Stitched in blue and broken for you……

by Edie Wadsworth on September 11, 2010

Once upon a time, there was born a little blue-eyed brown-haired girl.
With the most darlin’ smile that you ever did see
She had her momma’s eyes and her very own strong will.
she grew up fast and stole her momma’s heart and her momma’s MAC mascara.

then she moved away and waves of pain crash broken.
Broken. into.

And blue.

So her momma lost her way.
And took her grieving to the rail and to the needles
and prayed to sew healing in every stitch, wishing hands to lead the way, and wine to show Him true.

It would not be rushed.
Healing always takes its own sweet time.
And the soul would hardly seem to mend.
There were so many stitches to go. Endless rows of mended heartache.
And those loops in blue were no accident.

Like reflections in the cup.

Like water washing clean.
They tell a story all their own.

How we labor so diligently for days and weeks and years,

and wonder if it matters at all?

Will it ever be more than a heap of yarn?  Will food and laundry nourish a life?  Can bread be His body broken?

And finally, mercy gives way.

Heartache becomes forgiveness.

Stubborn melts to grace.

Tangles of yarn slowly take form of a sweater.

Years of meals nourish a body like years of love nourish a heart.

Redemption rushes in and finishes the work.


And it did matter.

Every little stitch.   All the countless hours.

Every kindness.    Even every tear.

Hoping, begging, praying that she knows—-

just how very much she matters.

And that she will feel in the blue-—- the warmth of  a mother who loves from the broken place

and the peace of a  Father who forgives.

Happy 18th Birthday sweet Caiti.  I pray you’ll find joy in the best things.   {and fyi: all the best things are broken}

and maybe i’ll have the sweater done by Christmas.

you can’t rush these things, or so I’m told!

from Madeleine L’Engle’s  Walking on Water, reflections of faith and art via heaven and nature sing

It is chastening to realize that those who have no physical  flaw, who move through life in step with their peers, who are bright and beautiful, seldom become artists.  The unending paradox is that we do learn through pain.   The world tempts us to draw back, tempts us to to believe we will not have to take this test.  We are tempted to try to avoid not only our suffering but also that of our fellow human beings, the suffering of the world, which is part of our own suffering. The artist cannot hold back; it is impossible, because writing, or any other discipline of art involves participation in suffering, in the ills and the occasional stabbing joys that come from being part of the human drama.

I am sharing these words with my friend Emily at Chatting at the Sky.  Her blog is beautiful as are her friends, who all gather to tell their gratitude stories on Tuesdays.

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{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Tara September 11, 2010 at 2:37 am

she’s beautiful.
happy 18th birthday, Caiti!

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2 Sherri September 11, 2010 at 2:49 am

I have an 18 year old also. Your daughter is beautiful! I feel your pain as my 18 yo is my baby. Such a ‘struggle’ going on of am I grown yet? within her. This is the moment we spent all the years of diapers and tears for…watching them spread their wings.

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3 Carmen @ Life with Sprinkles on Top September 11, 2010 at 3:05 am

Happy 18th Birthday Caiti! Next month my oldest will be 17 so I get it.

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4 Kristi September 11, 2010 at 3:22 am

How beautiful Edie, your words and your girl! Happy Birthday Caiti, you have an amazing mama! :)
xoxo

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5 Kathy eller September 11, 2010 at 4:13 am

Happy Birhtday Caiti!

Im still at the arms always aorund my neck stage that you have with your youngers….moving away, growing up, it sounds so far off and exciting and HARD :(

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6 Amy September 11, 2010 at 10:39 am

I know a strong willed eldest daughter too, but mine has the dark brown eyes of her daddy.
Always love visiting you here Edie…

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7 angela September 11, 2010 at 11:09 am

Such a heartfelt precious post. Filled with hurt, redemption and grace. Those years are the hard years. The best is yet to come. When there comes a husband and then a baby or two, a gentle spirit is seen. A heart full of NEED for her mother and a forgiveness because now she *gets it*…and it will be worth all the tears. I promise.

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8 Rhonda September 11, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Such a beautiful post, Edie. I’ve knit my way through loss and heartache multiple times, and I’m sure when my daughters grow up and leave my nest, I’ll be doing the same.

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9 DrDrama September 11, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Just cried into my morning coffee as I cuddle with my 3 year old. Not ready for her to grow up yet. Beautiful post.

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10 Southern Gal September 11, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Oh, Edie, this is heartbreakingly beautiful. I’ve been through those times. And the breakthrough is indescribable, although you did a wonderful job with your words here.

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11 Patti Brown September 11, 2010 at 12:45 pm

beautiful

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12 angie September 11, 2010 at 1:39 pm

awe so sweet and i know exactly how my mom felt when i went to college….i need some of that mac mascara. think i might go today cause i’m out!!

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13 Becky @ Farmgirl Paints September 11, 2010 at 1:51 pm

That post was soooo perfect. It spoke to me deeply. Your daughter is beautiful. I can’t imagine what I could give mine that would make my love known like that. What a wonderful idea…to wrap her with your hours of care…soft and blue.

Oh and the words at the end…so true. I’ve had some trials this week that have made me think along those same lines. Pain is so hard, but it is what forms beauty I believe.

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14 Kathy September 11, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Such beautiful words for a such beautiful girl.

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15 a pocket full of posies September 11, 2010 at 2:27 pm

beautiful! just beautiful! the girl, the mommas heart, the sweater, the grace…
beautiful!!!
Happy Birthday to your sweet girl!
Many Blessings!
Jill

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16 a pocket full of posies September 11, 2010 at 2:27 pm

beautiful!%20just%20beautiful!%20the%20girl%2C%20the%20mommas%20heart%2C%20the%20sweater%2C%20the%20grace…
beautiful!!!
Happy%20Birthday%20to%20your%20sweet%20girl!
Many%20Blessings!
Jill

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17 a pocket full of posies September 11, 2010 at 2:29 pm

have NO idea what went wrong with that comment!!! it just added all that crazy stuff??!!

