Stages of Blog Friendship

1. Infatuated
Day 1: You click on a link to a new blog. Hmmmm. You make the following mental notes.
“Nice header.”
“No opening music—that’s good.”
“Awww, she looks sweet. Cute kids. Cool project.”
You click to a link within her post and get lost for a period of time on Martha Stewart’s craft site trying to figure out how to make those origami ornaments. But you make a mental note to visit again.
Day 5: You remember that there was a new blog that you might potentially add to your reader so you rack your brain to try to remember how you got there. Was is from Melissa’s link list? Or maybe BooMama’s blogroll? Or Nester’s lamp party? While trying to find the link, you get sidetracked 40 times and wander around in the blog wilderness confused as to how you ended up on a page that says ‘The four stages of falling in love”—but you make mental note of how similiar the stages seem to blog crushes—and you determine to write a post someday about the stages of blog friendship.
Now back to our search. You click around to blogs that you know have good blogrolls and pray you’ll recognize the name when you see it. Finally, 237 clicks later, you find it! Aw, the relief. You thought you’d ‘lost’ her forever. Her newest post is a tutorial on how to recycle old sheets into a gorgeous table runner for Thanksgiving.
“And she’s industrious. I think I like this girl.”
You bookmark her site and vow to visit again in a day or two when you have more time.
Day 10: You remember the bookmark you saved and sit down with a cup of coffee to get to know your new friend a little. You learn that she’s a reformed Baptist, has five kids, bakes a lot, has a brother serving in Iraq, wants to adopt a baby, loves to make her home beautiful, and takes incredible pictures. Yep, we’re definitely gonna be friends.
2. Smitten
Day 20: You have periodically visited her site and searched a few different categories. You love what you see and decide that sometime in the next few weeks you’re gonna read some of her archives. You carve out some time between 11-1a and devote it completely to your new friend. You skim most of her blog posts and are enamoured with her photography, her fresh view of the world, her creative life and make a decision—despite the fact that she seems to be quite outspoken on certain issues—-that you will most certainly add her to your reader.
Day 40: You are smitten. In the last 3 weeks, she’s posted about making Texas sheet cake, the struggles she has with her strong willed toddler, the amazing Super Bowl party she threw last year, her 10 year love affair with her husband, and the reasons why she loves reformed theology. You forgive her for being in the wrong political party and decide that the blog posts you ‘skimmed’ late one night are gonna have to be read word for word. You usually read her blog outside the reader because when you’re on her actual site, you feel like you’re at home–and it allows you to comment when you want and read the comments of others.
3. Head Over Heels
Day 60: You start from her first blog post ever and read nearly every word she’s written. You see how she’s developed as a writer/blogger/woman. You respect her for the boundaries she hasn’t violated. You know that if you met her in real life you’d be the best of friends. You don’t agree with her on everything. She can be sarcastic and self-deprecating at times. But you are sure that you have never known anyone quite like her. She’s a remarkable woman. She inspires you on so many levels. She has shown you that being a woman, a mother, a wife is honorable and noble and good. She makes you a better person. She has been gracious to open her life to you. And you are forever thankful.
You finally decide to introduce yourself to her. You become pen pals. Friends.
You start to read her comments and feel the need to defend her if someone—who doesn’t ‘know’ her—seems to misunderstand her. You learn what her ‘community’ is like and decide to become part of it yourself.
4. Just Old Friends
Day 432: After months or years of ‘following’ her, you feel like you know her. You probably do know her better than some of her friends who don’t read her blog. Her posting has been a little ‘off’ lately. Is she okay? Is she struggling with something? You pray for her and hope all is well. You send her an email encouraging her. And you say a prayer of thanksgiving. For this connection—for this fellowship. That has changed your life forever. You ponder C.S. Lewis’ quote, “Eros will have naked bodies, friendship naked personalities.”
No wonder this medium fosters friendship.
We bare our souls, expose our fears, confess our frailties and pray that those who receive our words do so with compassion and understanding—-just like old friends. She is not perfect. But she is your friend and you are blessed indeed.
Sound familiar? Please tell me I’m not the only one.

