Why Marriage is So Hard

by Edie Wadsworth on January 22, 2014

whymarriageishard

 

“Now, I see, my most constant mistake, is I don’t know what I love till its gone.”

You’re sitting smack dab in the middle of the hardest thing in your life—your marriage.  How do I know?  Because I am too and I know how the days can seem dark.

You’re probably not gonna like my answer, but I think I know why being married is so hard.   It’s not because women are from Venus and men are from Mars.  It’s not because Scripture is old-fashioned and marriage is passe.  I don’t even think it’s because modern times are so much more volatile to marriage than previous ages, though they may be.

The reason marriage is so hard is because you’re more sinful than you think you are.

You don’t yet grasp the depths of your own depravity.  You want your own way.  You think your faults are less offensive than his.  You justify yourself in a thousand ways and give yourself every benefit of the doubt.  But, his faults and sins are magnified to you. You’re convinced that you give more in the relationship.  You are always the hero in your mind.  Or maybe it’s just me.

I’ve stayed mad for 3 days because he fails to acknowledge all that I do around here, only to realize that I never once told him thank you for going to work so faithfully all these years—for shouldering the financial responsibility of this gang of kids like a rock.  For coming home every single night.  For staying when staying seemed so very difficult.  Never complaining.  Never asking to win an award or be noticed.  Just steady and sure and strong.

You are not yet what you ought to be and so God has been gracious to place you in this very relationship, because He means to sanctify you and bring you to repentance. This relationship is hard because it’s life and death.  What you do here means everything.  And you can grumble about the myriad of things that are wrong in this union or you can start to see it how God sees it—as a sacred picture of what He is doing to redeem the world.  Christ is the bridegroom and we are the bride.  And we will finally be lovely because He has so loved us, not the other way around.

God knew what He was doing when He gave you this particular person.  He knew the flaws in your character and personality that this person could sharpen.  He knew that this person could expose the sins you try to cover and hide.  He knows better than you what you need and the sooner you submit to Christ and His purposes in your life, the sooner you will see what He is up to in your marriage.  This relationship is not for your happiness, it is for your redemption.  He is not trying to make your comfortable, He is desperate to make you holy.

He will go to any lengths to transform you because He loves you so much.

So, what about all his sins, you say?  Oh, I know.  He is not what he should be either.  He has been a failure at being Christ for you.  He is selfish and unkind.  He’s been untrue and weak and childish.  He doesn’t cherish you the way he should.  His love has so seldom been sacrificial.

That’s why I’m so glad that we begin every Sunday morning service with confession and absolution.  We stand shoulder to shoulder, he and I,  and say what has been so hard to say all week long. And we say it together.

“Most merciful God, we confess that we are by nature sinful and unclean.  We have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone.  We have not loved you  with our whole heart and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.”

I stand there holding the weight of the world—my most grievous sins  always against the ones with which I share the pew.  I barely make it through those words most weeks because I know what I am and I know how I fail. This is not some “generic” neighbor I’ve sinned against.   And his have torn me apart too.  We are faltering and crumbling every day, until these beautiful words restore what we keep trying to tear down.

“Almighty God in His mercy has given His Son to die for you, and for His sake, forgives you all your sins.”

God doesn’t overlook what you done.  He sees it all and yet calls you forgiven and redeemed.  Every week—this gift, of restoration, healing and grace, that astounds us and brings such peace.  Words that He paid dearly to speak to us.  Words that have power to do what they say.  Words that reach back into the mess we’ve made of so many strings of days.

In the briefest of moments, I glimpse eternity.  I see that this day is not just another block of 24 hours, but a day that always has been and always will be.  Maybe, a day marred  by my tired rebellion and refusal to give up my ground.  Or just maybe,  a day staked with my broken confession and the Blessed Absolution that comes from knowing He has redeemed every single hour for His glory.  This day will come and go and then DAY will be gone.  Eternity is breaking through, shouting from beyond—that all this matters and that in the end,  only Love will be left standing, as He holds us both in His glorious Light, darkness falling away around us like a dream.

