I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with Good Friday.  Isn’t it just the unfortunate pause before Easter?  Hasn’t Lent been long enough?  There’s only so much my heart can take of the remembering.  Bring on the chocolate bunnies and the Easter morning frocks.  I’m ready to gather my little chicks all together and feed them well, take lots of pictures and feast until my heart’s content.

But the historic church has taught me to linger here, in the pain.  They don’t rush past it.  My church is having a prayer vigil every hour of the day today.  They seem to know how to embrace suffering—to stay in it long enough to find the gratitude, to walk with Jesus to the cross.  The wisest saints stay there with Mary—through the darkness, that hovers like fire.  I’m learning to live there, too.  I suppose Jesus could have chosen another way, maybe an easier path, something more tidy than the horror of bloodshed.  And why linger in the sorrow for three days, sick to death from the burden of our sin?  Why so long?  Why so much heartache?

Because He loved us so much that He wasn’t afraid to be broken, no matter what the cost, no matter how long.

And I’ve spent enough time with sorrow to know that this is where the magic happens.  This is where He takes down our demons, this is where He wrestles with doubt and hopelessness and fear.  This is where He transforms and makes new.  Because this is where He gave up, gave in, surrendered to the will of the Father.

This is where we were made to live, in the veiled glory of Good Friday.  Easter is coming, to be sure.  But learn to live here first, in the brokenness.   Don’t despise today.  His suffering is for you.  And me.  We spend so much time and effort presenting our best selves to the world but He came to be broken and His heart is to see us live there, too.  We want prosperity.  He bore a cross.  We want an easier way.  He blazed an impossible path. We want to be liked.  He came to love.  And His love, on display on Good Friday, changed the world.

Stay with Him, here, until it’s time.

Stay here, at the cross, where sounds of broken Hallelujahs ring out through the ages.

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Blessed Good Friday to you, dear friends.

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“Love is not a victory march, it’s  a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.”

32 comments on “Living Broken”

  1. Thank you for this. It was beautiful. I have been struggling so much lately. My mom has been sick for the last year with an unknown autoimmune disease that is attacking her brain. She is in a skilled nursing facility at the age of 50. We are heartbroken and scared and angry. This post came right at the perfect time. I hope that during this time magic will happen because we are in so much pain. We are desperate for peace.

    • Praying for you, Rachael. Your Father knows your suffering, He loves you and is for you. He knows. He cares. So much. I pray you are in a church where you can regularly be comforted by the Gospel. Sending a big hug your way.
      xoxo,
      edie

  2. Edie- always so well written & expressed! Your writings have most undoubtedly created a shift in my thinking!
    I Long for a day when I can visit TN to sit and have tea and ponder all of the mysteries of the world! Most especially that of religion! I am immersed in Mere Christianity and just love the thought provoking conversation I could have with you!!!!

    Happy Easter!

  3. Holy Saturday – that time after Good Friday, before the Resurrection – is where I often struggle. My personal Holy Saturdays – those times of waiting, of unknowing – are the times I’d like to Fast-forward. Thank you for underscoring that it is the journey where justification happens.

    • Yes, the wait, the struggle—so much a part of the journey but often the hardest.
      He will hang on to us. He won’t let go.
      xoxo,
      edie

  4. such good stuff…really good stuff. I so appreciate your insights and you sharing your heart. I’ve been reading Mere Christianity as a result of your prompting…I’m gleaning so much…thank you for being real.

    • Thank you, Lisa 🙂
      So glad you’re loving Lewis. He gently led me into the deep waters of faith and I’m so thankful for his insight. I read parts of that book all the time, still, after all these years.
      Mucho love!!

  5. This spoke right to my heart. So beautiful and so true!
    I hope you don’t mind that I shared this post on my blog (linking back to you of course), I just really felt the need to share your beautiful words!

    I found your blog via pinterest while I was looking for Good Friday prints, and I’m so glad I found it!

    Have a blessed Good Friday!

  6. I needed to hear these words today: “They seem to know how to embrace suffering—to stay in it long enough to find the gratitude, to walk with Jesus to the cross.” This reminds me of these verses in Phillippians 3:10-11, “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection adn the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

    It has given me a new perspective on where I am today.
    Fondly your sister-in-Christ,
    Kathleen

    • Thank you for sharing, Kathleen, and for your kind words of support over the years. I’m so thankful.
      Love and joy!!
      edie

  7. Edie,
    Such touching words, so right now real on Good Friday.
    All day today I have watched the clock, and thought of where Jesus would be at this point of the day on His journey to the cross. I have tried to imagine the pain, the hurt, the loneliness and the suffering, but, of course, I cannot. Not really.
    At this time of the day, Christ would be dead. His family and followers would do the suffering.
    Yes, it is a long wait to Sunday. I think it good, too, to recognize the wait. Linger here and realize the cost.
    Have a blessed Easter, Edie!

  8. Hi Edie. I have been feeling broken all the while pretending not to be. Trying to cover it all up. And why? It is ok to be broken. Only there do you find yourself. And Him! Hallelujah for Him. This is a beautiful post. Hallelujah! And, Hallelujah!

  9. Beautiful reflection that struck my heart. I needed to hear this today. It is in these moments of suffering and uncertainty where “He takes down our demons, and transforms and makes new.”. This is truly where the magic happens and we are stripped of ourselves and surrender wholey to Him. This is where He will through all the rubble and the mess we’ve made to restore our hearts and lives. What a blessed reminder. Thank you!
    Hugs

  10. So beautifully written dear Edie! It is through our acceptance that he has made us worthy despite our brokenness that we can cling to him and allow his perfect light to shine in and through us. Your words are always so Spirit filled and full of life giving truth. Thank you for being a vessel for his light to shine. May you and your family have a blessed Easter

  11. Beautiful post. Perfect song. Happy Easter to you and your family. All day today my oldest has been waiting for her front tooth to come out. She didn’t want to go to bed because of it. She was so upset it didnt come out today. The waiting can be so hard, but when it is over, the joy outweighs the pain. Blessings, light and love to you.

  12. This is just beautiful – just as I knew it would be. Our Church had a beautiful Last Supper Mass last night – today was the Liturgy of the Lord’s Passion – just as beautiful and we all kissed the wooden cross. Two heart breaking but wonderful days to reflect just what he did for us. I wish you and your family a very blessed Easter weekend. xo

  13. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for posting. Such a wonderful reminder–and it is so hard to remember when you are in the midst of the pain and brokenness—exactly what I needed today. Thank you again.

  14. Thank you for your blog. I’m still trying to decide what I believe, but I’ve really enjoyed reading about your faith- it shows me many possibilities. I especially liked your recent post about doubt.

    I saw you have a link to the Jeff Buckley version of “Hallelujah. Have you heard the John Cale version? Such a beautiful, broken voice. http://youtu.be/Nzu4LE667VM

  15. Thanks for this post.. I’m trying to get started with the Christian faith and don’t know where to start. Can you recommend any books/websites/materials? I would really appreciate it!

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