xoxo,

edie

good stuff from today’s reading:

Culture yourselves, I pray you. Live on the great thoughts which expand the soul and charge the being with forcefulness, and eschew utterly the wretched stuff out of which so many girls are building up flabby-tissued brains. Enrich your nature with true art. Busy your days with better preparation for your future position than the frivolous play of society, which wastes the energies and belittles the stature of womanhood. Above all, see that you live in open-souled up-look to the Father, the Source and Fount of all high life, in fellowship with the Son, the pattern and exemplar of all nobleness of human form, and in communion of that Spirit of Holiness who ever moveth in you all pure, true pulses, the Lord and giver of Life.

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p.s.  thank you to those of you who sent me your stories.  i’m still reading and responding so thanks for your patience:)  y’all are the BEST internet friends ever.   and so smart.  loves ya lots

i love january.

i know it’s my birthday month and i know it’s the new year but i don’t know very many people who love january like i do.

i always hunker down in january.   i’m fit to be tied with reVolutions and i’m busy making a good start on every last one of them.

i probably read more in january than any other month.   that may be the key to why i like it so much.

there is NO better way to be inspired than to read the right books.   i read 2 books the first weekend of the new year (the flip side of feminism and the church of Facebook) and i’m almost done with 2 more (lectures on womanhood and my not-so-storybook life)

my  soul must be famished.

i’m also always eating cleaner in january and i think the clear head combined with beating down the physical appetites makes for a great combination.

and despite last week’s semi-urgent gallbladder removal, i had already made nice with my running shoes and the 30 day shred.  hopefully to be started back tomorrow.

(i’m healing fast and feeling pretty darn great!)

then there’s the spiritual reVolt.

i never miss devotions in january.   i read extra.   i pray harder.  i make lists of people to pray for and lately have been using Starck’s Prayer Book to guide me.

january is almost always a season of doing hard work, laying down roots,  forging new habits which makes the flowering seasons of spring even more sweet.

i’m also reading and writing a lot about ‘womanhood’.   i hope to publish an ebook(let)  in a couple months full of my own personal journey ‘home’,   the spiritual and philosophical underpinnings of woman’s work in the world, how to train our daughters to be ladies, wives and mothers and some fun stuff including new recipes, etc.   on that note, if you’ve left a professional career to stay home with your children, i’d love a short email (possibly to be included in the book) about your story;   your career path, why you left,  the emotional and spiritual consequences for your family and how you’re adjusting to life at home.  it’d also be interesting to know if you’d encourage your own daughters to take a similar path.

hmmmm, what else?

cleaning, reorganizing, you know the routine.

and planning the herb and vegetable garden.

and thinking i may just need to finish decorating the master bedroom pretty soon.

and planning dinners and breakfasts and parties and maybe even a retreat.

and praying and planning for Pearl—which i’d LOVE for you to attend.

i’m passing on my january love to my girls who woke up this morning with their fresh lists and goals and schedules.

they said it was the best day of school ever.  they have caught my january fever and it may take us through to March, if we’re lucky!

january is all the underground, behind-the scenes hard work that it takes to make every other month fruitful and beautiful.

never underestimate the power of january, unassuming and quiet as she sometimes may be.

she’s a force to be reckoned with.

she’s the  leader of  this reVolt, you know.

find a good book and some buried goals and let january make you over.

sending mucho january love your way,

edie

I’m overwhelmed with list-making and dream-seeking and soul-searching .   Hope swells and washes the memory of past failures clean.

I couldn’t care less that I’ve made this list 20 times before and didn’t follow through with it.

As a matter of fact, this tendency toward renewal and resolution  wasn’t even our idea.

We borrowed it from our Father who promised new mercies every morning and fresh starts ‘seventy times seven’ times.

I completely believe deep down in my heart that this year will be different.   You couldn’t convince me otherwise if your life depended on it.

Despite the fact that I made this list when I turned 40, I still haven’t run a marathon or met Todd, Jeff and Craig, or made homeade bagels.

But isn’t part of the reward of our new years’ lists  the longing and the planning and hope beyond all hope that this year surely things can be different?

The gift is there already, in the courage to believe.   And when I fail, I fall hard into the hands of Grace.  There’s no downside—only endless expectation as we  ’groan inwardly’  and ‘wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.”

