Mom in the Mirror (and a giveaway)

by Edie Wadsworth on May 23, 2013

First, I’d like to say thank you, for the kindest, most heartfelt encouragement.  You are truly a gift and I am amazed at how blessed a woman can be by her faraway friends.   Today, I am so honored to have Emily Wierenga here guest posting.  If you haven’t read Emily, you’re in for a treat.  She’s launching her new book, which she co-wrote with Dena Cabrera, called Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty, and Life After Pregnancy. I’ve so enjoyed reading it and know you will, too!  Emily is a gifted writer and I’m so blessed to know her.  Welcome, Emily!

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I was eating key-lime pie and commenting on how good she looked, on her new shade of hair, and I mentioned that she’d lost weight, that she looked slimmer, and she glowed. The way mothers do when they’re told they’re beautiful, even as her teenage daughter walked by, her other three children milling around the buffet at our family reunion.

And she told me she was losing weight the healthy way, and I said that was good. She said she was still eating carbs and proteins and everything in moderation, and it all sounded positive. But she looked longingly at my pie.

And then I said, “But you’re not losing any more, are you? I mean, you look perfect.”

And she glanced down at her blue striped shirt and her blue jeans with disgust. “Oh yes,” she said. “I’m losing more. I want to go back to the old me.”

The old me. The girl that had no stretch marks, that had thinner hips and bigger boobs. The girl that didn’t have crow’s feet and could pull off skinny jeans.

The girl who longed for stretch marks because they would mean she was fertile. The girl who longed for a man who loved her enough to make babies with her. The girl who dreamt of being pregnant, of feeling the life inside her, of nourishing that life at her chest even as it sucked away hers.

We forget about the beauty of the sacrifice. Sometimes I think it’s like the stomach we have left over, after giving birth. The stomach that sticks around, and it’s empty and loose and floppy, and we feel that way too. We forget about the beautiful, miraculous role which this stomach played. About the way it stretched taut around human life for nine months. About the home it made for heaven to come down and touch earth in the form of lips and eyes and limbs and heart.

We forget about the miracle, in the face of the mess.

And sure, we’re messy. We’re mothers. But there is a beauty in that mess.

And I set down my pie (just for a second) and I took this woman by her shoulders, and I looked into her eyes, and I said, Honey, you don’t need to lose anymore. This is the NEW YOU. Claim your NEW BODY. We have been REBORN through the fetus that slid red and screaming from our womb, and we need to take pride in the us of TODAY.

Mothers, unite. Let’s stop lamenting who we are, and mourning the loss of what we used to be. We used to be lonely. Now we have a family. We used to be ignorant of love. Now it tugs on us all hours of the day and night. We used to be untouched. Now we crave some form of privacy. We used to dream of pregnancy. Now our bodies are emblems of that sacred experience.

We are LIFE GIVERS. Say goodbye to the old, and hello to the new. Throw away those skinny jeans, and purchase a new wardrobe, because life is too short not to eat key-lime pie.
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I’m giving away a hard-cover copy of my new book today, Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty and Life After Pregnancy, co-authored by Dr. Dena Cabrera, and foreword by supermodel Emme.
Here’s an excerpt from the book:
Giving birth produces life in more than one sense. It’s the baby powder, milky-breathed spirit found in the softest limbs you’ve ever felt, and it’s the respect a man feels for his wife as he watches her give up her body for another.
And it’s the deep-rooted soul satisfying feeling of knowing you were born for more than the mirror. That you were born to see the face of God in your child, and to know, you yourself are a miracle.

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I want you to have this book.

Tell me ONE thing that you love about yourself, and you’ll be entered into the drawing!

Otherwise, you can order it through the book’s website, here: www.mominthemirrorbook.com.

 

 

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Emily Wierenga is a mom to two beautiful boys, wife to a handsome math teacher, and author of Chasing Silhouettes: How to Help a Loved One Battling an Eating Disorder (www.chasingsilhouettes.com) and Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty and Life After Pregnancy (www.mominthemirrorbook.com). To learn more, please visitwww.emilywierenga.com.

 

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The courage to stay

by Edie Wadsworth on May 20, 2013

mark d sykes

via Mark D. Sikes

I pinned this room over the weekend and can’t stop thinking about it.  It’s so bold and decisive.  The owner of this room doesn’t seem to be plagued by a desire to blend in, to follow the crowd.  This room makes a statement, like it or not.  After this post, I find myself in a strange place.  The overwhelming majority of you like the bright, yellow walls and the crazy, abstract painting of my words here.  But some of you don’t.  A few of you unsubscribed but what struck me most were the brave dissenters who decided to stay around, though they don’t always agree with me. You are teaching me so much.  I worked two hours on a post this morning—about nothing more than Southern women and their distinctiveness.  It was mostly funny and self-deprecating, but after my computer crashed and I lost most of it, I wasn’t sure it was worth resurrecting. I am hamstrung, both by my desire to please and inspire,  and by my commitment  to write things that matter.   And because some women who read this blog aren’t Southern, I wondered if my words would offend or divide or sound parochial and too old-fashioned.  Oh, the humanity.

On a lighter note, I’m toying with the idea of painting my downstairs living room bright yellow, or some other bold color.

The real question I wrestle with is this:  Do I have the grace to be who I am  and the tenderness to be what you need?  And when those are in conflict, do I have the courage to stay and keep painting?

