art::the ancient path

by Edie Wadsworth on June 30, 2011

“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.


Emily, my dear blogging friend and author of a blog and a brand new forthcoming book, writes often about ‘relentlessly pursuing your art’-—no matter how grand or how measly you think it is.

What is your art, you ask?   It is the way you express your truest self.

If you don’t know what your art is, Emily will gently help you find it.

{It’s THAT thing you’re waiting to do when you have more time and resources and less stress and turmoil.}

Those posts of hers cut me to the quick.   Sometimes, I  click away because I know I’m not there yet and I don’t want to be reminded.

Since the fire, I’m a little hamstrung.   I feel like I’m holding back a powerful river of words with a dining fork.

The art will seap out of your pores if you won’t give voice to it.   I know that.

And it will lead you to  healing waters, if given half a chance.

But…….

I don’t trust myself just yet.   All the words come out wrong.

I take that back.    The words, the thoughts, the deeds, the meals, the mothering, the learning—-none of it seems quite right yet.

The art is quenched.

Hushed up.

Lying in an ash heap.

It would do me well to remember C.S. Lewis’ words,

“First, I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that

is already clear in my mind.

If it were clear in my mind,   I should have no incentive or need to write about it.

We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand.”

And God, our Father, the first and ultimate creative mind, uses

elements of His creation to bring us into intimate relationship with Himself.

He has not hidden Himself—but

has given Himself lavishly to us in the blood of His son by means

of water, bread, wine, words.

Maybe we hide our art to hide our true selves.

So in honor of the beauty and vulnerability of art, I’m gonna hit publish on my heart’s groanings today.

I will say ‘yes’ to art.   And you should too.   It’s doesn’t take a lot of time, just a little courage.

Baby steps.

**********************

Every so often I wake up in a cold sweat from the nightmare.

It’s always the same.

I wake up to a burning house.

Only in my dream, my husband isn’t able to crawl through the house…..

and I’m not able to jump out of the window………

and Caiti doesn’t usher the little girls to safety.

:::::::

Thankfully, I wake up before the unthinkable happens.

My heart rate takes a while to recover.

And I usually can’t go back to sleep.

The mind moves on to more pressing things like marble countertops and wood floors and patio furniture.

But the heart is stubborn.

It won’t let go until it’s good and ready.

Time stands still for some of life’s moments.

The healing will not be rushed or fooled by your glossed over and rehearsed answers.

::::::::::

But I know this for sure—-

I live among heroes.

I am wife to a husband who will literally run through a burning building for me.

I am the mother of a daughter who stands up  brave and looks danger right  in the eyes.

I am the child of a Father who slays every fiery dragon that haunts my soul.

I’ve no need to worry.

He is the ancient path, the crossroads, the Way.

And He’s got this.

*******************

if this post were a song, it’d befind my love by the avett brothers
i sometimes substitute the word art for love

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{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }

1 paige June 30, 2011 at 11:12 am

i love you friend!

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2 Trish Jones June 30, 2011 at 11:26 am

You have such a gift to give, Edie – keep sharing.  So sorry about the fire – I simply cannot imagine.
-Trish

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3 Valarie June 30, 2011 at 11:29 am

Think of you daily… your post gave me chills! Hugs my dear.. 

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4 emily freeman June 30, 2011 at 11:44 am

Well. That dining fork isn’t holding any kind of candle to your art today, friend. That river is flowing, and it is so very beautiful.

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5 michelle June 30, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Thank you for letting the words flow.  You are a blessing to me today.

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6 michelle June 30, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Thank you for letting the words flow.  You are a blessing to me today.

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7 Derenda June 30, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Edie, I thank God for you today! We anxiously await each day, hoping to hear or see the art form that is given you by our Lord.
Both you, and the Lord have blessed us today.
God’s Peace!

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8 Derenda June 30, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Edie, I thank God for you today! We anxiously await each day, hoping to hear or see the art form that is given you by our Lord.
Both you, and the Lord have blessed us today.
God’s Peace!

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9 Southern Gal June 30, 2011 at 12:11 pm

As I read this “Blowing in the Wind” is playing on a certain CD I’m listening to.  You are most courageous.  Hugs to you today, Edie. 