And even if you don’t buy into my abiding optimism, what’s the worst that can happen.

What if I don’t keep my resolution to read 42 books this year?  What if I’m a complete failure and only read 30?

And what if I set out to run a marathon and only manage to  run a 10K?    Or what if I still don’t make those bagels?

Here’s why it doesn’t matter.

God has given me everything I could possibly need in His son.  I am forgiven and blessed with the every good gift from the Father.

The rest  is icing on the cake.

But this liturgy of life—the rising and setting of the sun, the coming of another new year—was never meant to be hum drum routine.

It is life-giving ritual and rhythm.  And I hope I never tire of it because it’s the stuff life is made of and it’s pure gift from our Father.

I hope that despite many my frailties and failures I always approach this newness with anticipation and joy.

It’s gonna be a great year.  Revolutionary even.  I just know it.

***********************

Just for fun, here’s my very unorthodox observations and a peek at my list:

First of all, it’s two thousand twelve.   I don’t think I need to say more but I will.   The year of the Apocalypse, or so some claim.   I doubt it but even if the world comes to an end, that’s good because our resolutions will be null and void and we’ll be in heaven.    Here’s why it’s gonna be a good year.

1.  It’s an even year.   All even years are the best.  Stevie and I were both born in even years as were all my kids.   We were married in an even year and I graduated from college and med school in even years.  Need more proof?  Johnny Cash released ‘Folsom Prison’ in 1968 which was the same year ‘Stand by Your Man’ was released as a single.  I rest my case.

2.  It’s 2012.   12 is a very cool number in scripture.  There were 12 sons of Jacob, 12 plagues, 12 tribes of Isreal, and 12 apostles.    12 is 3×4.  3 signifies the trinity or divine perfection and 4 signifies the creative works of God, especially as related to earth.   12′s gonna be a good year.   Apocalypse or not.

3.  It’s gonna be a ‘flowering’ year.   As I’m sure you can relate, some years are for roots and foundations.   Those are the years that you have new babies or you move or start new jobs or your house burns down.  Those years are hard to measure in terms of resolution progress.  But they’re no less important.  In fact, the rooting years are probably the most important of all.   But they’re usually the ones that you’re glad to have behind you.  I’m pretty sure we’re due a ‘flowering’ year here at the Wadsworths.   I could be wrong but I see big huge hydrangea blooms in our future

4.  I’m convinced it’s gonna be a great year because I’m currently undefeated in Scrabble.   ANDDDD……on New Year’s Eve at approximately 11:57, I scored a 94 (or was it 99?) point word to clench the title of reigning Scrabble champion.   And that’s not all.   The word was AVENUES.   See what I mean?

So my advice?

Make resolutions with reckless abandon.   Kick it up a notch and call them reVolutions.  (thank you Katherine!)

And show two thousand twelve what you’re made of.

*****************************

Here’s my list, brought to you by Picnik and my very optimistic New Year’s self.  I chose 12 because I like number games and 42 because I’m almost 42.

Did you make a list?  I think you should.

Please email me Diane and I’ll email you the confirmation of the paid ticket.   Let me know if something prevents you from coming so we make good use of the ticket!  Congratulations Diane!

************************************************

Before you fill up that brand spanking new 2012 calendar, I think you should consider a little road trip with me to Nashville on March 10.

My darling sweet-as-sugar friend Sibi has announced Pearl Event II—The Double Strand, a gathering of women for a day to connect through stories and share through vulnerability and encourage our fellow sisters in our various vocations as women.

My knees are already knocking.  I’m supposed to share my story.    Whilst standing upright and speaking into a microphone.  And ideally without disintegrating into a puddle of tears.

I said yes right away and then got chest pains and hyperventilated.   Then I ate some fudge and felt better.

And then I did hitch kicks because PAIGE IS GONNA BE THERE TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{I don’t know if I can wait until March.}

So I really hope you’ll join us.   We want to meet you and love on you and make sure you know what a pearl of great price you are to our Father!

Sibi’s friends Sarah and Jane will be there as well sharing their stories.  I have lots of new friends to make!

And then Sibi herself will tell her tender story of struggle and faith.

