My son Taylor, who is now 21 and entering his 3rd year of college has been the singer/songwriter for the band The Verity for the past few years.

This band has defined him in many  ways and has given us all a host of precious memories.

I miss the sound of his guitar in my house so much.

His decision to do pre-med and the bands’ scattering after high school have made it difficult to remain together.

They will have their final show this Saturday night at Cherokee Park Amphitheater.

Those of you who’ve followed this blog for a long time have been so supportive of Taylor—and we thank you!

I will miss the part of his life.   The closing of another chapter.    I will miss those boys who have been dear friends to him and like sons to me.

Goodbye Verity and God bless you all as you carry His word and His songs in your hearts.

I love you Tay!

{Their music is available on iTunes}

You have searched me and known me

You search out my path and my lying down

You are aquainted with all my ways

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me

‘You knit me together in my mother’s womb’

Where shall I go from your spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

He will never be alone. His Lord will be ever present. And my beloved son will be ‘hemmed in’. He will be surrounded by a hedge of protection. (And a cute little beanie hat). I know that I need not worry. But I also know that this is just one more stage in the process of letting them go. And I don’t know any other way to walk through that valley except one painful step at a time. So bear with me. My heart is heavy. My thoughts and days are bitter sweet.

I guess I should be thankful that I’ll still have this one home to make me laugh. I’ve been trying to think up a good rap name for him. Maybe S. Macdaddy Wads or better yet, all one word, Smacdaddy Wads. And just that quick I go from tears to belly laughs. Welcome to my emotional roller coaster.

~~BTW, I did NOT ask him to pose. This is his natural gangsta face. Be very afraid.

~~ Caiti like the beanie so much, I’ve started one for her. I feel a tsunami of tears on the horizon.

*a few pics and a song from Taylor’s graduation video

they’re gone

Kite by U2

Something is about to give
I can feel it coming
I think I know what it is
I’m not afraid to die
I’m not afraid to live
And when I’m flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did

And hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin

I want you to know
That you don’t need me anymore
I want you to know
You don’t need anyone
Or anything at all

Who’s to say where the wind will take you?
Who’s to say what it is will break you?
I don’t know, which way the wind will blow

Who’s to know when the time has come around?
Don’t want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

It’s summer, I can taste the salt of the sea
There’s a kite blowing out of control on the breeze
I wonder what’s gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me…

I’m a man, I’m not a child…
A man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes

Who’s to say where the wind will take you?
Who’s to say what it is will break you?
I don’t know, where the wind will blow

Who’s to know when the time has come around?
I don’t want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

Did I waste it?
Not so much I couldn’t taste it
Life should be fragrant
Rooftop to the basement

Thank you Hopefull, for this song!

It’s been a busy week for our family as we anticipate the fast approaching graduation of my son, Taylor. He was honored with many of his classmates this week as being among the class to receive more honors and scholarships than any other class in the history of West High School.

He graduates with first honors….with a weighted GPA above 4.0 (I’m still not sure how that’s possible)

and will attend East Tennessee State University on a music and academic scholarship, while his best friend Andrew was honored with all the same acolades and will attend King College (only about 20 miles from Taylor’s college) on an academic and cross country scholarship.

He was honored as a member of Who’s Who and was recognized as the male ‘senior of the year’ by his music teacher for his participation in Chamber Choir.   It makes a mama proud.   And brings a mama to tears.  (and in retrospect, makes a mama wish she had insisted on that hair cut)!

 To top off the week, his band, The Verity, was invited to play at the World’s Fair Park last night in Knoxville.  The girls and I met my mom, my nieces and my nephew to tour the Sunsphere and enjoy downtown Knoxville before the concert started.

My mother’s best friend from childhood, whom I also call my 2nd mom, is the owner of the historic Thackston School, which burned a few months back and had to relocate the Holiday Inn Convention Center; conveniently located about 50 yards from the World’s Fair ampitheater.  Her son, John, just happens to have the best view of Knoxville, with his office in the top of the Sunsphere.   Needless to say, it was a fun field trip.

This is the view of the ampitheater from John’s office.

So, despite the intermittent rain, we had a ball.

I think the boys did too.  This was a beautiful venue.

Everything these days is covered with a haze, a mixture of sadness and joy.   I’m filled with pride and yet, always on the verge of tears.  I feel so blessed to take this journey with him and still apprehensive that when the time comes for me to step off the trail, I won’t be ready.  He won’t be ready.

I know that this is only the beginning for him.   The world lies in wait; ready to embrace another generation of our youth.  It’s my job to let go, to give him gladly to a world that is hurting and in need of strong minds and compassionate hearts.  And I will find a way to let go.  

Because deep down, I know that what we give away from open hands and hearts, always comes back to us.  The sadness turns to joy.   The tears are a baptism of sorts.  Drowning out the need to control….to hold too tightly.  It is necessary for this goodbye—-this death to the way things have always been—before new life can spring forth. 

I will say goodbye to this way of life.   To this way I have mothered you.  But I will not say goodbye.   I will hold you in my heart always.  Rejoicing with you in your joys.   And bearing your burdens with you in my heart….and on my knees.   I will be here for you.   Always.

                    Yeah, there is a light

                        In your eyes

Breathe in and breathe out

Breathe in and breath out.