Letting go……..

by Edie Wadsworth on September 22, 2008

So, the Dibbs (Taylor’s best friend Andrews’ parents) and Emme and I  take off to go see our boys perform near Johnson City yesterday.   As you might remember,  they won Battle of the Bands about a month ago and part of their “prize” was that they would get to open for Group One Crew,  a christian hip hop band that reminds me a lot of  BlackEyedPeas.   We were all excited…..I even did my best Tammy Faye eyes with my favorite ‘Humid’  MAC eye shadow. (thanks Jamie Knoxville).   On the way it occurred to Cindy and I what horrible ‘stage’ moms we are.   “We should have helped the boys make some T-shirts or buttons or something…….ya know ‘band paraphernalia’  that they could sell at the concert.”   But because we’re not good stage moms and because we feel proud of ourselves that we’re actually  gonna  MAKE it to the concert….and likely ON TIME….we didn’t dwell on it too much.   How surprised were we to find THIS  when we got there…..
THEY HAVE T-SHIRTS…….and paraphernalia……and no,  they don’t have stage MOMS……they have stage GIRLFRIENDS!     How did we miss this Cindy?  We are slowly being replaced, aren’t we?   It’s an insidious inevitable process I guess,  but I am so not ready for it……
I mean,  they look so grown up…..and responsible…..and talented…….it hardly even seems possible that when they get home tonight we’re gonna threaten to take their cell phones away if they don’t keep their rooms tidy…..but we are,   for a few more short months.  Alas.
I feel like I still have so much yet to teach him….like how to make a killer red sauce,  and how to use a plunger ,  and which fork is the salad fork.  I sometimes lie await at night and wonder if he knows how to use a mouse sander.    It makes it hard to breath when I even entertain the thought that he’ll be gone.   He is so predictable and kind and  thoughtful.   The sound of his guitar playing upstairs has been a steady, soothing comfort for so many years.
How do you learn to live with the changes?   The tears already flow for me. (which makes me regret the whole Tammy Faye thing).    Maybe it’s better to let him go in small pieces,  day by day.  I’m not sure it makes it any easier  but maybe it’ll save a complete break down next fall.
So bear with this ‘poor excuse for a stage mom’ as she laments the losses.    I will miss finding your  guitar picks in every single nook and cranny of the house…..I will miss the amazing speed with which you text message…..I will miss how you pile your food in a conglomerate heap…..I will miss how Emme runs upstairs to ‘bug’ you while you do your homework…..I will miss how you turn sideways so I can kiss your cheek (or more frequently: the air)…..I will miss scrambling around making sure your uniform is clean…..I will miss the way you sling your head to the left and right to get your hair just perfectly messy….I will miss your smile…….I will miss your smelly car……and your ‘i love you too’s’  and your frequent calls and mostly……. just you.   I will miss you so much Taylor.  I know it’s early but I can feel it.  The winds of change are blowing.   I felt so privileged and proud to watch you and your band.  I will miss that too.    

Enjoy the video!
FYI:  I am completely sobbing now!


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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jessica September 22, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Way to go Taylor! Wow Edie, what a talented and confident man you have raised. I can’t imagine the day of letting go, it brings tears to my eyes for you and for me (though my oldest is only 10), I dread the day. Your post was beautiful and so funny, is he going away to school? If so, maybe you can bribe him to stay local, and when he gets married, bribe him agian. That’s what I’d do. Have a great day.

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2 Gina Williams September 22, 2008 at 3:25 pm

I am now sobbing too…He is my baby as well as your, you know I feel like it anyway. As the tears flow, it brings me back to the time we were celebrating Christmas and Taylor was just 7 months old and he was exhausted. He couldn’t go to sleep and the only choice was to put him in a the bedroom and let him “cry it out”. I remember standing at his door and “crying it out with him” as I am doing now. So much for my Mary Kay…Love you sis and we will get through it together with lots of kleenex.

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3 Keli September 22, 2008 at 4:44 pm

Awww…what a wonderful post! He seems like a great boy and congrats to him! How cool to have a musician in your family! I love that and I love contemporary Christian music!

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4 jamieknoxville September 22, 2008 at 6:55 pm

God did not put me on this earth to be tortured by you. I am in no condition to feel emotional. I’m going to put my head in the oven. Well after I make some punkin bread.
Be proud Sister, he’s a good one. I am gonna file for him.
Love you all

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5 Jen - Balancing beauty and bedlam September 22, 2008 at 8:25 pm

Oh my…you’ll have all your readers in a terrible state. What a good mom you are and I LOVE the eyes.

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6 edie+steve September 23, 2008 at 2:25 am

Thank you for all the support ladies. It’s 10p and my eyes are still red!

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7 Jennifer P. September 23, 2008 at 4:41 am

this is my first visit to your blog and i’m crying right along with you! My oldest is only 11, but I feel the winds too. You must be a very proud mama. What talent!

And the girlfriends—well at least they sound like real keepers :)

Thanks so much for stopping by today.

Wishing you all the best.

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8 Autum May 28, 2009 at 9:15 pm

I found my way to your blog via Nester. After ooohing and ahhing over your kitchen, now I’m wiping away the tears reading your beautiful words to your son. My son joined the Marines and left home last November. He was able to come home for a few weeks for Recruiter’s Assistance Duty. I took him to the airport yesterday to report back to his current station in Fla. Even the things that made me crazy when he was home, I find myself missing now that he’s away.

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9 Hope November 9, 2009 at 3:40 pm

Oh MY! My oldest (son) turns 14 tomorrow. SOB! I miss him already. I am going to go home a hug him hard *gulp*

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