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10 Southern Gal June 30, 2011 at 12:11 pm

As I read this “Blowing in the Wind” is playing on a certain CD I’m listening to.  You are most courageous.  Hugs to you today, Edie. 

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11 Meme June 30, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Teary.I say it everyday even if sometimes I doubt it and others think I am being vain I mean it! I “am” his child I walk in a constant state of grace.I have been through so much( not quite the same things as you ) but “he” just keeps on covering me!Thanks for sharing. My prayer today is that I continue to search til I get to my truest self.BTW God is waaay too merciful for that nightmare youre having to ever have an ending.Have a good Holiday weekend.

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12 Cltooley June 30, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Thank you for sharing your heart. It does take a lot of courage to share your thoughts and fears out loud, but it’s healing and while doing so you’re helping to heal others. Thanks for helping me.

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13 Ruth Emond June 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Sweet Edie-thank you for opening your heart and letting the river of words flow. You are such a blessing. You have inspired others by your example. May God bringing healing to your heart.

Hugs,
Ruth

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14 Prairie Mama June 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Sweet art is written all through this post dear Edie.

Blessings!

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15 kendal June 30, 2011 at 1:04 pm

ummmm. i think you’ve got it here, edie. this is art.

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16 G Boswell June 30, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Beautifully expressed…

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17 the domestic fringe June 30, 2011 at 1:17 pm

This brought tears to my eyes.  If it’s not art, I don’t know what is.

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18 NewinNorwood June 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm

The words you write,  ”The words, the thoughts, the deeds, the meals, the mothering, the learning—-none of it seems quite right yet.”Lying in an ash heap”
Are exactly how I feel, I too lost my home , not to fire but to finances and bad decisions, and had to move in with my mother. Its been three years and we have bought a new home and  are renovating it, but I feel that in this time, none of my deeds, meals , mothering , is not quite right. I look forward to the days when I have my own space, and I can start getting it all back. Now I am in waiting, and hoping that I did not tarnish any of these relationships. I need to repair it all, I need to heal myself.

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19 Glenda Childers June 30, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Beauty (art) . . . out of ashes. Only Jesus can make that happen. Thanks for sharing.

Fondly,Glenda

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20 Farmer Gal June 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I can relate. Sometimes it is hard for our hearts to accept what we know in our mind. And sometimes you feel like you’ve doled out those polished positive answers so many times, no one realizes that your heart just hasn’t caught up yet. These things take time… God will get you there. :)

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21 Barbie June 30, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Beautiful words today. I lost a home, not to fire.  We were forced to short sell.  My husband has been unemployed for two years. We lived in that home for 16 years.  He buidl a beautiful new kitchen and master bedroom, and added a fourth bedroom.  We’ve been renting now, but nothing seems right still.  You are an inspiration.  Thank you.

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22 andrea from raising peanut June 30, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Hi Barbie…. we might (I might) lose myhome too. We owned quite a few properties and have forclosed on most of them. Now we are deciding whether or not to keep the home I am living in. My husband thinks it’s best (financially) to not keep it. We fixed it up. So many memories! He did so much work on the home. It’s hard.

I wish you the best….

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23 edie wadsworth July 2, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Andrea,
Such heartache for you I know.  Keep clinging to the faith and loving that little sweet boy!  God is faithful, when all others are faithless.   
Hugs,
edie

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24 Barbie July 10, 2011 at 6:46 am

Andrea, I will be praying for you and your husband.  I understand about the memories.  It is a hard seasons, but I am trusting God will bring you through it!

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25 Andrea January 25, 2013 at 8:31 pm

Years later… I am revisiting this post by Edie. If you are still around Barbie… guess what? God is faithful. It’s been a long journey but we now get to keep our house. My marriage is lost, but there was not much I could do to change that. The house, my son and I just recently found out, will be able to stay in my name and not taken in the bankruptcy. Hurray! :) Faith in my God. It’s like Christmas. The blessing just keep on coming.