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Comments

  1. No, you aren't alone. And something else, I belong to an online homeschooling community, when I went through the worst of my depression they all knew "something" wasn't right. But no one knew what, I fielded emails with vague non-answers. But then the phone calls started…they are the ones who really helped me seek help. A group of women and men I have never met in real life.

  2. I feel like a voyeur with some of the blogs I read…it's like you make a comment & feel like they think you're an idiot because.."who are you" to them? Sheese…don't share so much of your life if you don't want comments, eh?

  3. Certainly you are not alone. I have been blogging about our adoption process for nearly a year, and I have been awed by my blog friends who leave such amazing and heartfelt comments. Occasionally I get an email from a reader sharing their adoption story which brings me to tears. There have been times that, because of this support, I've been encouraged to move ahead rather than giving up when things are difficult.

  4. You, my friend, are not alone! πŸ™‚ I need to bookmark every blog I ever come across and like because like you said, finding it again is like finding a needle in a haystack! Happy weekend to you and yours… I hope it's chilly and festive for y'all!!!

  5. Yes, I do feel that way too! And as I stumble arcoss new blogs all the time, my blog list is getting longer and longer….new friends to add to the mix.

    C~

  6. I feel like a stalker sometimes. Oh..if only I could just see that room from another angle or if only she can come over and show me how to actually sew that table runner. A little stalkerish…. but in a good way????I am new to the blog world but have loved getting to know all of these amazing women through their writing and thoughts. I might be on only day 60ish of the journey as you described but I can't wait until day 432!

  7. You are so not the only one!

    One blogger I have been reading and blogging with for over a year…shared something on her blog recently and I thought…
    Oh my I have to call her-
    But then it hit me…I really don't know her but yet I do!

    Blog friendships are almost more confusing that normal friendships~

    Sandy Toe

  8. SO glad you posted this! Sometimes I feel like a stalker! πŸ™‚ I really am not weird – it's just when I find a blog I love and I feel like on some level I have connected with the blog author – well then I have to visit and post often. I will say this blogging has helped me make it through moving so far away from friends and family. At least I have had blogging friends when the times have been rough.

  9. So many people tend to just write off those with whom they disagree, especially when it comes to religion or politics. Thank you for seeing past the differences to see the person and focus on her good qualities. You are a beautiful example to us all, not just on blog friendships but real life ones as well. You would make a wonderful real life friend!

  10. Oh no, you're not alone. I love the way friendships are created here. It's been an incredible blessing, one that I never would have dreamed possible. When you get into it at first, you don't realize the potential and before you know it, friendships are formed. I've learned so much.

  11. Blog friends are amazing! AND when you meet them in person you almost cry.. why I ask? Excited to meet them, or to meet someone who has the same loves as you do, family, friends, decor, recipes.. It is crazy and it just makes you giddy! I love all it!! and I love you too!! you make me smile…

  12. Oh my goodness, so familiar. I feel so close to a lot of my blog friends. I definitely feel closer to them than some of my "real life" friends. And I feel that they know and understand me better than some of the "R.L." friends.

    The evolution of blog friendships. So wonderful. πŸ™‚

    What really astounds me, is when I'm strolling through Target and I think, "Oh, so&so would love that. I wish I could send it to her". πŸ™‚ Yet I've never officially met them in person.

  13. This is such a good articulation of what happens! I don't maintain a blog like this (I just love reading them) so I wonder what it's like for the blogger-when she receives a comment and starts to make friends with her reader. Does she say, "Oh, yay! So-and-So commented!" or "Here's the one who comments about once a year." or "Why didn't So-and-So comment?"

  14. Have you been spying on me?? πŸ˜‰ You took the words out of my mouth… I know exactly what you are saying! It is a mysterious and exciting adventure of friendships this blog world can bring… I β™₯ that!

  15. Wow! I am just glad to know I am not the only one! hehehe Sometimes I wonder… when does it become true stalking?? hehehe

  16. You are certainly not alone! I do very much the same thing when I "meet" someone. It's not uncommon for me to have someone's blog minimized on my computer for days as I read through their archives in my free time.