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The Ballad of Love and Hate

by Edie Wadsworth on May 17, 2013

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“Pessimism is not in being tired of evil but in being tired of good. Despair does not lie in being weary of suffering, but in being weary of joy. It is when for some reason or other good things in a society no longer work that the society begins to decline; when its food does not feed, when its cures do not cure, when its blessings refuse to bless.”   G.K. Chesterton

I took my beloved firstborn (a wonderful musician in his own right) to see the Avett Brothers last night. Andrew joined us so it was just like old times.  I knew the words to almost every song but I sat mostly quiet and still, leaning in,  trying to really hear, trying to take in the gift, down deep.  I’ve learned from writing here in my own little corner of the world, that it’s no small thing when someone lays bear their heart for you. That book or poem or song that they offer the world  as a gift has likely been costly for them.  It’s a gift I’m learning not to take for granted.

What I loved about seeing them live is that they leave the show exhausted.  They’re not holding back. They’re playing like this is the only show.  And yet, I also sensed a playful detachment, from the work.  They didn’t seem worried about how the audience was receiving the music.  They are true to themselves and write music that only they can write and hope to find a few kindred spirits. It dawned on me  last night that maybe not everybody likes the Brothers.  But the people who love them really love them.   Their music wasn’t polished but it was perfectly raw and gritty.   They’re not trying to make music with universal appeal, they’re trying to make music that’s true to who they are.  OH, the freedom in that kind of artistry.

I went to the concert with a certain partiality to Scott but I left with a newfound love for Seth.  I’ve always loved this song and in fact, I made my book club listen to the lyrics a few years ago.  I’m THAT kind of friend in real life, terribly passionate and sure that you want to study the lyrics of a Brothers’ song just like I do.

This was my favorite song of the night, performed by Seth, with just his guitar. It was magical.

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So, here’s your weekend homework:  listen and study.  And if you’re really eager, read Orthodoxy, too.

You’ll see, in both, that Love has waited, so patient and kind, carrying with her “the good things we know.”

And the question, is, if the good things no longer work, is it just that our hearts have grown cold?

Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.
My vacations ending. I’m coming home late.
The weather was fine and the ocean was great
and I can’t wait to see you again.

Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
“No one here cares if you go or you stay.
I barely even noticed that you were away.
I’ll see you or I won’t, whatever.”

Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies,
and also when she comes down.

Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
With a serious look on his face.

Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow.
To trust. To hope. To care.

Hate sits alone on the hood of his car.
Without much regard to the moon or the stars.
Lazily killing the last of a jar
Of the strongest stuff you can drink.

Love takes a taxi, a young man drives.
As soon as he sees her, hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after, at the end of the ride,
Cause he might never see her again.

Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams o’er the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says 2:55,
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.

Love has been waiting, patient and kind.
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign,
That the one that she cares for, who’s out of his mind,
Will make it back safe to her arms.

Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung down, eyes to the floor.
He says “Love, I’m sorry”, and she says, “What for?
I’m yours and that’s it, Whatever.
I should not have been gone for so long.
I’m yours and that’s it, forever.”

You’re mine and that’s it, forever.

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Salvation Song

“And if you take of my soul, you can still leave it whole

By the pieces of your own you leave behind.”

 

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Okay, last one.  They opened with my favorite song, my anthem.  The song that made me fall in love the brothers and their music.

Head Full of Doubt

“when nothing is old, deserved, or expected.

and your life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected

if you’re loved by someone, you’re never rejected

decide what to be and go be it.”

“there’s a darkness upon us that’s flooded in light

and I’m frightened by those who don’t see it.”

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Also?  I knew we were in for a treat when, “You Ain’t Woman Enough to Take My Man,”  by Loretta Lynn came screeching over the speakers about ten minutes before the concert.

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Okay, I lied. Here’s the last one. Taylor, singing a song he wrote based on Psalm 42.

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Nicaragua, Scrabble, and plenty of Smack Talk

May 15, 2013

via Shawna Grapentin I’m not very adventurous, really.  I live a pretty quiet life of taking care of my family, homeschooling my girls, reading and writing, and occasionally channeling Tammy Wynette—which could negate the quiet part.  (And because it’s gonna be important in a few short paragraphs, let me say that I am an avid [...]

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The Wild Truth

May 14, 2013

If  you’ve never read Orthodoxy, by G.K. Chesterton, you should.  I’m sure I read it four times before I began to understand it and see the genius of it.  It’s worth the effort, I promise.  I wasn’t gonna post today but after I read this section, I had to share it.  His thoughts on the [...]

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what momma said

May 13, 2013

This is a repost from last Mother’s Day but it’s been an emotional weekend and I needed to hear her words again today.  Telling our stories is hard and I’m thankful for all the courageous women in my life who have been brave enough to speak, even when “your hands are shaking and your faith [...]

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Why I’m Not A Feminist, part 2::{Christ as Husband}

May 11, 2013

I appreciate how so many of you have joined in this very important conversation. I would ask kindly that you read the post in its entirety before commenting. My words have been misconstrued in some cases to say things that I did not say. Where I have felt misunderstood, I have added or reworded a [...]

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How to Knit a Dishcloth::{for the beginner}

May 8, 2013

I like to call these Grannie washcloths.  Kinda like Grannie’s Fudge but without the chocolate.  They are so darn cute and useful and easy to make.  I’ve made 4 this week already and this is the perfect little project in which to learn to knit.  They make THE perfect little handmade gift and you’ll love [...]

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Ditto/DIY::Painted Tray Vignette

May 6, 2013

Welcome to our first {ditto} DIY challenge! Once a month, beginning today, nine very different bloggers are attempting to recreate in our own homes a project or design element inspired by a haute couture design selected by Darlene Weir of Fieldstone Hill Design. (For more details on what {ditto}DIY is all about, check out this [...]

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The Becoming Conference

May 3, 2013

I’m so excited to tell you about two wonderful women—Jen Schmidt, from Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, and Jenny Martin,  from Southern Savers—who are hosting an awesome conference in Asheville, North Carolina, called The Becoming Conference.  The conference is centered around intentional living and will be held at the Ridgecrest Conference Center, August 9th and 10th. [...]

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