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lakedaysunset

Press play to listen to Day is Gone by Noah Gundersen

Day is Gone

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{ 107 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Kendall Orton January 22, 2014 at 12:54 pm

Thank you so much for this article! Sometimes I get in the trap of thinking I’m going to have it easy, or if it isn’t easy I must be doing something wrong or it’s not where I’m supposed to be. Your thoughts help me remember that, hey, if it was easy I wouldn’t be learning anything. Stress=growth.
One of my mentors wrote this short post about choosing to love and how it’s connected with choosing to have faith. I invite you to read it.
http://goo.gl/3vJe50

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2 Sharon O January 22, 2014 at 1:06 pm

So true. We have been married for 40 years and it is no picnic but it is rewarding, refreshing, revealing, redeeming, and along with all that, it is complicated and challenging.
That is relationship. Growing together. We were teens and now we are in our sixties.
Changing and processing through every life stage.
Together.

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3 Lisa Young January 22, 2014 at 1:22 pm

Beautiful! Thanks for writing this. I know things have been quite hard for our family lately with a newborn, toddler, and career commitments and your blog has been really helpful in thinking issues through.

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4 emma {from my little pink couch} January 22, 2014 at 1:38 pm

So guilty of all of the above … what a lovely word today, edie!

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5 Lori January 22, 2014 at 1:38 pm

Well crap. Everything that you said is so true. And perfectly said. Thank you. It is amazing how God uses someone that you have never met to encourage your soul and remind you of such simple truths.

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6 lesley January 26, 2014 at 1:17 pm

My thoughts exactly Lori ..
Thanks for this Edie, I so needed to read this today x

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7 Dawn January 22, 2014 at 1:39 pm

I found my way to your blog via pinterest, and am very glad I did. Great and needed post. Note to self!

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8 kate January 22, 2014 at 2:00 pm

Thanks for this reminder. So very important, a great message for us all.

I am going out to give my hubby a big old kiss and a thank you at this very moment. He’s out freezing in our garage in well below zero temps trying to fix a car that really has no desire to be fixed! Thanks for making me appreciate him all the more!

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9 BeckiB January 22, 2014 at 2:01 pm

Beautifully written! My favorite line is “This relationship is not for your happiness, it is for your redemption.” Thank you for your willingness to share with us!

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10 Joy G January 22, 2014 at 2:09 pm

So eloquently written. Thanks for the reminder that we all need!

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11 Meg January 22, 2014 at 2:12 pm

Man, alive, I wish you were my neighbor. I think coffee and conversation with you would be awesome.

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12 Melanie Dorsey January 22, 2014 at 2:55 pm

This is very good. I’m linking it on my fb wall.

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13 FancyNancy January 22, 2014 at 3:25 pm

You know, I count it a true blessing that my dad gave me great advice when I was about 17. I never ever forgot his words and it turns my eyes inward most times I’m aggravated with my husband. And, when it’s my turn to ask the blessing at meals, I try to make it a point to thank God for a husband and father who works so hard to help bring the food to our table. I want my kids to realize that their Dad is a conduit of God’s blessings to our family. That God loves us so much that He provides an earthly father to provide for them. And maybe I do it a little to remind myself since he’s late for supper pretty often. :)

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14 amy January 22, 2014 at 3:32 pm

fewer divorces I’d imagine if we’d all acknowledge that the goal is not happiness but redemption…

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15 Kelly T January 22, 2014 at 3:34 pm

Thank you for this reminder! Great post.

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16 Milta January 22, 2014 at 3:57 pm

Thanking for sharing such a honest a great truth. I needed this reminder, its been dark around here lately…thank you for reminding me that there is light and hope in God, if we can just see past ourselves.

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17 Kimberly VanDyke January 22, 2014 at 4:27 pm

Edie,
Powerful blog today. I enjoy your blog so much because you write with such knowledge and conviction. I don’t know if you realize what an impact you are having in this little world of ours (blogging world that is). Keep speaking (writing) the truth in love and I know lives are changing for the better. Thank you for your continued insight into the WORD and your willingness to share it with us.

Be Blessed,
Kimi

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18 Lorie January 22, 2014 at 5:22 pm

Your words are so true!! I try to always remember if I need something (recognition, attention, affection) from my husband, the best way to get it is to offer it. And the second best way is to ask for it! The best marital advice I ever received was from my husbands aunt. She told me never to be a silent martyr in my marriage. If I need my husband to help, all I have to do is ask. It is all really simple, if we are humble… Too bad the natural an gets I the way so often!!