  17. LOVE it! It's so true. Glad to know I'm not the only one that will actually "start from the beginning" and read someone's ENTIRE blog! This is exactly how I got to know YOU (even though you have no idea who I am!) and fell in love with your blog!

  18. I think I have been infatuated and smitten with many blogs for a long time (including yours) but have yet to delve too much into the other areas- but I SOOO hope to! I think there is a level of friendship that you can develop with blog friends that can be difficult to develop in real life, as crazy and backward as that sounds! I think bloggy friends are more inside each other's heads, our essence is more exposed, revealed on our blogs than it often is in real life.

  19. OMG. I think we are all alike. I'm a newbie around here, probably day 30. And you're right about when things get "off". You can just tell.
    I love the online community, no matter what social media haters have to say.
    Great post!

  20. great post! the only difference is that now i do bookmark those blogs that spark my interest. the only problem is i have so many bookmarks i can't remember which ones i wanted to go back and look at for what reason. i need to be better organized.

  21. I have been doing and thinking all of these same things! YOU say it so thoroughly and eloquently though…..sometimes I feel like Im just outside of the cool crowd spying on them:( I wonder sometimes if I can truly befreind someone this way. I can send a nice email or send a baby gift for the baby I have been praying for…but I am more of the come over at 2 am and cry with you for hours or scrub your bathroom floor or campout with your rowdy kids, kind of freind..those things are lost in this new "modern day well"..but maybe I dont have time for that in this overflowing stage of life and maybe that is why I *NEED* these blog friendships….

    I know what Paula means about the to commment or not to comment dilemma..it is a tough one:)

  22. So well put! I love that you just normalized the beauty of making friends in the blogosphere…now if only my husband could understand this he wouldn't think I was so weird when I act like I "know" these people πŸ™‚ love it.

  23. oh heavens – LOVE this! I always wish I could be next-door neighbors with so many wonderful bloggy folks…love the connectivity blogging gives! Now if I could just find more time to keep up with it…

  24. i'm the one who looks at your blog and admires you!! i do have a question…i love music and i do have opening music. is that not good, cause i'm new into blogging and id love to know. thanks!

  25. She's a doctor who quit her job and now stays at home? I'm a lawyer who quit my job and now stays at home. So now I'm in and reading and then I see your grace in exploring your faith and in raising your daughters and in beautifying your space and I'm smitten. Loverly.

  26. I know and I love it! At first I thought maybe I was being silly or even crazy to think that some of my 'blog friends' were real friends…then as time went on I realized that they are just that, REAL FRIENDS. Neat post Edie. Have a great rest of the weekend.

  27. You are not the only one for sure!! It is so true that you can just completely connect with others in blogland who share the same loves and interests as you.

    I was thrilled when I found your blog on Today's Creative Blog (I think)~anyway~I am at that smitten state. I have struggled with churches in our area and not being able to find a good one. Leaving the church we were very involved in for ten years really shook my faith. Thank you for your openness.

    I also love all the lovely things you share!!

    Hope you can visit my blog soon.

    Ruth

  28. You are SO not the only one. πŸ™‚ I stalk my favies all the time. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ I love it when the new blogger I've come across returns the visit. Not always doable for bloggers with large sites, but I've made some wonderful bloggy friends just by visiting and getting hooked. πŸ™‚

  29. Woah, 45 comments! YOU must be one of those great bloggy friends–wait! you ARE one of those! You're right, with all of this. What a weird, fun world it all is. Needless to say…you're not alone.

  30. I too am a seriously smitten blog momma! I love finding new blog friends and like you I become completely infatuated when I find a new friend and always read every line they have ever written!!

    I always describe the blog world as facebook but better because its keeping up with your best friends every day, except you never really talk and have never met!!

    I LOVE IT!!

    Kellye

  31. smiling…

    *fantastic writing* from a beautiful heart…

    thankful for you and friendship…

    All's grace,
    Ann
    (and Darcy *did* tell me to kill the music and have comments… but she loves me anyways, sweet woman πŸ™‚

  32. I am SO amazed at the talent and depth of women in the blogging community. And that is just what it is – a true community.

