. You might even brainstorm it out into your bullet journal. What does it look like? How do you feel?

Let’s say your house is driving you crazy. You’ve got kids doing school from home or now you’re working from home, and you feel like your house is always just a dumpster fire. It’s always a mess. It’s disorganized. You hate being there.

What I want you to do is envision what it would be like if it was organized, uncluttered, peaceful, and nourishing. What would it actually look like and be like? How would you feel when you woke up in the morning if you knew that it was organized? You put yourself into the position of having achieved the result and you learn to live there.

What we tend to do instead is we look to the past and think, “Well I haven’t been doing that so far. My house is pretty much a dumpster fire. Everything is cluttered. Everything is everywhere. I can never find what I want. I hate being here. It’s always a mess.”

That’s living in the past. That’s the way your house used to be. What I want you to do is go to the future. What does that result look like? How can you start living there already? What does it look like to be a person who can easily keep a decluttered house that feels nourishing and peaceful?

Many of you look at the thing that’s bothering you the most in your life right now, and you feel like it’s impossible. I promise you, it’s possible when you learn to take action from a place of feeling like it’s already there.

Then the action feels easy and doesn’t exhaust you. The reason you’re exhausted by the result you’re NOT getting is because the thoughts you think about it are exhausting.

You think to yourself all the time, “I hate how I’ve been eating lately. It’s driving me crazy. I hate my house lately. I can’t keep up.” Those thoughts are exhausting to me even just imagining thinking them! How can you change that and live into the results? Start with the end in mind.

Expect failure.

You’re not going to do it perfectly. Don’t wait until Monday to start, or the first of the month, or after the holidays. The reason you’re going to try to wait until Monday is because you’re afraid of failure, and you think if you just had a little bit more time to get yourself organized then it would be fine. That’s not true.

You need to expect failure. You’re going to start, you’re going to do it fine for two days, and then you’re not going to do it great. This is where the key moment is. You’re going to keep your house organized or you’re going to eat on your plan, or whatever your thing is, and you’re going to do it really really good for two days, and then you’re going to blow it! Am I right or am I right? I’m right!

The question is not whether you’re going to fail. You are going to fail. The question is, what are you going to do about the failure?

What are you going to make it mean? Are you going to make it mean you are incapable of making a change? Are you going to make it mean it’s just not “you” to have a clean organized house or that you’re just not a one of those healthy people?

Or are you going to say, “Oh yeah! There’s going to be failure along the way, so let’s just jump back right in.”

You don’t ask yourself, “What am I going to do IF I fail?” You know you’re going to fail. You decide ahead of time what you’re going to do with the failure, and what you’re going to make it mean.

You’re going to make it mean you’re human and you’re going to jump right back into the thing that you were doing!

Expect failure instead of running from failure.

The reason you don’t want to start until next Monday is because in your mind, that puts off the failure a little longer. No, we embrace the failure. We know what’s going to happen, and when it comes, we know what to do with it because we’re expecting it to come.

Stop making excuses and blaming other people, things, and circumstances.

The reason we lost our mojo is on you and on me. Yes 2020 has been crazy. Yes working from home is different. Yes there are a whole host of things we can blame. Let me tell you why you don’t want to do that.

If you blame the fact that we’re dealing with a crazy virus, or you blame the fact that now you’re having to work from home, if you blame a circumstance or someone else, you make yourself a victim to whatever you’re blaming. Then the only way your situation can change is if your circumstance changes, or if those people change.

NEWSFLASH: those people aren’t changing and your circumstances may not be changing either!

How can you learn to take responsibility and manage you? You take care of the only thing you can take care of, which is how you respond to the crisis, and how you respond to the situation, and how you show up to crazy 2020, or how you show up to the working from home life.

You can only control you.

Here’s the beauty of taking 100% responsibility. You CAN change you. You might not be able to change your circumstances. You might not be able to change the people in your life, but you CAN change you. That’s a powerful place to be!

Don’t put yourself in a place of weakness by thinking you need something or someone to change, and THEN you’ll get your mojo back. Stop making yourself a victim to the circumstances, or to the other people. You take responsibility for you, and decide what result you want in your life and how you can start living into that now.

Get some accountability.

It really helps when you want to achieve a certain result to tell someone, or do it with someone, so you have some accountability. That’s why we’re doing a challenge together in November!