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19 Kari January 22, 2014 at 5:25 pm

Thank you for this word today. It was so necessary for me. Thank you for the work you are doing in our world for His glory! May I be a blessing to my neighbors in return.

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20 chrissi January 22, 2014 at 5:30 pm

you continue to amaze me. loved each word.

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21 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:09 am

bless you, friend. thank you.

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22 Susan January 22, 2014 at 5:36 pm

This is absolutely marvelous. Thank you for taking the time to articulate such a good word. How goo to be able to read it again and again. Thanks.

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23 Susan January 22, 2014 at 5:38 pm

This is absolutely marvelous. Thank you for taking the time to articulate such a good word. How good to be able to read it again and again. Thanks.

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24 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:08 am

love to you, susan.

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25 Cara January 22, 2014 at 6:15 pm

Oh my, this was meant for me. Thank you so much for your honest words. I make my poor man my enemy and make myself the hero all the time. I just didn’t realize that’s what I was doing.

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26 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:08 am

it took me forty years to realize it!
grace to you, cara.
xo

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27 Alicia January 22, 2014 at 6:37 pm

Truth. Thanks for this reminder.

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28 Amy Avery January 22, 2014 at 7:23 pm

Every ounce of this is so true! I was just thinking yesterday after learning of another friend’s recent divorce for reasons of “irreconcilable differences” that marriage is hard. but by golly it’s worth it! I will not judge someone else for their reasons for divorce; it is not my place to. I was a child of divorce but I believe in marriage. I have been married for almost 16 years, a mere drop in the bucket, and it has not always been easy, in fact it never has. I have learned that I am still learning, and that God really has ordained this union as a place for mine and my husband’s mutual refinement so that together we may grow as the individuals united as one that he created us to be. I truly wish that there was a greeting card to give a newly married couple that said in concise words everything you just said, “Congratulations on your marriage. May this be the most difficult and refining thing you ever do in your life. May you each die to yourself daily so that you may find the persons you were meant to be together.” Thank you Edie! I love this post

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29 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:07 am

so true, amy.
so glad to call you friend.
i know you love well.
xoxo

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30 allie January 28, 2014 at 5:01 pm

TOTALLY AGREE with your comment and suggestion about a card to newlywed couples!

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31 Martha January 22, 2014 at 7:26 pm

Wonderful post! After 45 years of marriage I still need to be reminded what is really important, you always hit the nail on the head!
I finally made your “best chocolate chip cookies ever” ……oh my , you were not kidding. Everyone loved them and the recipe makes so many that I froze half of them and have been secretly defrosting and eating them. They are so good, I don’t even feel guilty about my stash ☺

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32 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:05 am

thank you, martha!
so glad you liked the cookies.
they’re a favorite here, too:)

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33 Wanda January 22, 2014 at 7:37 pm

Edie, a very poignant post today. I have been married 35 years ( to the same great man) and everything you write is spot on. This man who has stood beside me as we have lost 4 babies, buried my bother and all our parents. This man who took a risk for our family and began his own practice in a time that was anything but good. This man who has been the rock raising these 4 daughters and escorting 2 down their wedding aisle.

Marriage is the most and hardest work we do, but it bears the most fruit for our God.
Thank you for your honesty and putting yourself out there.

I must say one thing though. I do not know how much control you have over the ads on your sidebar, but I am quite taken aback to see a Wendy Davis ad. As a Texas woman, she stands for nothing that we desire and I know her heart is not where yours is. Is there a way to remove that ad?

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34 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:04 am

thank you, wanda, and bless you for persevering.
no,not a fan at all of wendy davis.
i’ll see what i can find out.
thank you.

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35 Nancy January 29, 2014 at 2:52 am

Wow…taken aback by a Wendy Davis ad, and she stands for nothing Texas women desire?!! Done reading your blog and disappointed. Seems to portray more of a stereotypical, hypocritical Christian than I would have hoped. Women are hardest on other women. Especially in Texas, I guess. Also, marriage should bring happiness. Sorry.

