So, the Dibbs (Taylor’s best friend Andrews’ parents) and Emme and I take off to go see our boys perform near Johnson City yesterday. As you might remember, they won Battle of the Bands about a month ago and part of their “prize” was that they would get to open for Group One Crew, a christian hip hop band that reminds me a lot of BlackEyedPeas. We were all excited…..I even did my best Tammy Faye eyes with my favorite ‘Humid’ MAC eye shadow. (thanks Jamie Knoxville). On the way it occurred to Cindy and I what horrible ‘stage’ moms we are. “We should have helped the boys make some T-shirts or buttons or something…….ya know ‘band paraphernalia’ that they could sell at the concert.” But because we’re not good stage moms and because we feel proud of ourselves that we’re actually gonna MAKE it to the concert….and likely ON TIME….we didn’t dwell on it too much. How surprised were we to find THIS when we got there…..
THEY HAVE T-SHIRTS…….and paraphernalia……and no, they don’t have stage MOMS……they have stage GIRLFRIENDS! How did we miss this Cindy? We are slowly being replaced, aren’t we? It’s an insidious inevitable process I guess, but I am so not ready for it……
I mean, they look so grown up…..and responsible…..and talented…….it hardly even seems possible that when they get home tonight we’re gonna threaten to take their cell phones away if they don’t keep their rooms tidy…..but we are, for a few more short months. Alas.
I feel like I still have so much yet to teach him….like how to make a killer red sauce, and how to use a plunger , and which fork is the salad fork. I sometimes lie await at night and wonder if he knows how to use a mouse sander. It makes it hard to breath when I even entertain the thought that he’ll be gone. He is so predictable and kind and thoughtful. The sound of his guitar playing upstairs has been a steady, soothing comfort for so many years.
How do you learn to live with the changes? The tears already flow for me. (which makes me regret the whole Tammy Faye thing). Maybe it’s better to let him go in small pieces, day by day. I’m not sure it makes it any easier but maybe it’ll save a complete break down next fall.
So bear with this ‘poor excuse for a stage mom’ as she laments the losses. I will miss finding your guitar picks in every single nook and cranny of the house…..I will miss the amazing speed with which you text message…..I will miss how you pile your food in a conglomerate heap…..I will miss how Emme runs upstairs to ‘bug’ you while you do your homework…..I will miss how you turn sideways so I can kiss your cheek (or more frequently: the air)…..I will miss scrambling around making sure your uniform is clean…..I will miss the way you sling your head to the left and right to get your hair just perfectly messy….I will miss your smile…….I will miss your smelly car……and your ‘i love you too’s’ and your frequent calls and mostly……. just you. I will miss you so much Taylor. I know it’s early but I can feel it. The winds of change are blowing. I felt so privileged and proud to watch you and your band. I will miss that too.
FYI: I am completely sobbing now!