A lot of times the holidays are when it all falls apart. You’re doing your exercise plan just great, or you’re keeping your house nice and tidy and decluttered, and then the holidays come and it all goes to pot!

“Well, I guess now I’m just waiting until January.” No! We don’t want to do that. We want to really get back control of the things we want to have happen in our lives, so that as we go through the holiday season we keep these practices in place.

Instead of just letting everything go, we just keep it in place.

We’re starting the challenge on November 2nd and it’s called The Honor Challenge: 12 Ordinary Days, 10 Life-changing habits. It’s based on this scripture out of Romans 12:10.

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ~Romans 12:10

Go here to sign up and get the Honor Challenge Guide. I will be doing live videos every day here on my Lifeingrace Facebook page, and TOGETHER, we’re going to get our mojo back!!!

I can’t wait to get started!

5 Morning Habits That Will Change Your Life

October 21, 2020 by Edie Wadsworth 4 Comments

One of the highest engagement I’ve ever gotten on an Instagram Post was my tribute last year to my brother, Todd.

I ADORE him and the post was pretty sweet and very heartfelt. You can read it here.

I think one of the reasons it struck a chord with many of you was that our relationships are so very important, and most of us spend very little time cultivating the relationships we want.

Todd’s birthday was on October 7th so at the top of my planner for that day, I wrote his name and surrounded it with hearts–like I was channeling my inner 8th grader.

I thought about him and all the things I love about him throughout the day.

When I sat dodwn to send him a message, it was so easy to think of so many things I’m grateful for about him.

Part of the reason for that was that I directed my brain towards him early that day.

Our morning habits and morning thoughts are so important, because they set the tone for the rest of the day! Today, I want to tell you about FIVE morning habits that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Buckle up buttercup–you are going to love this!!!

One – Prep For The Morning The Night Before

Does this one surprise you? Here’s what I mean.

It is so, so, so important that we all prioritize our sleep. The research is unequivocal on this people! The first step in prioritizing your sleep is to have a good evening routine so that:

you are going to bed EARLY ENOUGH to get a good amount of sleep
it’s EASY to fall asleep
you actually GET the sleep you need

Really, really prioritizing sleep makes everything better.

If you want to live your best life, you have to get your sleep.

So one of my favourite parts of my nighttime routine is to lay on my bio mat! Have you heard of a bio mat? Mama, it is the ultimate! It is like a revved up heating pad and I love, LoVe, LOVE laying on it–it relaxes me so! I will take my evening supplements. I take a yummy hot Epson salt bath–usually with a variety of AMAZING essential oils that help me sleep. I can’t even tell you how much better I sleep when I don’t rush to bed and just do my little routine. Hot bath with essential oils? Check! Evening supplements? Check! Lay on my bio mat while reading? Check! I often also listen to something–a podcast or whatever–while I am winding down.

So, there it is! Your number one habit is your nighttime routine and making sure that you are going to bed early enough to get enough sleep.

While winding down I am also thinking ahead to what I need to accomplish the next day–your number two habit!!

Two – Make Tomorrow’s List Tonight

Here is the thing about this and its so simple, but so POWERFUL!

When you direct your brain somewhere, that is where it will go. Simple, right?

For example, say I know that I have to write an email the next morning, make an outline for a livestream, go to a hair appointment (Yay for the Hair Wizard!!). Here’s what happens. I start thinking. I know my topic. Here’s what I’m going to be talking about. I just get my brain thinking about it and, “Oh, okay, good.” I don’t actually DO THE THING–I don’t write the email or make the notes but I got my brain percolating on it so that when I wake up the next morning–MOTIVATION CITY!!! This is simply because I already know what I need to accomplish and most of the time, I can get one or two things off my list before I wake Thomas up.

I think a lot of times, instead of looking ahead, we replay our day. We think about things we wish we wouldn’t have done or said, things we wish we had done–thinking that is very focused on the PAST.

I love thinking ahead, “Okay, what kind of day do I want to have tomorrow and what do I need to accomplish?” So, when I wake up, the anticipation of the day is so motivating and allows me to JUST START.

Being intentional about my evening and mornings sets me up for a fantastic day!

Three – Wake Up Without Delay

The number three habit is waking up–without delay.

Waking up with intention.

Waking up rarin’ to go!!!