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36 Tammie September 11, 2014 at 11:26 am

Wow, speaking of women being hardest on women.

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37 Jenny Collier January 22, 2014 at 7:48 pm

So very beautiful, Edie. Working hard to make my marriage my #1 priority this year.

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38 jeannene January 22, 2014 at 8:12 pm

I needed to read this today. Thanks. I’m going back to re-read it. You are wise.

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39 Mary January 22, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Thank you. I so appreciate all that you do.

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40 Kelly Lynam January 22, 2014 at 9:58 pm

Well done. Again. Not happiness but redemption. Wow.

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41 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:03 am

you so know, kelly.
love you.
xo

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42 Kara January 22, 2014 at 10:01 pm

Thank you for this transparency, Edie. It’s easy from this side of the screen to imagine a perfect marriage. Thank you for your honesty…it reminds me I’m not alone. ❤️❤️😘

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43 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:03 am

no perfection here.
just raw and gritty life.
so glad to stand with you.

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44 Kara January 22, 2014 at 10:05 pm

Also, I don’t think I’m alone in hoping you will continue to write about this topic of marriage. I’m sure it’s not easy but imagine the good that could come from it and how many relationships could be strengthened!!!

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45 Sara January 22, 2014 at 10:35 pm

I agree!

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46 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:02 am

thank you, kara.
i’ll pray for courage.
xo

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47 jennybc January 22, 2014 at 10:30 pm

such a soul stirring post. i sit here now, in the late evening reading and writing while my man sleeps. work has not been easy for him for a long while now (he’s in the building industry) and I feel as if we have been trapped in just getting through it all. as time has extended I have found myself short and frustrated at how much time his job has taken of him…and yet he has kept a job when so many have not, he still makes time to come to every one of our son’s ball games, we have been able to put two of our children through college during this time. i cannot imagine what he shoulders at times. my redemption has come at a high cost to many but especially to my Jesus and my beloved here on earth. bless you for this most precious reminder.

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48 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 6:01 am

beautiful,friend.
reckless grace.
so blessed we are.
xoxo

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49 Kathryn January 23, 2014 at 12:58 am

Will you/fellow readers pray that I will see and desire the beauty of Jesus and eternity? Thanks Edie.

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50 Edie Wadsworth January 23, 2014 at 5:59 am

Praying for you, Kathryn. You are loved by a faithful Father, who will never leave you.
May you know His grace and peace,
xoxo,
edie

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51 Lori January 23, 2014 at 7:35 am

I needed this today! Thank you for writing so beautifully!

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52 Ruth January 23, 2014 at 7:44 am

A great reminder-we tend to still look for and crave the happily ever after fairy tale ending, and become so discouraged when life really happens. And it is easy to come here and visit your blog, and though it is only a glimpse into your life and home, it seems that your life is pure harmony with your whole family. In our hearts we know it is not, because we are all sinners living in a fallen world, but how easy it is for our hearts to deceive us. To let the ugly green monster of envy rear it’s ugly head. But that is the depravity in our hearts that so easily keeps us in the wrong frame of mind and exactly why it is not happiness but redemption.
Hugs

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53 Julia January 23, 2014 at 8:42 am

Edie-
Your words imprint upon my heart. It seems when I come to your site, whatever the header is (if that’s what it’s called) is where I happen to find myself standing at that exact moment. Where you wrote: You are always the hero in your own mind. Or maybe it’s just me. I assure you, it is NOT just you :-)
Thank you for always bringing the focus back to me. To myself. To my character defects and flaws. And how glaring those are. Only God can remove those for me. I cannot wish them away. I have to ask, pray continually and take opposite actions. I NEVER want to say, I’m wrong. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me? Can we start over? Can we have a do-over? As soon as I do, it always changes everything. In the blink of an eye. And the same is true when my husband says anyone of those things as well. I for one, welcome more on the subject. Thank you for you honesty, openness and willingness to share. Happy Thursday :-)

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54 Stephanie January 23, 2014 at 9:03 am

Thank you for your post! So interesting to me that God put this in my path just as I am starting a study with a friend called What’s It Like To Be Married To Me? Obviously I needed to read this! ;)

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55 Nan January 23, 2014 at 10:01 am

Thanks for putting so much thought into this, Edie.