{{Side story:   I met Sibi at Blissdom 2 years ago and I think she  may very well be an angel in disguise.  You’ve never met a  more  sweet or gracious southern belle.  Her description of meeting me cracked me up—she said I was a cross between Paula Deen and Beth Moore, carrying a plate of cupcakes (true story) and dressed like a scrapbook page with heavily applied eye liner (true that as well) }}

Here’s the nitty gritty:

Saturday, March 10, 2012

9:00 ~ 4:00

The Opryland Hotel

Magnolia Ballroom

Nashville, Tennessee

You may purchase a ticket for $25 here. There is limited space so don’t hem and haw around like I’m want to do.

I’ll be getting to Nashville on Friday so we can eat lunch together and shop at Anthropologie and get our smoky eyes done at the MAC counter for free.

I’m so excited to meet you in real life that I’m buying a ticket myself and giving it away to you!

Just leave a comment and I’ll pick a winner at exactly 12:00am on January 1st 2012.

Who am I kidding.  It’s very likely I’ll be asleep but I’ll pick a winner soon, how’s that?

Pencil in the Pearl Girls.

Mwahhhhhh!

xoxo,

ms. edie shaking-in-her-cowboy-boots wadsworth

We also quietly and deliberately celebrate Advent in the evenings after dinner with Dad.

I love the contrast.   The quiet reverence.   The raucous joy.   All neatly wrapped up in one chilly December day.

Oh if all days could sit at Decembers’ feet and  learn to submit to the strain of this paradox.

And yet still, I haven’t shopped or decorated very much or even so much as made a December pan of fudge.

So far, it’s all basking in the Bright Light that has made their faces shine with salvation.

I know.   Pretty soon I’m gonna have to do more than bask.

************************

Speaking of bright shiny faces…….

Are you familiar with the awesomeness which is foo dogs?

Well, these ancient relics of Chinese (Buddhist) legend have  made their way into the hearts of eclectic home decorators everywhere.

They look like a mix between a lion and a dog and they’re so hideous they’re cute.

I’ve adopted an adorable very large pair from Greenville’s Antique Marketand  and they have willingly converted to Christianity and agreed to celebrate Advent with us.

They are guarding my screen porch Christmas tree as we speak.

Did I mention large?    And nearly the cutest things I’ve ever seen?   In a hideous/cute sort of a way.     May I add quite large?  The size of an average toddler?

Okay okay, here they are!  (I’m trying to give my sister a little time to *study* ( *see* them) in advance so she doesn’t totally lose it when she sees their glory in person.

I’m not gonna lie.  They’re outrageous—– in the most wonderful sort of way.

See, you can’t take your eyes off them.   You’re stunned.  You’re not sure we can be friends.

Just don’t make any rash decisions today.   You know you wanna like them.   You know you do.

***********************

AND NOW,  you must concentrate because we have one item of business left.

I’m having a party next week and you’re invited.   Make that 3 parties.   3 linky parties full of Christmas food.

I  wanna wow the home crowd with goodies, new and old.  I do.

So I thought next week, we’d link up some of our favorite December recipes.    You can post a link or go all Pioneer Woman on me and post every last jot and tittle.

I’m giving you the weekend to cook something up and meet us here next week to swap ideas.

You can find last years’ cookie exchange here.

{I’ll try to make a cute party button like that soon!}

Monday–Appetizers

Wednesday–Sweets

Friday–Breads and Breakfast

I’ll try to get the linky working over the weekend and if all goes right, I won’t blow up the internet.

If you don’t have a blog, link to your Facebook page.   Or better yet, start a blog over the weekend (it’s really easy as pie) and we’ll be internet neighbors.

Are you in?  Or have the life sized foo dogs scarred you for life?

Do tell.

And what am I doing, you ask?  And just why haven’t I posted in well over a week?

Well.   That’s a real good question.

And here’s what I’ve got for ya.

I’m hunkered down, that’s what.   Trying to learn enough Latin to teach it to my children and  just tucked in to home right snug and doing what moms and wives around the world do everyday.

*****************

You know the list.   Laundry, cooking, dishes, schooling, a wee bit of knitting, a whole lot of reading and even the noble task of rearing young girls in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.   It’s quite noble work but it’s so easy to despise it.   To wish it away while daydreaming about grandiose plans and schemes.

Today, I choose to relish it.