Obviously, it really helps to do morning habits one and two, but it’s pretty much the first thing you do every day. If you train yourself so that the first thing you do every day is delay your day–can you see how that isn’t the greatest?

I first heard about this concept from Mel Robbins in her book The Five Second Rule. Here’s an excerpt from her book:

Start by counting backwards to yourself: 5- 4- 3- 2- 1. The counting will help you focus on the goal or commitment and distract you from the worries, thoughts, and fears in your mind. As soon as you reach “1,” move. That’s it.

Mel Robbins said the habit of launching herself out of bed and starting her day this way (and then using it in other situations) changed her life! (P.S. I highly recommend this book!)

So wake up without delay and just commit to, “This is the time I wake up.” Because if you do, you’re going to have 30 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour before other people get up. Of course, this will be easier if you’ve gone to bed early enough and gotten adequate sleep.

Four – Thought Download

I grab water, start my coffee and then I do a thought download.

By thought download I mean I do a little bit of journaling, “Okay, here’s what I woke up thinking about.” Or, “Okay, here’s what I need to remember today.” Or, if it’s grocery store day, “Here’s the list.” I usually wake up with a full mind and I want to transfer all that “fullness” onto paper so that it’s not clouding my mind when I start my work. I want to start my work with intentionally. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!!

Five – Pick The Thoughts You Want To Think AND The Three Things You Want To Get Done

I have a list of intentional thoughts that I like to keep on hand, “This is what I want to train my brain to think.” Some of my favorite morning thoughts came from ideas I got from Louise Hay. It’s a POWERFUL list.

I experience love wherever I go. I am surrounded by loving people and easily give love to others.

I begin and end everyday with gratitude.

My heart is open and I am willing to experience anything God brings my way.

I am full of creative ideas for my life, my family, and my business.

My body is strong and I create abundant energy for myself by how I eat and move and rest.

I easily forgive myself and others and joyously accept God’s truth about my worth and value.

I am surrounded by love. All is well.

I show up with love and service for myself, my family, and all those I meet everyday.

I live and work from a place of sheer abundance. My heart and life are full and overflowing.

Now you’re going to say to me, “Dr. Edie, I don’t wake up feeling these thoughts everyday.”

Neither do I, but I tell my brain that this is what I want to look for.

If you tell your brain to look for that list of things, you’re going see love everywhere. You’re going to see how abundant your life is. You’re going to see reasons to send people love notes and write amazing posts about them instead of complaining. Complaining about politics or the restaurant you went to that didn’t get your order right.

Do you see the power our words and our thoughts have that we aren’t using?!? We just let out thoughts go to the “default”. And since we are human, it defaults to sin. It defaults to complaining. It defaults to blaming. It defaults to resentment and unforgiveness.

But you are the BOSS of your brain and you have to tell it what you want it to think and do.

See why the thought download is so important? Because you will realize, if you do this for awhile, that sometimes you don’t wake up with the most wonderful thoughts.

You have the power to change that.

You have the power to direct your mind, to think about what you want it to think about.

That, my friends, is life changing

After I download my morning thoughts, I organize that thought download into a meaningful list. Then, I pick three things that I want to get done that day. THAT’S IT. If I get more than done–YEE HAW–I love it when that happens!

Most importantly, when I make my list of the three things I want to do, I do it with my intentional thoughts in mind. When I write an email to you, I do it with the thought in mind, “I’m surrounded by loving people. I live in abundance. I work from a place of love and service.”

When I’ve got these intentional thoughts in my head, I generate good work. I generate things that are helpful for people. It allows me to do my work in the world without worrying about what other people think of it. I’m thinking, how can I love and serve? How can I embrace the hard things that come? How can I keep my heart open?

What’s your FIRST morning thought? Is it about the past or about the future? Is it positive or negative? Does it make you worry? Feel fearful?

Or does it motivate and energize you?

Imagine starting everyday with a handful of positive, intentional thoughts.

How would that change your day? Your relationships? Your life?

I’m so excited about our Honor Challenge based on Romans 10:12

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

It starts November 2nd! We are going to take 12 ordinary days and create 10 life-changing habits! Sign up here and get your FREE download!

What Emotions Are You Indulging In?

October 14, 2020 by Edie Wadsworth Leave a Comment

So often the reason we don’t have the life we want is because we are operating from emotions that are indulgent.