Love, adrea

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26 Mott June 30, 2011 at 6:22 pm

My heart hurts for you and your reply brings tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. I am troubled that your husband has been out of work for so long. The fear you live with is real but our God is able to see us through our most troubled times. Stand strong and when you are too weak to do that, look for fellow believers to stand with you and wedge you up until you are able to stand on your own. God bless you and your family. I will be praying for you, Barbie.

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27 Barbie July 10, 2011 at 6:45 am

Thank you Mott!  I have found so many encouraging women through blogging.  They have really come alongside to keep me focused on God during this hard season.

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28 edie wadsworth July 2, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Sometimes His gifts are disguised in heartache, aren’t they?   But He is trying to give us what He knows we need—-all from His Father heart,  the heart that knows and loves us like noone can.   Bless you in your struggle Barbie.   He will tear it all down to rebuild it new.   
xo,
edie

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29 Barbie July 10, 2011 at 6:45 am

 Thank you Edie.  I am trusting the builder!

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30 andrea from raising peanut June 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I can so relate. My husband left me over 1 year ago. It’s unthinkable that he is no longer the person I thought he was. It’s been over a year and I still cry, often. It gets easier as time moves on, but in some ways it doesn’t. Some people would like me to move on. I have a hard time letting go. He (my husband) is not able to figure it all out, does he want us or not? When he talks about the future, he leaves me out of it. When he talks about why he is doing what he is doing, I am not in the equation. Our son is, and for that I am grateful. I still have nightmares, meeting his stoic chest, cold, hard, dismissive to my pain.

I think of the positive. Like you, my granite counter tops are food on the table, a beautiful home, a job, friends, family, a garden, lots and lots of stuff. I have my faith now too. I have a good life. All but this one place.

Please, please pray for me, for Oliver our 3 year old son, and for my husband, Matt. We are learning to be friends again, and I know the prayers are working.

But I can so relate to your loss. I was told recently that God removes that which stands in the way of you and Him. Is that true? Or is it simply just that I need to have God as my #1…. not my husband…. These are questions I am moving inward to find the answers to.

And by the way, I am listening to Coldplay, Fix You today… and hoping this is God singing to me. :)

Thank you for your blog today. It popped up by accident today, altho I do swing by to visit, and some times comment, often.

God bless… you are rich in what really really matters.

Andrea

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31 Melissa Stover June 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm

i believe your art is ready to come pouring out! i’ll celebrate with you.

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32 Michele June 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Thank you, Edie! Emily is such an inspiration, and so are you. I have decided to follow my passion and start a new blog. Hope you will come join me! xoxo michele

http://www.thegreatread.blogspot.com  

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33 Joyce June 30, 2011 at 4:51 pm

After you lost your house last December I thought a lot about what I’d do if the same thing happened to me. Well, it happened to my daughter due to the May 22nd tornado in Joplin, mo. Her house and most of her “stuff” is gone. She and her family were not in harm’s way tho, they were out with the rest of the family celebrating a graduation. God’s plan we think. She feels blessed, sad, thankful, sad and we have God’s fingerprings all over us. She has experienced the outpouring of friends and strangers concern and gifts from all over the nation…we continue to be sad and glad.
Joyce

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34 Kate @ Songs Kate Sang June 30, 2011 at 5:09 pm

You are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

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35 Andrea Martin June 30, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Oh Edie. I HEAR you. We have been through almost two years of hell after moving to work at a church that was a mess before we came and continues to be. We were brave enough to resign when conviction would not let us linger and for months upon months we have struggled to survive and grappled with the hurt of lies and of having no earthly defender. I realize I always wrapped up my security in a dollar sign, but in the eight months of searching for another job we weren’t ready to move on. Lower than we’ve ever been, feeling like a failure, feeling disposable, hiding from the pain, trying to forget it….yet- God was bringing us face to face with healing that only the Father can give. Thank you for sharing your heart; God has often used your words to bless and encourage me in this hard life where marriage and parenting and schooling and working are pieced together in His master quilt. Thank you for taking the time to share and allow God to use you in such a powerful way. I’ll be praying for your whole healing and for all the details of rebuilding heart and home to come together in His divine plan. Thank you. Thank you!

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36 Mott Smith June 30, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Beauty for ashes today, Edie! The words have gushed out all over the place. What a blessing your post was to me today and to many others that needed your words. Thank you, sister, and may God “CONTINUE” to bless you and yours!