I hold the laundry tight and inhale extra long and think about the love that is modeled when a woman washes the same clothes over and over, day in, day out—-almost touching something sacred—-this washing and consecrating of materials things for a noble and good purpose.   The renewal that comes from being clean.   My heart aches for that washing too.   Perhaps it’s a blessed thing, this daily rhythm of life. We love the grand scale, the best days, the shiny things.   The bright newness of God’s blessed restoration.

But what about all those ordinary days?  Where is God then?

He always chooses the ordinary things to do his greatest work.

He chose bread to feed us. Water to wash us.   A baby to save us.

He is no despiser of the small days.

It is in them that we see the key to life.

Not in falling in love but in loving everyday,  with clean socks and warm soup.

Not in that one blissful day of childbirth but in the birth of each day, one a time, where the daily routine teaches us to depend on our Father,  who has made no provision for tomorrow—but only today, in this daily bread.

Perhaps this thing I’ve come to dread—-this daily drudgery—-is in fact my greatest teacher, in disguise.

Teaching me to live in this moment.  With these children.   And this sacred work.    It’s really all there is.

Today is the day of salvation.

So, I hold on tightly to little hands.   And I stir the soup.   And I fold the towels.

And I say thank you for this work, this calling.

And for this blessed ordinary day—where grace and mercy rain down and turn water into wine, drudgery into vocation, and curse into blessing.

************

In His incarnation, Christ has knit creation back together and sanctified our flesh, our mundane.  He has redeemed for us all the ‘actual textures of physical life’ and granted us the ‘full extent of the  mysteries of the incarnation and all that flows from it, and all that make our mortal life fruitful once more.”

“The incarnation took all that properly belongs to our humanity and delivered it back to us, redeemed.  All of our inclinations and appetites and capacities and yearnings are purified and gathered up and glorified by Christ.  He did not come to thin out human life;  He came to set it free.   All the dancing and feasting and processing and singing and building and sculpting and baking and merrymaking that belong to us, and that were stolen away into the service of false gods, are returned to us in the gospel.”

(quotes taken from Evangelical is Not Enough by Thomas Howard, first quotation paraphrased and links all to podcasts of  Issues Etc.org )

I wish you blessings in all of your ordinary days!

xoxo,

edie

Post-Edit: I have the best readers in the world and when Laura sent me this email last night, I thought I’d share it you and then see if I can find a willing pastor to comment/answer her. I love that she is wrestling with the words and their meaning and I’m always willing to learn. You can add your two cents if you’d like too

Edie,
Your post today was beautiful, well-written, and brought a tear to my eye. And it touched on some things I’ve been mulling over lately. I’ve been thinking about this idea of all things being sacred–of finding the spiritual in the mundane things. I’d love to know what you think, since I think we approach our understanding of Christianity and the church from similar perspectives.

I’m wondering about the conflating of sacred and secular, or of sacred and all of life. I’ve read others writing similar (encouraging!) things. I certainly appreciate and recognize the reality that God works in all of our life–through the mundane and the routine and the little things. But I wonder if that is the same as a thing being sacred? I wonder if our sacramentalizing all of life actually may cause us to care less about, to lose our wonder at the true sacraments ordained by Christ and the special grace of which they are a means. Maybe it is just a matter of semantics and I’m thinking too much about this. Maybe it’s just because I was an English teacher and I get really interested in the words we use and how the usage changes, but maybe the usage does affect the way we think and then finally what we believe.

Just my two cents, for what it’s worth. I love your thought-provoking writing, Edie. No need to respond unless you want to.

Love to you,
Laura
the given life

1. I think Scooter’s a little lonesome for Hank. Whatdaya think?  And he’s no dummy, yarn makes everything feel better.

2.  Speaking of yarn, I haven’t done much handiwork since the fire.   My mother-in-law, on the other hand has more drive and determination to get a project done than anyone I think I’ve ever met.  She has knit all her grandkids an afghan in the past couple of years.  (13 of them, I think?!)   And as if she didn’t have enough to worry about, she started knitting an afghan for Steve and I, since ours was lost in the fire.   I shouldn’t have been surprised when this came in the mail.

Yeah, I know.  Now pick yourself up off the floor and look at it from this angle.

It’s absolutely stunning.   My fingers hurt just thinking about it.  And this is one of MANY that she’s made lately.

I’ve forbidden anyone to touch it.  I drape it across the ottoman in my bedroom and admire its’ beauty every single day.