  33. Oh, I almost forgot to plug fellow blogger Suzanne McMinn at Chickens in the Road – Anyone interested can visit her at http://www.suzannemcminn.com -You can click on the link to vote for her and to see her short video on why she would be perfect for this job – She is running hard in the Sam-e Good Blogger contest – She won in the first round, but needs everyone's vote (you can vote once per day until Dec. 7). The $30,000. this gig would provide would mean a lot to this single mother and talented writer. Hope everyone will visit her! Thanks!

  34. This is the process I went through with YOUR blog before I became a follower. I loved reading about your son and his band. One day I searched for hours and finally found you again. I bookmarked and then later followed. You are not alone. And aren't you glad?

  35. OMG Edie! that post is BEAUTIFUL!! and I think it's EXACTLY how some of us feel and connect with fellow bloggers!! Isn't it amazing the connection you can make/feel with someone you never "met" in real life, yet some of my online friends know me better than real life friends!!

    So glad I'm not the only one who finds a blog, and spends hours upon hours going thru archives – yours is one of those!β™₯

    Happy Thanksgiving Edie!
    ~TidyMom

  36. I love blogging and I try to ignore the looks I get from non blogging/reading friends when I talk about my online friendships.

    There are many blogs I read that make me want to be a better writer, blogger, person, homemaker and friend. I'd like to think I am growing as a person through my time spent online.
    ; 0 )

  37. What a wonderful post. Thank you so much for that. I, too, have formed some really wonderful friendships thanks to blogging. In fact, Cheryl (TidyMom) just above this comment, is one of my best blog friends ever. I adore her and hope to meet her one day soon.

    Tomorrow I am posting a joint craft project with another blogger and there will be a little part (a blog graphic) at the end that is, coincidentally, specifically related to your post. I hope you don’t mind if I link back over to your post as I think it goes hand in hand.

    So wonderful to have found YOU.

  38. haha!

    I love it! I'm smitten with you, friend. πŸ™‚

    It feels so good to write that and know you won't think I'm a complete wack-o for saying so.

  39. Well I just found you today, although I had heard of you, it wasn't til my google reader suggested you that I decided the fates meant for me to stop by. I won't lose you though – I bookmarked you just now!

  40. So glad you wrote about this process…I have often wondered if it is strange of me to be talking to someone at church or elsewhere and say, "My friend painted her kitchen cabinets turqouise and they are amazing"…only to be talking about someone I've never met! Secretly hoping they never know that fact! I feel a smidge more normal now. πŸ˜‰

    This is such an amazing community…so blessed to have it in my life.

  41. Oh Edie – I was chuckling as I wrote this…what a GREAT post. πŸ™‚ But I scrolled to the very end right away to see if this "someone" was going to be a named person. :0

  42. I love this! I'm about on step 2 with your blog!! Your kitchen caught my attention as I was researching painted cabinetry for an upcoming kitchen redo. I featured it on my blog, I'm really new at this whole blogging thing, but love it!

  43. Nope, you aren't. I get totally infatuated with blogs and bookmark them, only to come back days later when going through bookmarks to get sidetracked to another cool blog. Luckily, I usually open everything I click on in a new tab! That helps a lot with all the confusion!

  44. Definitely not the only one! This post makes me laugh…I have about 20 folders in my feed reader to sort the 300+ blogs I read…I found yours recently and filed it in "potential favorites" πŸ™‚

  45. What a lovely post.
    I can relate on every level and have only been blogging for two months.
    What an inspiring writer you are.
    Delighted to find you!
    XXOOXX

  46. Nope not the only one!!! I am in awe of how I start reading blogs as a way to pass time and instead God has turned it into a way for me to meet some incredible women from across the country. I love that!

  47. Ooop's I guess I skipped a step . . . Hi, Eddie. I am Tiffany. I have truly enjoyed reading your blog & at times found great comfort in your writings. I too am a southern homeschool mom living in a very blended family.

  48. Oh my goodness, I LOVE it when this happens.

    By the way, are you reformed baptist? Do you mind sharing the blog to which you are referring??