They don’t move us forward.

They don’t give us momentum.

They really don’t do anything except keep us spinning on a wheel.

I want you to think about the two or three emotions that get you stuck.

Examples of indulgent emotions are: Doubt, overwhelm, confusion, comfort, indecision, busyness, procrastination, self-pity, tired, exhaustion, boredom and blame.

My brain used to love spinning in procrastination because when you’re spinning in procrastination, you’re off the hook. You don’t end up doing anything.

This is not, “Oh, shame on you for spinning in procrastination or doubt or tired or overwhelm.” This is not a moral indictment. This is how our brains work. Your brain tends to look for the easy way out, and if your brain can spin in confusion, and you can tell yourself you don’t know what to do, then you don’t have to do anything.

Your brain would rather have one of these emotions then have a useful emotion, like determination, because if you have a useful emotion like determination, it’s going to be tired at the end of the day. It’s going to have to work hard. It’s going to have to figure things out. It’s going to have to say no to this flesh that always wants what it wants!

This is not a moral thing, and we’re not going to use this to beat ourselves up or to have shame or guilt over the fact that we spin in these indulgent emotions.

Your brain also likes to use any excuse to beat you over the head. “See, you’re so bad, you’re always overwhelmed and you’re always procrastinating.” I like to tell my brain, “Duly noted.” You can have your say for a second, but we’re going to decide how we’re going to think and feel, and we’re going to find useful emotions that will get us out of this spin!

Here’s how you know if you’re living in cycles of indulgent emotions:

You don’t grow.

You don’t progress.

You don’t lose the weight.

You don’t save the money.

You don’t write the book.

You don’t get the job.

You don’t meet your goals.

One of the best ways to know if you’re spinning in indulgent emotions is the results you’re getting in your life. What are the results you’re getting? If the results you’re getting are drama and bitterness, and you feel stuck, and your marriage is not going where you want, and you feel like everything’s out of control, you’re probably spinning in one of these emotions.

Our brain loves keeping us where we are! It takes very little energy, it takes very little fear, and you don’t have to step out of your comfort zone. Your brain hates changing because it likes the routine. It knows how to spin in procrastination. It’s so good at it that you’re an expert! You’ve gotten so good at these patterns that you don’t have to think.

When you spin in these negative emotions, it’s kind of like if you drove the same way to work every day. You just get in the car and you end up at work and think, “I almost don’t remember driving here.” That’s exactly how it feels to be in an indulgent cycle.

When you can recognize it, and decide on purpose that you’re going to generate something else, you can do that. There are emotions we can create for ourselves that do give us momentum, and cause us to take action so we can step into the person that we’re created to be!

What are the emotions that you tend to live in just by default? Before you wake your brain up, before you tell yourself what you really want in your life. We need to recognize this and say, “Oh, I see why my brain likes to be here.” It likes to be confused and it likes to doubt.

If you have paralyzing self-doubt guess what you don’t have to do? That Facebook post, start that blog, call that person, apply for that job, or send your resume!

If your brain can get away with blaming somebody else, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to take responsibility. You can just say, “Well, it’s always their fault, and it’s their fault that I’m unhappy, and it’s his fault that I can’t do this”.

If your brain can settle into a pattern, it’s such an easier way for it to exist. We are going to demand that it doesn’t settle. We’re going to demand the most from it. We’re going to tell it what we want!

I guarantee you that whatever results you have, you have because you have chosen to think and feel these things. The good news is that whatever you want to end up with, you want to be 20 pounds lighter, you want to have 10,000 more dollars in your savings account, you want to get out of debt, you want to organize your home, you want to have a healthy, thriving marriage, it is ALL within your grasp when you decide how you want to think and feel.

You can decide when you get out of these indulgent emotions that are spinning you in a circle.

I had a lot of good reasons, just like you do, to justify my indulgent emotions, and if you want to keep yours you can. Nobody is going to take them away from you. If you want to argue for your limitations and you want to argue for why you spin in these indulgent emotions, you can keep them.

My question is, do you really want to? And ask yourself why? Why do I love spinning in self pity? Why do I always bring this up? Why does my brain love to go there so much? Why is my brain always going to the past to justify the present? You can keep it if you want, but is it giving you the results in your life that you know you want to create? Probably not.