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18 the domestic fringe September 11, 2010 at 3:23 pm

How beautiful. Your words are a precious gift to your daughter. Happy Birthday to her.
-Fringegirl

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19 Katie September 11, 2010 at 3:42 pm

I got chills, and even a little teary eyed. Happy Birthday, Caiti-love.

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20 kari beth September 11, 2010 at 3:51 pm

i have a brown-haired, blue-eyed beautiful baby girl. she is 7 months old and i know all too well that 18 years will be here before i know it and i will be sending her out into the world. lots of tears will be shed for years i’m sure. my prayer is that she loves jesus and people and strives to do what is right and just.

you have a beautiful daughter. many blessings to her and your family! and, i have a feeling that the sweater will be done before christmas :)

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21 Paula September 11, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Wonderfully written blog! Your daughter is blessed to have such a loving, deep, thoughtful mother. Loved this blog!

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22 Anne W September 11, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Girl, you need to get yourself published! I am floored by your writing.

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23 Carolee LeBlanc September 12, 2010 at 12:34 am

How wonderfully said!

I have lived this poem…recently. I have cryed these questions…and I am still waiting. I can “see” the hope of betterness, but it is still a bit off on the horizon.

This will go into my favourites to read again and again…to remind me…

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24 Jennifer September 12, 2010 at 9:55 pm

1. “Walking on Water” is one of my all-time favorite books. I rarely hear it mentioned, so I felt it necessary to actually SAY something today! My copy is worn and dog-eared and underlined. So many profoundly TRUE things in there to remember.

2. Your daughter is beautiful… in her pictures she indeed seems to “have no physical flaw,” as the quote below it says. I have a daughter who is also physically beautiful (and doubly blessed with a sweet spirit… but this is not the thing that most teens her age value as of yet, is it?) — ah, but there is nothing in this world that would convince her of that. And this certainty of what is not true (in her mind) does cause unnecessary pain (in her life) at times.

If words could convince, if I could say the right things and make her believe them, I would — but then I fear she would be ruined; because although as a parent I long to see her “strengthened, settled, established, and perfected,” I know as a Christian that God takes His time ON PURPOSE and He will accomplish all His holy will in His own way. He cannot be rushed, and He won’t allow me to ruin.

Being a parent is such a ride, huh? ;) It’s a sanctifying experience! It’s hard to “suffer” sanctification and maturation — and then watch our kids go through it again. Talk about reinventing the wheel! Each generation seems to have to do it all over again in some ways.

But that’s how God works, and who am I to recommend a better way? lol…

Beautifully said! Beautifully sewn.

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25 Tina September 13, 2010 at 12:58 am

hi Edie,
I have been reading your blog for awhile now. thank you for sharing this post to your sweet Caiti. it really sums up what I wish I could write so beautifully to my own daughter that will turn 20 on the 13th. it is so hard to raise a strong willed daughter. we have been praying through a good 3 years now. and just this week, I learn that she has made more bad choices, it breaks my heart.

tks again Edie!
Tina

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26 Genuine Lustre September 13, 2010 at 4:02 pm

My oldest turns 20 on Wed, and we’ll celebrate without him here – he’s in Afghanistan for the 2nd time. Never, when he was born, could I have imagined sending him off to war.

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27 Lisa Cash September 13, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Love this beautiful post and the quote at the end. Since I just sent my daughter off to art school, this is perfect timing and it really touched me. Thank you!

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28 Kimmie September 14, 2010 at 12:53 am

That was so beautiful Miss Eddie!

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29 Karyn September 14, 2010 at 9:33 am

Wonderful post. My little girl is only six, and I can’t even begin to imagine her all grown up and out of the house. Your writing is beautiful.

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30 emily freeman September 14, 2010 at 11:53 am

This broken love stitched in blue has me in blubbering tears all over this morning. What a gorgeous girl you have there…shaped from the heart of a gorgeous mama. So glad you joined us on this Tuesday!

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31 amanda September 14, 2010 at 2:17 pm

wow, i hung on every word of this. it was beautiful and so is your daughter. thanks for reminding me that motherhood is so sweet and fleeting.

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32 Mrs. Sojourner September 14, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart and your tears.

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33 in the hush of the moon September 14, 2010 at 8:05 pm

will it ever be more than a heap of yarn? you wove magic here for me today. beautiful.

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34 patty September 15, 2010 at 2:12 am

beautiful, edie. makes me cry.
and she’s beautiful, too.
but then, i’m sure you know that.

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35 Nili September 15, 2010 at 2:39 pm

I came your way through The Pleated Poppy….what beautiful words and a beautiful girl you have there!

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36 Trina@JoyAndContentment September 16, 2010 at 1:46 am

Oh my GOSH that is beautiful!

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37 Shelly September 16, 2010 at 4:13 am

Moved. touched. The amazing influence of words.

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38 Jessica September 16, 2010 at 1:59 pm

I thought a lot about you and Caiti when my boys were in Utah for ten days. I can’t imagine how rough last years experience must have been. Broken is the perfect word for it I think, though I’m sure I haven’t a clue just how hard it was. Beautiful post and picture.

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39 imoomie September 17, 2010 at 1:59 am

I feel it deep in my heart the journey of babies growing fast, growing out, away and back again.

Your daughter is beautiful, all the best to you both.

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