  49. 74 comments is a huge confirmation that "you are not alone!" Isn't it funny how we all connected through this strange new medium, in a transparent, real way…Because I know I serve a sovereign God who has perfect timing, I know He knew we all needed each other "for such a time as this." But Edie…really…no music????? I love the tunes. It tells so much about a person. Oh well…we have to agree to disagree gracefully:)

  50. so glad I found you and I have Cathe and PJ, two dear blog friends to thank. It is my 1 year anniversary and you put my feelings into words so well!
    thanks for sharing:)

  51. I USUALLY DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO COMMENT ON BLOGS THAT HAVE SO MANY COMMENTS..IT JUST SEEMS FUTILE! BUT BOY ARE YOU RIGHT! I HAVE BEEN BLOGGING ALMOST ONE YEAR AND HAVE THOUGHT, FELT AND DONE ALL THAT YOU SAID. I EVEN FEEL THAT ONE DAY, WHEN WE SIT DOWN IN HEAVEN TOGETHER, WE WILL KNOW ONE ANOTHER AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER. I THINK THIS IS ONE REASON FOR THIS WONDERFUL TEC. TO HAVE BEEN INVENTED…TO BRING HEAVENLY FATHERS CHILDREN TOGETHER. I FEEL THAT WE TRULY ARE SISTERS.COME SAY HI πŸ˜€

  52. That was FABULOUS and so true!!! I have been blessed with some very dear friends through the blogosphere…divine appointments I am sure.

  53. And I just have to add…skimming the comments I saw Ann V's comment…that I purposely will but on a blog and minimize it just to let the music play. Ann's Holy Experience and Daisy Cottage are the two that I love to hear.

  54. Came here from "just something I made". Amazing post. So true. The one thing that really caught me off guard when I got serious about blogging is how you can really become friends with someone you have never seen in real life. You can know them. I am so grateful for blogland and the amazing women I have met here.

    I am bookmarking this post.
    Thank you for writing it!

  55. Soooo true! This ties in perfectly with my blog post that I did just yesterday. Do you mind if I "borrow" it and add a link to your blog? It's too good not to share.

    Hugs!
    Kat

  56. this is great.

    sometimes i feel like my blog friends know me better than some of my "real life friends", because they hear about all the little mundane parts of my days and seem to care what i have to say. they comment without fail on a daily basis, whereas i'm lucky if i get a text from my non-blog bff once a week, and maybe hang out once a month.

    sometimes people make me feel silly for having these bonds with women i've never even met, but sometimes a person just "gets" you and that's hard to come by.

    thanks for making me feel like i'm not-quite-so-crazy :).

  57. I found your blog from here
    http://www.ihanna.nu/blog/, and you are exactly right. I have learned the hard way to bookmark something that inspires me immediately…or it will be forever lost, or take 500 hyperlinks to get it back.

    Your blog is delightful and and I am so amazed at all the truly good folks out there in blogland.

    I shall bookmark you now.

    Corrine

  58. You are totally not alone! Somebody I consider one of my best friends lives half way around the world, and we've never met, but through our blogs and letters I feel like I've known her forever!

  59. just re-read this at 12:46 am and def think you are my favorite person I have never met. for sure. Love the video of the ot books too. happy start to the school year!
    ~ Denice

  60. HA! You’ve done it! I don’t know how you knew exactly what I was thinking…although I’m reading your post for the first time almost a year after you wrote it:P

    I think this means we’re good friends already. I was just getting so frustrated with myself and said out loud to my husband..”I think I have ADD. I can’t just settle on a blog and look through it! I’m clicking away like a maniac and forget what I was looking for!” It was a sincere tragedy for me, for I feared I was the only one! Alas, my dear, you have made me feel much better. So much better that I feel a little celebration coming on. A celebration of my new-found friendship all because of my ADD…but I’ll need to finish making dinner first. Cheers!!

  61. this is one of my favorite posts of all your posts….I loved it and feel like I have known you forever….

    praying for you,
    Teresa

  62. I know exactly what you’re talking about Edie! I found you through Meg’s 12 Days of Christmas and started the hole process of falling in love with you then! πŸ™‚ I have been reading your archives for the last week and just told my husband tonight that you inspire me to be a better person. Thank you for just being you!!

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