What an amazing gift!   We are so thankful.  It seems that this restoration has no end

3.  In contrast to that lovely work of art, I’m currently knitting a dishcloth.   Loser.

4.  JamieKnoxville is on a flight to visit as we speak.   She’s like a sister to me and when her and I and my sister get together, there’s gonna be trouble along with  loud singing of ‘Stand by Your Man’.   While most of us put on a pound or two as we age, she seems to get thinner and thinner.  Darn her.    So this is the text I sent her yesterday.

5.  Truth is, I’m the one who’s gonna need the stretch pants but she did say that all she’s bringing is ‘bed clothes’, translated lounge pants and sweat shirts.

Here are her list of demands.

–She doesn’t want to be over scheduled because porch sitting is her main objective.

–She told me not to do anything else to her room until she gets here—no bed skirt until she approves of it.

–She’s not coming unless there are black out shades on her windows.

I’ve complied with all her requests and I’ve even planned a night to watch Coal Miner’s Daughter.

{Deep Breath}.        I think I’m ready.

6.  As you know, I’m a foodie.  I love to cook and try new recipes but just like everyone else, I get into a rut.   I function much better with a meal plan for the week even if I don’t follow it exactly.  My friend Tammy recently told me about a site called Emealz, where you subscribe to a weekly meal plan for $5 per month.   With the subscription, you’re allowed to choose your grocery store and based on the sales at your store that week, a menu is posted that will feed a family of 4-6 for $80-90/week.   The menu is strategic in that it uses items more than once.  (Make chicken on Monday and make enough to use in a soup on Thursday.)  I’ve received two meal plans so far and I think I’m really gonna like it.  Most of the recipes are fairly easy but I’m impressed so far with the variety.  Here’s a sampling of last week’s menu.  The site also generates a shopping list for you based on the layout of the grocery store.  It just might revolutionize your 5 o’clock panic!  I made the creamy crock pot chicken today for lunch and it was wonderful and waiting for us when we got home from church!

7. Speaking of help with food, I updated my recipes page this weekend. These are tried and true recipes that are guaranteed to please. I’ve come to think that I’m somewhat of a ‘soup whisperer’. I make soups all the time and even branched out and made lasagna soup this weekend. It was FAB-you-lous. I highly recommend.

8. I’m making carrot cake right now and my house smells your grandma’s at Christmas. That happens to make me very happy. Since I lost all my recipes in the fire, I’m more determined than ever to preserve my favorites here. I did a little mixing of recipes for this carrot cake so I’ll let you know how she turns out.
Recipe to follow if all goes well.

9. I also updated the ’31 Days’ page so you can access the days easily. I added a link to the series at the bottom of my blog.

10. I’m reading Jane Eyre ever so slowly. It’s a great book and happens to be a classic that I never read. My classic-reading book club is marching right on despite my very sketchy presence over the past year. We’re reading The Wide Sargassa Sea next, which is a fictionalized ‘back story’ for Jane Eyre. Good stuff, I tell ya.

11. The girls and I are trying our best to keep up with school despite multiple distractions. Several of you have asked and I do hope to update you on our curriculum and such.

12. I’m working on Thanksgiving in my head. The new Southern living has some good recipes and ideas. I love my table setting from two years ago.

I need to find something fun for this year.   Pinterest can help, I’m sure!

p.s. The inside of my oven looks like I’ve lived here waaaayyy longer than a month. And it’s not even Thanksgiving yet.

Happy November

I learned a few things today from the contents of my frig.

the good:

-my crispers are full of good veggies

-we eat real butter (unlike some of my other very dear Lutheran friends who dare to cook with/eat margarine)

-we have plenty of left-overs, which adds to the lunch variety at home

-there’s a variety of good cheese:  gruyere, parmegianno regianno, sharp cheddar, maytag blue,  stilton, and real mozzarella

-we have plums picked from Jeff and Vicki’s plum tree that I must use soon (jelly?  tart?)

