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How to make any relationship better

July 22, 2020 by Edie Wadsworth 1 Comment

We all have been having a lot of together time, and it can push people different ways, especially if we’re talking about marriage. You can both be on the same page with how you think about what’s going on and how you’re processing everything, or you can think and process totally differently, or it can be a mixture of both.

Stevie and I think the same way but we process differently. It can either make you come closer together or it shows how much difference there is. This is not just true with your spouse, but with your children, and just with the world at large.

I’ve learned most things through a lot of heartache, and I’m still making a ton of mistakes, but this one thing makes a huge difference in relationships.

More curiosity, less judgment.

I’m an enneagram three, so when life gets crazy I process it by getting productive. We’re having a quarantine? Ok, I’m going to learn how to make sourdough bread, and I’m going to organize my whole house, and I’m going to start raising ducks and chickens.

It would be really easy for me to judge everyone else who doesn’t deal with it the same way. There are a lot of people, even in my own house, who don’t deal with stress that way. They don’t want to make 10 loaves of sourdough bread in five days and watch endless videos about how to organize their pantry!

We have to be really careful about how we judge ourselves.

I was doing just fine on the surface, and praying for people who I knew were being greatly affected, but I didn’t think I was being affected that much. Then I took some friends of mine some sourdough and as soon as I saw them, my eyes welled with tears, and I was emotional for days afterwards.

It opened something up in me that I was covering up with productivity. Seeing people from my real life made me realize I was grieving. I missed my friends, and my gym, and having the house to myself.

I started spiraling, wondering if anything is ever going to be the same. But then instead of judging myself for being emotional, because I can be pretty hard on myself, I got curious.

I could have judged myself for having three naps and not getting anything done for a few days. Instead I treated myself like a kind aunt. I told myself it was alright to grieve, to be angry, all of it.

I started to let myself feel the hard things. Maybe you have been frozen with fear. The best way to get out of that is really lean in and feel it, and let yourself be where you are, and have more curiosity and less judgement towards yourself.

Then we can work on having less judgement and more curiosity about the people in our house. Right now they may be driving you crazy, but this is what I’m learning.

However quickly you can get to curiosity and leave the judgment behind, is how soon you get to peace and laughter.

We had a situation where someone let our dog Bandit out. I was judging the whole situation and everyone involved! I was thinking, “I should be in house, having my bath and enjoying my life, not out in the mud chasing a dog.”

I was judging Tom for having his best day ever during this adventure. I was judging the teenagers because they didn’t run out and help. I was judging Stevie because he was irritated.

When we start judging a situation, it becomes a domino of judgement.

I had to be on to myself and start by not judging myself harshly for being judgmental. Then I had to get curious and I thought, “Of course Tom is loving this! It’s the most excitement he’s had in weeks. Of course the teenagers don’t want to be out in the mud. Of course Stevie is irritated. Who am I to say it shouldn’t bother him?”

Once I switched off the judgement and let everyone off the hook, it became a funny comedy of errors.

More curiosity and less judgement of the people we live with really helps our relationships.

What if we had more curiosity and less judgement of the wold? We all think we have the answers. No one thinks anyone else is doing it right. I find it so interesting that everything going on has brought this out in us with such force.

What if we just let people do things the way they do things?

Let’s all give each other

more grace,

more peace,

more compassion,

more curiosity,

less judgment.

Maybe we’ll start to see a little more joy and even some lightheartedness.

Filed Under: faith, Featured, Intentional Living, living with passion, Uncategorized

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  1. AvatarLori says

    July 23, 2020 at 8:54 am

    After yesterday, a day filled with judgment of others, I really needed this.

    Reply

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ediewadsworth

Coach. Healer. Life Mentoring School.
💕💕I help women heal & rediscover their purpose & calling.💕💕 Click below for my free purpose field guide!

Dr. Edie Wadsworth|Lifeingrace
2 years ago today, your world shattered into a mil 2 years ago today, your world shattered into a million pieces.

Sometimes I marvel at how we were blessed enough to be there holding you when it all came crashing down. I do know this—I can’t remember my life without you.

I do know that thousands of tears and meals and boo-boos and toy trucks later, we stand in awe of you---your courage, your brave big boy fight, your tender little boy heart, your hilarious old man ways. 

We know how sacred this walk with you is and we don’t take it lightly.

We are here for it all and we couldn’t be more grateful.