Comfort

Comfort is an indulgent emotion we often don’t recognize as indulgent! We have become creatures who can pretty much have comfort anytime we want. We can eat what we want and we can set the temperature to what we want. My car seats have heaters! We can pretty much cruise through life and stay kind of comfortable, but not really get the life we want.

Comfort is a big one for a lot of us in modern culture. We can easily choose to never be uncomfortable and then 10, 15, 20, 30 years later, we pay the price. Comfort is one that you might not have thought about, but I want you to really pay attention if you’re always choosing things that make you feel comfortable.

We really have gotten to the point in modern society where we can totally avoid discomfort for the most part, and comfort doesn’t get you what you want. We were not built for comfort. We were built to try hard at things, to work hard at things, to be uncomfortable!

The amount of discomfort you’re willing to tolerate will be directly proportional to the life you get to live.

I’m not against comfort. I love taking care of myself, but I also demand a lot from myself. I make a lot of decisions that are uncomfortable in the moment. The reason I put comfort on the list is because it’s so easy for us to be comfortable. The reason I want you to choose discomfort anyway is because it’s the currency to your dreams.

The things you really want in your life are going to require discomfort. I just paid off my house. I wanted to get out of debt and in the process of doing that I had to choose to use the extra money that was in my account to send a mortgage payment, or use it in some way to help get out of debt, instead of using it to do whatever else I wanted do with it.

Choosing discomfort and recognizing when we’re in the indulgent emotion of comfort, is as simple as asking ourselves, “Am I always just trying to comfort myself, to the detriment of myself?” Because choosing comfort over and over again will likely not give you the life that you want.

Self-doubt

Self doubt is so easy to get stuck in. What I want you to recognize about all of these indulgent emotions is you tend to be thinking about yourself. When I first launched Life Mentoring School, there was a lot of doubt. I’ve never done a coaching program before. I feel like I have a lot to offer, but at the same time, are they going to be interested in that?

I had a lot of doubt, doubt about myself, doubt about whether people would respond to it. It’s hard to push through the doubt and just offer yourself . Here’s what I found the key is with self doubt:

Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the person who needs what you have. The person who needs your encouragement, who needs your word of light and love.

I realized I have a purpose and I have something that can benefit people, so when I push through the self doubt, it helps me to know that I’m living my purpose and when I do, it helps other people.

Overwhelm

We love to be overwhelmed because when we are overwhelmed, we don’t have to take any action. It paralyzes us and we shut down. The upside is overwhelm is a choice.

Why do we feel overwhelmed? Because of our thoughts. It’s not because of our schedule and it’s not because of what we’ve committed ourselves to. It’s because of the way we think about it. I could take exactly the same schedule and give it to two people, and one person could generate an amazing life and serve the people and do the things. Another person would just shut down, go underground, and go unconscious, basically choosing comfort.

It doesn’t matter what’s on your plate, it’s how you choose to think about it.

Overwhelm is never a productive emotion. I can’t think of an instance where it’s a productive emotion for getting you to the place you want to be in your life.

Confusion and Indecision

We love being confused! This doesn’t make you a bad person. This is not a moral issue. This is how your brain likes to function. It loves to trick you into not doing what you want to do, because when it can tell itself that it’s confused and it doesn’t know what to do, and it doesn’t know which decision to make, it doesn’t have to do anything.

Can I tell you a secret? It doesn’t matter. Make a decision, and make it right by the way you think and feel about it. It really doesn’t matter 99% of the time what you choose. You just choose, and you make the decision right by how you have your own back!

Procrastination

We love is procrastination. It’s deceptive because we think we’re getting somewhere because we’ve got big plans. It gives us the illusion that we’re actually doing something and we let ourselves off the hook. Then, of course, we don’t get done the things that we want to get done.

Self-pity

Self-pity is a hard emotion to give up. It took me so long to let go of this one! My brain just went there on auto-pilot!

I had to decide that self-pity was not how I’m going to get to live the life I was created to live.

Can you be honest with yourself and say, “I don’t really think that’s serving me. I don’t think that this is the way that I’m going to get free, or get unstuck.”

Tired and Exhausted

Lots of us get in the cycle of tired and exhausted. I realize there are some physical parts to this, but when you get into this cycle of tired and exhausted, you’re creating at least half of it, probably more.