This morning, I was just noticing all of the annoying things my husband does. Shame on me! The man, like yours, goes to work every day for us, relishes in his children, and tries very hard to be a man of God.

You said it. I heard it. And now I must live it! :-)

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56 Elizabeth January 23, 2014 at 10:55 am

Leaping right off the screen at me today! Thank you for these thoughtful words.

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57 Kristy January 23, 2014 at 10:57 am

Beautiful! Thank you!

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58 Carrie January 23, 2014 at 11:54 am

Dear LORD, girl! Ok– I’m awake now. Moved to tears, and more than stirred, by your powerful words. Again.

He sure speaks through you, straight to my heart.

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59 Michelle Cheney January 23, 2014 at 11:58 am

WOW!!!!! Absolutely my favorite post of yours to date. Favorite line: God doesn’t want to make us comfortable, He wants to make us Holy.
I pray and pray to be more Christ-like to others and if God doesn’t ask me to serve those within the walls of my home each and every time!!! My sweet man and I have been married 23 years and it is SOOO hard. And rewarding. And worth it. And the greatest blessing and legacy for our children.
Timely reminder for us all Edie – thank you for writing the hard stuff.
Michelle :)

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60 Lindsay January 23, 2014 at 12:03 pm

Your post made me cry. In a good way. I’m sitting in the dark space that you speak of. Marriage is hard and it takes work. This post was so encouraging to me. Thank you, Edie!

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61 Denice January 23, 2014 at 1:21 pm

My favorite posts of yours are gospel posts. amen and amen and thank you.

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62 Erika January 23, 2014 at 1:35 pm

Beautiful! Piercing words make it hard to swallow. Oh the beauty of our redeemer!

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63 Theresa January 23, 2014 at 2:27 pm

Your blog is such an inspiration to me. Just knowing that my husband was chosen for me gives me chills. I need to remember that when I’m not treating him very nicely. What a comfort this post has been.

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64 Amy January 23, 2014 at 3:53 pm

Thank you, Edie, for your timely words. Thank you for being a vessel through whom God can speak.

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65 Ashley U. January 23, 2014 at 4:32 pm

Thanks for the transparency and truth. I’ve just re-read your fine words again. It always amazes me how your God-inspired words can convict and uplift at the same time. ;) Grace, peace and a HOT Date night on the back porch to you. :D

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66 Andrea January 23, 2014 at 5:42 pm

Amen! I have been reading Gary Thomas’ Sacred Marriage, What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy…the title alone implies exactly what you said. I’ve been married for 14 years, and together for 3 years before that. Marriage and parenting certainly shine a light on my own need for redemption and it’s so bright I cannot deny it.

Thankful His mercies are new every morning!

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67 Kathy January 23, 2014 at 7:00 pm

I, too, wish you were my next door neighbor. I am even a Lutheran! This post is so relevant. I appreciate that you tackle the tough stuff. Thank you.

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68 Ginger January 23, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Hi,
Dr. Joel Beeke says he has never once had to counsel a couple where each of them was solely committed to doing his own duty toward their spouse.
I have read a lot on marriage and listened to a lot of lectures on marriage and yet that simple statement really just says it all.
Another profound thing I heard….
Men think of sex an average once every 12 seconds and can’t help it. Ponder that for awhile….

Have a blessed day,
Ginger

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69 Julie January 23, 2014 at 8:20 pm

Amen!

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70 Cortney January 23, 2014 at 9:32 pm

Thank you for sharing, Edie! So, so true! And what a precious reminder of grace, but also of eternity and how everything I am doing now counts (whether good or bad). My favorite book about marriage is What Did You Expect? by Paul Tripp, and that’s his whole basis of the book too, the Gospel and how we are the worst sinner in our relationship and worse than we can imagine…and all about marriage being more about our sanctification (and God’s glory! :)) than our happiness. And isn’t the same true of parenting? I just became a parent through adoption two months ago, and boy, oh boy, am I already feeling everything you said here! ;) Thanks again!! <3

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71 Stick Horse Cowgirl V January 23, 2014 at 10:28 pm

Love this post! It will be 41 years for us next Monday! Time flies–the older I get the more I realize how short our time is here. It hasn’t been an easy 41 yrs., and everything you said about self really resonates with me! We are two stubborn people who somehow ended together, butting heads over so many things, raising 3 kids, but so glad now that we stuck it out. There were days I wondered if we would make it–or even if I wanted to. To my grandkids who have suffered the pain of divorce, we are salt and pepper–we are their rock. I do think that faith in something bigger than us was what made the difference. Yes, I do love the confession and absolution part of the service Sunday mornings. There is power in saying it aloud in corporate worship.