-i’ve switched to unsweet tea, which is not easy or normal for a Southern girl

-there’s homeade salsa (made by me) and homeade strawberry jam (made by my sister)

the bad:

-there’s 12 visible sticks of butter and plenty more that you don’t see—don’t be scared

-there are 2 pints of heavy cream

-and 2 quarts of half and half

-don’t judge me

-there are five different containers/kinds of mayo

-repeat the don’t judge me part

-there’s two Jethro- sized half used ketchup bottles that make me wanna vow never to shop at Sam’s again (there’s something about the xl ketchup bottles that makes me lose respect for myself)

the ugly:

-there’s a bowl of something that makes me afraid

-there’s mocha protein milk from sometime in the winter

-there’s a pack of petrified bulk sausage that i just discovered way in the back behind the mexican pasta

-there’s full calorie mike’s lemonade which may mean i’ve given up

When my new BFF Adraine issued this request to see inside our frig’s, I did not tidy up or otherwise move things around (as if that weren’t abundantly clear).   I think you should go right now and take a pic of the inside of your frig and post it on your blog and tell us all your dirty secrets.   Tell us in the comments if you do it.   I think this is big fun.

I vow to clean mine out.

Tomorrow.

You can peruse a host of frig’s here. Some of them are very funny.   Maybe pantries should be next!

She is an amazing woman.   She has been my rock during this grieving/recovering/rebuilding period.

She lives an hour away but comes to see me all the time.   To make sure I’m okay.   To see for herself that I’m not falling apart.

Or to hold my hand while I do.

I don’t know what I’d do without her.

She’s one of those gifted people who can do anything—-she can cook, clean, cut hair, hang beaded board, rewire a lamp, disassemble a large playset with a butter knife (in the rain),  raise children,  read a book in a day,  nurse the sick, comfort the grieving, laugh like nobody’s watching and listen to ‘High Cotton’ over and over again while we practice our clogging.

I made a video tribute for her but was unable to upload it because of  ’copyright’ infringement.    I began it with ‘Hello Darlin’ by Conway Twitty and couldn’t resist adding ‘Stand by Your Man’ while the pictures of her husband played.

It was pretty priceless.  Just like her.

Bless her little heart, she had food poisoning 2 days before the party and was still a little ‘green’.   But she was a good sport and let us have our fun.

Her sister in law and my high school bestie, Shawna, hosted us.   She has such a beautiful house—-so of course I took a camera tour —-and thought you might enjoy the photos.

LOVE the built-ins and Graysen’s (Shawna’s daughter) turquoise room!

She has an awesome 2nd kitchen in her basement (left) and a gorgeous main kitchen with this brick flanked stove.

Her screen porch is to-die-for.   Love the ceiling and I think I’ll have to steal the double door entry idea.

Happy Birthday Sis! “I love you better’n anythang!”

As a side note, here in Appalachia, we call all our female family members ‘sister’. Sometimes we shorten it to sis or sissy but it makes the contacts on my phone confusing.
Is my contact named ‘Sister’ my sister or Caiti or Jamie or Kris? So then who is ‘sissy’?
Does anyone else do this? Or is it just my crazy family?

and um,  that’s day 2!

Clogging is just something that a girl like me—-who loves all things appalachian—- should be able to do.

And who can resist the temptation when you have the opportunity to embarass your children right good?

I’m completely obsessed.

I’m a clogging fool.

I’ve made myself a student of D Ray White and all manner of homeade you tube clogging videos.

(please watch the whole video but if you’re pressed for time, go to about 3:40 and watch the rest. It’s priceless.
And if Stevie would bring home some plywood from the jobsite, I could just clog in the front yard too.)

Our teacher is absolutely amazing and so is his beautiful Zumba-teaching wife.

As a side note, I took her Zumba class with a bunch of 18 year olds and felt like the chubby girl at the prom trying

to keep up with all the popular girls——but not quite keeping up.   My girls rolled their eyes plenty during that class.

They finally couldn’t take it anymore and left the room.

But clogging?  It’s just in my bones. And goes so well with banjos and fiddles.

Caiti came home last night and we even taught her our little ditty from last week.

High Cotton is our song and who doesn’t love some vintage Alabama?

Speaking of High Cotton,  Stevie felt like he was in high cotton when he finally got to pull his car into the garage.

I can only imagine that it was almost as thrilling as watching me clog this last week.

So there. What have done to embarass your loved ones lately?
xoxo,
edie

p.s. enjoy this video of our clogging teacher Mr. Justin and his wife Tara and their superior clogging skills.
will I be this good next year? one can only hope.