You can change it, if you want to, by deciding to think differently. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel physically tired sometimes. It means that you will tell yourself a different story about it.

There’s a difference in being tired from doing our work, and being tired from procrastinating and spinning and being overwhelmed.

Spinning makes us tired, but it makes us the kind of tired that’s not satisfying. You know the kind of tired after you do a really hard day’s work, or you actually write three chapters of your book, or you actually clean out your closet, or you make a big dinner, or you take your family on a long hike?

There’s that kind of tired, and then there’s the kind of tired we get from all of these indulgent emotions. We want the first one, the one that’s satisfying!

Ask yourself if you’re just telling yourself you’re tired all the time.

How am I creating tiredness, boredom, blame, self-pity, procrastination?

How am I creating this in my life, and how can I decide that I’m tired of creating this?

You can decide this is not really getting you where you want to go in your life and you can choose differently.

Your emotions come from your thoughts, and if you are having indulgent emotions it’s because you’re having indulgent thoughts. It’s because you’re feeling sorry for yourself and you’re telling yourself your sad story over and over. It’s because, in your mind, you keep blaming other people for why you show up the way you do, and why you haven’t done this, and why you haven’t done that. It’s because you’re spinning in overwhelm and you keep telling yourself that you’re overwhelmed.

If you continue to do that you get to stay overwhelmed. When you decide you want to change you really have to work on your thinking.

The beliefs you have in your life are just thoughts that you practice over and over.

If you want to think something different, then you have to practice that thought over and over. It’s not going to be second nature.

You’re not going to all the sudden go from overwhelmed to productive.

You’re not suddenly going to go from comfortable, to being willing to tolerate discomfort.

You’re not suddenly going to go from self-pity to self reliance.

It’s going to take some work. It’s going to take some discomfort. It’s going to take being willing to practice the new belief, the new thought, over and over again to generate the feeling that you want. The one that will give you the life you want.

This is true in every area of your life. It’s true with your health, your weight, your finances, your marriage, your parenting, your job, your creative life, and it’s true for the state your home is in.

These indulgent emotions aren’t taking you anywhere. They don’t create momentum. They don’t cause you to take action. They don’t give you the life you want.

I hope you’ll decide what other emotions, useful emotions, you want to create instead of spinning in these!

Is your past running your life?

October 7, 2020 by Edie Wadsworth Leave a Comment

Your past could be running your life and you don’t even know it. I have struggled with this literally my whole life, because I had a pretty traumatic past and I let it define me for 44 years. I didn’t know there was a choice for it not to define me honestly, so I just lived in that story all the time.

I actually got to point where I wore it like a badge of honor, but I also was still being a victim to my past. Those patterns from your past form you into who you are.

By the time you’re 35 your patterns and habits and emotional cues and triggers are so well developed, your life basically runs on autopilot.

It’s almost like you’re living your life almost against your will sometimes. You think, “Why do I do that?” Or, “Why am I stuck in this pattern?”

First of all, it’s really hard to recognize that you’re even stuck in a pattern, and then it’s really hard to get out of the pattern. Your body has become so used to reacting and living the way you do, that even when you consciously want to change it, it’s as if your whole entire body, habits, mind, and emotions are all working against you.

There could be this little part of your brain that wants to be different and wants to change.

You don’t want to be a victim to your past.

You don’t want to continue to live in this pattern.

Then all of your body and habits and your mind and your emotions kick in, and it almost feels like you’re trying to stop an oncoming train. It’s really hard to make a change because you’ve got five percent of you that wants it, but you’ve got 95% of you that is so used to living this way!

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ~ Romans 7:15

It’s really is as if you’re living against your will. I think the first step is to recognize you’re doing it, and to recognize why, and to be kind to yourself. I realized that I had this pattern where I would, on purpose, live in my past so I could feel the same as I did. I never wanted to get too far away from it, because it was almost like I was betraying a part of me that was so entrenched if I did.

I would go visit my dad’s graveyard all the time, or I would find some way to continually live there because I thought that’s just what you do. You don’t really have a choice, right?

What that produced in me was a lot of depression, and some anxiety, and some underlying strange dark moodiness. I just thought,”That’s just who I am.”

Here’s what I’ve noticed the last four or five years. I’ve taught myself how to be a different person and that’s not who I am anymore. I no longer struggle with that pattern. I don’t have the same angst, and dark moody weirdness, when I think about my past or when I think about my dad or when I see a copy of my book.