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72 jessica washburn January 23, 2014 at 11:58 pm

WOW. I was definitely led here tonight. Kimball and I have been through quite the year, and some how we are still together. Thank you for reminding me of why it’s worth it to stay. Now if only you’ll bail me out of this mess I’m in with my 15 year old! Lol. Life with a teenager is kicking my butt. :) I think I’ll just go through your archives…I’m pretty much going to just print your whole blog and staple it together like a book. I miss you Edie, hope I make it out that way this year. Patty keeps wanting me to come visit, I’ll for sure come see you if I do. I gotta meet the Mister. Thanks much for the years and years of putting it all out there for our benefit. God sure blessed me when I met you.

Xo, Jess

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73 Tara January 24, 2014 at 12:25 am

Beautiful words! Thank you so much for this post!!!

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74 Polly January 24, 2014 at 8:28 am

Beautiful. Makes me sad and hopeful at the same time. Love your honest,kind self

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75 tara lowry January 24, 2014 at 8:56 am

“the relationship is not for my happiness but for my redemption.”
“He is not here to make me comfortable but holy.”

Yes. this is it. nothing more can be added to it. holiness and redemption….our marriage continues to become more and more beautiful because we are both committed to his redemption and his road to holiness.

the road to sanctification is a hard one but the freedom and the beauty that comes with it is undeniable.

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76 Sarah Pinault January 24, 2014 at 9:32 am

Wow! My four year old and I got back last night from a week in England. My husband stayed home with the two year old. The second he picked me up, the moment I stepped foot in my home, I started seeing the myriad of things left undone while I was gone. Things I would have done for him in his absence that he didn’t do in mine. The second moment was spent in prayer, struggling against these petty thoughts I didn’t want to drown in. The moldy cup on the sink, the laundry he said was all done, still lying on the floor in the bedroom. That’s not what I want to focus on after a week apart. I want to love him and be loved and dwell there. So I pray and I pray consistently for peace, for the capacity to reach beyond the petty, for something that can only come from God, because I sure as heck can’t reach past the petty on my own. And there are your sweet words, giving me pause for thought, a re-direct for the petty, from me to God, from him to God, from mold to God. Ah sweet words. Thank you Edie!

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77 Amanda January 24, 2014 at 9:30 pm

At this very moment my dear, strong husband and I have had it out and are on our knees at 26, running our own business, and tackling sometimes staggering financial burdens.

I have loved your blog, but of late with work and the stresses of life had stopped reading. I believe the Lord called me to this post at this moment. It brought me to my knees in prayer and thanksgiving for the blessing of my Redemption and the gift of the covenant of marriage and this man who loves me through the hard times and sharpens my faithfulness. Thank you Edie for your poignancy and candor. I am eternally grateful! xoxo

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78 Sandy toes January 24, 2014 at 10:59 pm

Thank you Edie- sitting here in a dark room, reading your post while everyone sleeps- it’s so true and convicting!

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79 Tamara January 25, 2014 at 8:47 am

Deep breath…tears…head nodding…heart saddened at my denial…at my foolishness. So grateful for the truth in you post. Bless you for sending this hard message.

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80 Jerralea January 25, 2014 at 10:49 pm

Beautiful. Edie! Thanks for writing truth.