We have always loved you and you have always been our special gift.

 Love you little one. Let’s keep listening for Aslan. He will find a way to put everything back together. 

“Herein lies the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Do not be afraid.”
Hiring these two out for all your ring bearer and Hiring these two out for all your ring bearer and flower girl needs.  They provide ample entertainment to your guests and accept plush toys for payment in lieu of money. May or not be VERY strong willed.  And also adorable. @williamsperformance @ginawilliamsh @ameliadurand4
I turned 51 last week and spent a much needed few I turned 51 last week and spent a much needed few days alone with this guy.  As soon as we drove out of the driveway I started crying. I don’t think I realized how much I needed a break.

it was incredible and relaxing and amazing and so life-giving. 

this week it feels like last week was 100 years ago because you know, life. 

I am excited to say that despite the fact that I’m another year older I managed to figure out how to go live on YouTube with my new camera. It only took me approximately 6000 hours. So maybe you’ll join me at noon today on YouTube and we’ll try something new together.

Here’s to 2021. Maybe it will get its act together but if it doesn’t we will get ours together😂🥳❤️❤️❤️
“To have Faith in Christ means, of course, tryin “To have Faith in Christ means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Got my halo yesterday🤩😇😂 (That ridge lin Got my halo yesterday🤩😇😂

(That ridge line right above my head is the infamous Angel’s Landing)

Here’s to climbing out of tough spots in 2021❤️
What I learned in 2020?? I am HERE FOR ALL THE L What I learned in 2020?? 

I am HERE FOR ALL THE LOUNGE WEAR. 

Amen. Goodnight. 🤩🤩🥳🥳🥳 

Okay fine. Currently sporting sweater from Target which I have worn everyday for 3 months.  Natori PJ’s which I HIGHLY recommend, and Ugg slippers which I’ve worn everyday for a solid year. 

How’s your lounge wear game?? Tell me everything.
Day 2 of LIVE YOUR DREAM starts in 30 min. We’ll Day 2 of LIVE YOUR DREAM starts in 30 min. We’ll be talking all about DESIRE and the difference between false desire and true desire and how true desire leads us to our calling. 

It’s not too late to join us and if you could see the comments inside this group, you would 😭😭😭 and 🥳🥳🥳 because we are getting to the heart of things and it’s only gonna get better! 

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Head over to https://lifeingraceblog.com/dream
We took Tommy boy for this first ski adventure tod We took Tommy boy for this first ski adventure today and it was so satisfying to see him tackle something hard and keep his chin up and have a BALL doing it.

He was very entertaining to his ski school friends, despite the fact that his German instructor couldn’t understand a WORD he said. 😂🥳

But all you mamas out there can see through all the pretty pictures and videos to know that days like today can also be full of frustration.

Making sure everybody has their stuff, the reservations, the snacks, the HASSLE of boots and poles and gloves and skis, the tears, the snappy replies, the hurt feelings, the wrong turns, the missed moments, the potty breaks.

NEED I GO ON??????

But then there’s the down to your soul goodness of being smack dab in the middle of God’s glorious creation, the sheer joy of the wind and sun on your face, the fleeting feeling that everything is right in the world, the triumph of tackling something hard and pushing through all the doubt and fear.

I felt every emotion today. What a privilege to live this life we’ve been given. What grace to live it with these people.

Today was a dream. But like every dream come true, it has a cost, it requires more of you than you think it will. You will want to quit.  A million times.  But what waits for you on the other side is worth fighting for. 

That’s what we’re diving into this week in my online workshop LIVE YOUR DREAM.

You may have given up on setting goals, but don’t stop dreaming.

Come dream with us and let’s make 2021 the year we were willing to be so alive that we would risk feeling EVERY emotion, every setback, every failure in order to see it come true.

We start tomorrow.

It won’t be the same without you.

Join us at https://lifeingraceblog.com/dream.

It’s time to dream again.
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What’s one thing you’re dreaming about this year???
It was magical. ⛄️⛄️⛄️ Know what’s It was magical. ⛄️⛄️⛄️

Know what’s more magical for me???? The week between Christmas and the new year and I’ve made it even more epic by hosting an online workshop called LIVE YOUR DREAM🥳🥳🥳🥳

This one is for the dreamers and the doers!! Join me at lifeingraceblog.com/dream and let’s make some magic❤️❤️❤️❤️

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