It feels like a miracle, it really does!

It has taken some time, but so often we feel obligated to continue living there, to continue telling ourselves the stories. Your past might have been awful and those things happened. But they happened one time. You keep abusing yourself with the STORY of your past over and over.

Your body thinks it’s protecting you from something that is happening now, and you get into these weird fight or flight cycles. Eventually those cycles are what you’re used to. They become your pattern. I got addicted to adrenaline because I was addicted to fight or flight!

I just kept recreating in my life the inner turmoil of my past. Everything always had to be chaotic. Even when it wasn’t chaotic I’d have to create chaos. When I realized that was optional it was eye opening for me.

It has been so such a huge blessing in my life to get to the point where I don’t have to create chaos to feel normal. I can honestly just enjoy my life, and enjoy being me, and enjoy my past even!

Again, getting to that place took some time and work, but I just want you to know that it’s possible. It starts with being aware of what you’re doing. Most people are living in their past and they don’t even realize that they’re re-creating these internal scenarios.

When your body is stressed is creates this hormonal internal ‘juice’ that makes your emotional experience really memorable. Our bodies get so used to stress juice, that they will create whatever circumstance necessary in order to get back to that comfortable/uncomfortable place that we’re used to.

It took me a long time to do something different. It took me a long time to accept that I was creating this on purpose. I really want you to think about your own life.

Are you re-creating something internally in your life as just a pattern of habit?

Are you re-creating fear?

Are you re-creating rejection?

Are you re-creating stress?

For me it was adrenaline. I became an adrenaline junkie. I totally burned out about six years ago. I sought help, and that’s actually what led me to oils. I didn’t want to do all the things they were telling me I needed to do to heal my body. I had seen what the end of that road looks like in my medical practice, so I started a journey of natural healing and really working on my thoughts.

I realized I was doing this to myself. I kept recreating the internal stressful juice for myself, and I was the one who got to feel it’s effects. No one who hurt me in my past was feeling it, just me.

When you realize you don’t have to keep doing this to yourself, and that you have the option to stop by changing your thoughts, it’s a powerful place to be.

When I would be stressed about my past say 10 years ago, I wasn’t stressed about my past because of my past. My past wasn’t happening. I was stressed about my past because of how I was continuing to think about my it all the time. I was stressed because I was trying to almost recreate the scenario of my past for myself.

There’s some kind of strange comfort that your body finds in doing what’s familiar. Then I realized I don’t have to do that. I can live in the future. I can decide that right now in my life what I want is peace and joy. I want to find passion in my work. I want to serve people. I want to live from a place of unconditional love.

When I began to live from that place, my life literally began to change.

It feels like your thoughts are running on autopilot, and they kind of are, but you have to interrupt them. You get to decide, “Okay we’re not going to do that anymore. We’re not going to keep recreating that for ourselves.”

You get to have the life you want, but the life you’re going to create is what you choose to focus on now.

Are you going to keep focusing on the past, and bringing it back up, and holding onto resentments? Or are you going to decide you want a different future and you don’t want to keep creating the stress juice for yourself?

I promise if I can choose a different future so can you mama!

How to simplify everything in your life with one word

September 30, 2020 by Edie Wadsworth 5 Comments

When I went in this morning to give Stevie a kiss goodbye, I was already thinking, How can I show up with love today? How can I show up in a way that makes him know how much I love and appreciate him? How does Stevie feel loved?” I had five seconds before I had to have Thomas out the door, but lingered . “Good morning, I love you,” sealed with a smooch!

Just that little bit, one second in the morning, could change your whole day. Imagine what accumulating a bunch of days, a bunch of months in a row, or a whole year would do! Imagine your capacity to love!

It’s so easy to think of everyone and everything that needs to change in order for things to be right in our world.

My husband needs to be more attentive, my children need to listen, my coworkers need to be kinder, my mother-in-law needs to stop offending us.

But the truth is, the only thing that needs to change is you, and me. That’s the ONLY thing we can change!

How can I love unconditionally, even in hard situations? How can I see the truth in the criticism and still show up with LOVE?

How can I increase MY ABILITY to love and be loved, by just deciding that that’s what I’m going to do?

I know it’s possible and I know that no one else needs to change. Just you and me.