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81 Christie January 26, 2014 at 12:45 am

Dear Edie, thank you so much for writing these words. They are so seldom spoken, and yet so fundamental to our growth in Christ and contentment in relationships. I have not been married very long, but in the last year God’s grace has opened my eyes to my utter sinfulness and it has dramatically changed our relationship. Though every day is still a struggle (today especially was = )) there is so much freedom and joy in this knowledge. Thank you so much for showing love by speaking the truth!
Sincerely,
Christie

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82 Christy January 26, 2014 at 9:37 pm

Oh dang! This is so good! SO good! Thank you for stepping on my toes. I needed this.
Warmly,
Christy

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83 Flower Patch Farmgirl January 26, 2014 at 9:47 pm

“I’ve stayed mad for 3 days because he fails to acknowledge all that I do around here, only to realize that I never once told him thank you for going to work so faithfully all these years—for shouldering the financial responsibility of this gang of kids like a rock.” You looking at me, Edie Girl? Cause I’m pretty sure you’re wrote this about little ol’ moi.

xo

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84 Kris January 26, 2014 at 10:02 pm

Yes, yes and yes. Thank you for these words. For this reminder. For this insight to what I, too, struggle with.

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85 kat January 28, 2014 at 8:19 pm

Thanks for your honesty and insight. I appreciate you sharing the reality of very hard times, but at the same time pointing to Christ! have had some quite hard times, dry seasons, etc. in marriage and envy of others seemingly better working marriages. Thankfully remembering there is much to be grateful for in my own!!!

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86 Jen January 29, 2014 at 8:39 am

Ouch…I needed to hear that. Thank you!

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87 saddler January 29, 2014 at 9:33 am

‘Glad to hear someone else say, “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” with such honesty, grace, and wisdom. This blog is now bookmarked.

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88 Laura January 29, 2014 at 11:30 am

Amen. Struggling today with the thoughts of “I sure married a sinner!” …well, so did he!! Thankful for God’s forgiveness!

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89 Deborah Hudgens January 29, 2014 at 11:45 am

Bless Edie and all of us who are signed up to receive her emails,blogs etc. I just received this today, Jan 29th. See others did last week by response. How I needed this teaching and reminder! Its true, I always think everything is for me, and that his job in life was to make me always happy. I constantly ask God to “fix him,fix us”. Never, until this morning have I prayed “fix ME”. Help ME be more loving, kind appreciative, on and on. God brings things to our lives at certain times. THIS was one of those times. Thank you Edie, may God continue to bless your writings. You are a great rep for our Lord!

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90 jennifer January 29, 2014 at 2:51 pm

Ooh yes…and let’s not forget that we are also the bride of Christ.I think that often our human relationships are a pretty good mirror of our spiritual relationship with our Lord.In other words we can have unreasonable expectations of our heavenly husband.We can complain and not thank.And feel perfectly jusified,right? I say ,”preach it,sister”.God is able to bring us gently to the truth,to the true picture of His love.And to sustain us in the journey…together.

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91 Julie January 29, 2014 at 4:21 pm

Not sure how I missed this one! Another beautiful, transparent, Jesus-filled post.

My prayer life is the first thing I examine in myself “when I realize” that I feel unloving toward others. The regular prayer of husband & wife together (although a challenge) is the best recipe for a strong marriage built with Christ as the foundation.
I love the act of confession and absolution standing shoulder to shoulder. The beauty of restoration in motion.

Thank you Edie!

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92 Jennifer Quinley January 30, 2014 at 5:23 pm

Thank you Edie. These words fell on thirsty ears today.

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93 Jennifer Quinley January 30, 2014 at 5:39 pm

And a fragile heart….

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94 debbie January 31, 2014 at 10:50 am

oh how your words hit home.. I very often can point out every wrong that he does/doing that drives me crazy and at the same time justify everything that I do wrong.. working on our 27th year of marriage this year and believe me I know marriage is hard.. and its something you have to work at literally every day and not take for granted. So blessed to have this sweet husband of mine. Thanks for such a great article.

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95 Jennifer Werre February 5, 2014 at 10:34 pm

“you’re more sinful than you think you are” – is simple, but brilliant theology! So may people are confused that trying harder, or being a better person will solve their problems. Many modern “Christians” don’t want to hear about personal sin. My husband is a Lutheran pastor, and struggles to get this across to many. We do need to be reminded of this daily! Only Christ overcomes our sin, but we still struggle while here on earth. Thanks for putting it out there, Edie!

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96 stacy February 6, 2014 at 8:59 am

Ah. Beautiful words. We had a morning in which wires were crossed and an argument ensued. I grumbled under my breath that he does not appreciate me. Even as I was thinking it, I knew I was being stubborn. I was allowing my pride to take over and I thought–only he can do this to me in this way. I can show a “prettied up” side of myself with most people but not this man who has known me most of my life.
I followed BooMama’s link here this morning. I’m so glad I did because your words have given me something to think about.

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97 MJ February 6, 2014 at 9:17 pm

Amen, amen, and amen. So needed to read this.

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98 christy February 8, 2014 at 12:11 pm

Celebrating 17 years today and you soooo hit the nail on the head. I loved your post. Blessings.

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99 Lauren February 8, 2014 at 8:16 pm

I’m reading these important words alone on a Saturday night. I wish I could have read this a few years ago & shared this with my husband. He shocked me & the kids & walked out over 2 years ago & left us broken-hearted. I pray to God for guidance & to stay strong. I’ve tried everything over the last 2 years to encourage reconciliation but no luck. I don’t really “believe” in divorce but also know I’ll never move on or break my commitment while married. It’s so hard. I realize i can only work on myself & just try to be happy & joyful despite my situation. I keep the faith & know that God has reasons for everything. Thanks for your inspiring words Edie!

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100 Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect February 9, 2014 at 3:13 pm

Edie, thank you for this word. We’re in a difficult season (again. gah.) right now, and I SO need this truth. And I need to read it every day. Probably multiple times. Marriage is not about making me happy; it’s about making me holy – WHY do I forget that? Why is it so hard to remember, to accept my own sinfulness? Thank you. And whew – thank God He doesn’t need a reminder to keep trying, to keep moving in my heart, to keep doing whatever it takes to make me stop my crazy and hit my knees again!

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101 Amber at The French Pressed Home February 12, 2014 at 9:50 am

What an eye opener of a post Edie! I just found you via Pinterest and girl, you are my new best friend! I, too, have gotten mad about the lack of acknowledgement of the things that I do for our family (I am a stay at home mom) and fail to thank him for providing. That slap hurt! YOU did me some good today. I look forward to reading more on your blog.

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102 Patrick Pope February 18, 2014 at 10:22 pm

My wife read this to me and after shouting “Amen!” about 20 times over such thoughtful expressions of solid theology, we were both crying and feeling thoroughly convicted. Congratulations on being the first blogger I’ve ever subscribed to…preach on, and God bless you!

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103 Amber February 20, 2014 at 10:33 pm

What a perfect blog post. I got married when I was 19. It has taken me five years and two kids to see myself for what I really am. Selfish. It actually came as a shock to me. My husband and I were pondering why our second baby was so much easier to care for than our first and I realized it was because the first one forced us to, for the first time, really and truly be selfless, at least at times. While our first child broke us of a bit of selfishness there is still a lot of work to be done. I loved this post so much because you spoke my mind. I am so excited to finally have this realization of my selfishness because you can’t fix a problem until you know what is the cause. Thank you so much for this post. It has really shed a new light over the way I view my marriage.

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104 Victoria June 4, 2014 at 4:15 pm

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105 heather June 15, 2014 at 2:10 am

I found you due to the Flourless Monster Cookies, but this post is the one I really needed to read tonight. I was just grumbling about how it appears that everything needs to be the way the husband wants and why couldn’t it be the way I wanted. Oh, boy did I get a slap across the face after reading this post. I will definitely be signing up for your posts.

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106 Ruby Showalter September 11, 2014 at 2:04 pm

Thank you! This was exactly what I needed to read today. I prayed this morning that God would show me where I am at fault and He did, with so much love and grace. Bless you for being authentic and leading the way for women coming along behind you!!

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107 Amy October 8, 2014 at 1:14 am

Edie, thank you so much for your insight. My hubby and I have both been struggling with each other for the past few days and on the surface I began to feel guilty about my harboring resentments. Your wisdom has helped me to grasp fully God’s truth for us. I appreciate you being so open. Thanks for sharing the song too. Music really reaches the soul when my mind is cluttered with worry. Peace and love to you and your family.

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