The question I’m perpetually asking myself is how can I see things differently, better, more clearly.

YOU’RE THE ONE MAMA!

It only takes one emotionally strong and committed human to change everything. Are you strengthening your love muscle, towards your spouse? Towards your children? Towards the ONE person in your life that you are still letting offend you? Take your power back!

There is no greater power on earth than LOVE!

Where can you UP YOUR LOVE GAME?

Love is the one word that will simplify everything in your life, the one word that makes everything better. Love is a skill that we get better at with practice. When you start practicing, you become conscious of it, and you become so aware of how many ways you’re not loving. You realize how much you’re comparing or judging, and how much your expectations of someone is causing you to resent them.

The paradox of this is, when you practice unconditional love, you are the one who gets to feel it!

The more you practice it, not only do you notice that everything in your life gets better and everything in your life is simpler. There’s no drama and there’s no resentment. When you slip into a place of unconditional love, dare I say, it takes away all of the problems!

What I’ve learned the last few years, as I’ve consciously been practicing is; how to realize when I’m not in unconditional love, and how to train myself to go back there. What I notice is that my capacity for love is so much greater than it used to be. My capacity to be kind and patient with everybody is so much greater, but so is my capacity to love myself. My capacity to have patience with myself, and to forgive myself is so much greater.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the last year with Thomas. He had a lot of behavior issues, and it was always really easy to slip into anger or think, Things should be different, or his behavior should be different. Instead, I try to practice staying really centered. “What would love do in this situation?”

How does love show up?

When I started practicing this with him, and in every situation asking, How can I show him 100% how loved he is, it changed everything. I have watched so much of his bad behavior just melt away, because unconditional love is pretty irresistible!

The same thing happens with people in your life. The same thing is true for our marriages. Ask yourself in every single situation

How does love show up here?

How does love respond here?

How does love act?

How does love think in this situation?

I feel like everything opens up when we drop our expectations of what everybody else should be doing, and instead focus on the only thing we ever can change, which is us.

How can I really practice unconditional love for myself, for my life, for my work, my marriage, my children, the people that I see in my everyday life?

If you really become aware of it, what you’ll notice when you first start paying attention is that you’re not practicing unconditional love most of the time.

Most of the time you’re comparing yourself to other people. You’re trying to figure out if it’s fair, or if somebody hurt your feelings. You’re really not in a place of unconditional love 95% of the time. This is how it was for me when I first started practicing this and I would have considered myself a very loving and patient person. Then I started paying attention and I noticed how often I wasn’t!

I started practicing!

What would it look like in this very situation to drop the judgment, to drop any weird expectations of other people, to drop my own agenda? What would it look like if I just decided, I’m going to show up with the life changing question, How can I show up with love today?

I really want you to think about this with the people in your life who you’ve had a hard time with. I want you to re-think that whole relationship.

If I’m having a bad day because someone said something or treated me a certain way, I give away all of my power to that person. They can totally set the tone for the whole day for us, because we’ve given away all our power. What if we just decide instead of being influenced by all of that, we are going to feel and give love as our default!

Love is now my default, and feeling and giving love is the way I’m going to operate.

Here’s what will happen, difficult people won’t seem difficult anymore. You’ll see them differently. You’ll understand a little bit why they do what they do. I think it’s why the scripture says you must love your enemies. There’s something that your enemy says that has a little kernel of truth in it. Can we receive that in love, and still show up with love, and not lash back at them?

This practice has changed my life more than anything else. In every single situation. Especially in the hard situations, in the situations where I used to get offended really easily, or make me angry, or hurt my feelings.

I decided, I’m going to take the most powerful stance in the universe. I’m going to take the stance of unconditional love in this situation!

You can give that person the benefit of the doubt, and you can probably see a little bit of why they show up the way they do. Then you can practice how you want to show up!

What relationships in your life do you most need to practice this in? Is it your marriage? Is it your relationship with your children? Is it your relationship with your mom, your dad, your mother-in-law?

Pick the hardest relationship you can think of. How can you decide that you’re going to change the quality of that relationship, without them even knowing it? You’re just going to decide, I want to feel love, so I’m going to show up with love in this relationship. There’s nothing more powerful in the world, and it doesn’t make you weak. Try it!

You have never been in a place of more calm, peace, and power, than when you are operating in unconditional love.