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37 Ruthie June 30, 2011 at 8:44 pm

I love you Miss Edie! You always seem to touch my heart. 

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38 jennifer June 30, 2011 at 11:05 pm

goosebumps, edi!  goosebumps!  thanks for sharing.

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39 Southern Grace July 1, 2011 at 12:10 am

Hello dear Edie, I honestly wouldn’t know what it would ever feel like to lose your home the way you did and to wake up to the terrifying fire. I know we are all so thankful you all got out alive. I think it’s your mind clearing it’s way out for you to have dreams (nightmares) like that. I know the mind has a way of doing it’s own cleaning. 

Love the song and love your blog. Your a beautiful woman inside and out and have a beautiful family. I know this holiday week-end will be hard on all of you but I just know you will create some beautiful memories. Have a wonderful and glorious Holiday!

Now I know this has nothing to do with your beautiful post, but In your last post you showed a picture with the “Haint Blue” porch ceiling.  I have a post you might like. I also posted a link to the colors. (Also the blue color from the link, next to the one I mentioned is also very pretty)  Here it is:  http://southerngrace-blog.blogspot.com/2011/06/haint-blue-ceilings.html  Hope it helps a little. 

Huggs

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40 Tara July 1, 2011 at 3:16 pm

beautiful art.
thank you for your willingness to be open and transparent.
the new house, the new *stuff* is a welcomed distraction but it’s just that…a distraction.
will continue to pray that you allow God to move you through all that you’ve experienced as a family…
writing sure helps me to understand, too.

have a beautiful weekend, edie.

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41 Donna July 1, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Thank you for sharing Edie…I needed this so much today – a reminder that God is with me, even in my darkest moments!  Blessings to you!

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42 patty July 1, 2011 at 9:13 pm

i am sorry you are still struggling so with this; i know it will be a long road, but your faith (and your family) is so strong. and your art… beautiful. xo

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43 Patsy July 1, 2011 at 9:52 pm

What a moving blog post today! Hang in there, sweetie. God will heal you, it is on His timetable not ours. So glad you felt like writing today. Dwell on the positives, and the negatives will slowly disappear! Have a blessed holiday weekend, and enjoy your heroes!

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44 Theresa July 2, 2011 at 5:06 am

Your writing is simply beautiful.  I am have been touched by your words.  God Bless you.  You are truly a “Beautiful Women of God”. 

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45 Trina July 4, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I love you, Edie. 
That’s all. 

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46 Dayle July 5, 2011 at 2:32 am

I can’t imagine your grief, Edie. Losing everything in a fire is comparable to a death in the family. People often say, in an effort to console, ”But it’s just things.” Truth is, I see the simple contents of my home as much more than “things.” It’s history and memories and everything that has helped me become who I am today. Losing these “things” would leave a hole and a heartache as big as the sky. The best anyone can do is one step at a time, with God’s help and strength. As you say, the heart cannot be rushed. 

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47 Erin_putney July 5, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Very inspiring. I’m a first time visitor but will now be a regular.  :)

- Erin at WeareRandalls.com

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48 Sarah July 6, 2011 at 12:15 am

Thank you, your words are heart felt and I appreciate your honesty! Yes, we all have hidden art! xxx

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49 Angelarpadilla July 7, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Edie,
Thank you for sharing.  I love the verse from Jeremiah that you used.  I had never heard it before.  I started reading a book last night, Water’s Edge, by one of my favorite authors, Robert Whitlow, and guess what verse was in the first few pages of the book?  Jeremiah 6:16!  I love it when God repeats Himself.  I pray that your new home will be a blessing to you and your family.  Psalm 36:7 “How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!  People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”
Angela

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50 {darlene} July 8, 2011 at 7:15 pm

i love you, dear.

your art has always compelled me. He shines through you, one of His masterpiece creations.

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51 heartland farmhouse July 9, 2011 at 12:46 am

Wow…Bless You!
I don’t think I’ve ever commented over here.  Though I read often.
Thanks for sharing a part of your HEART!

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52 heartland farmhouse July 9, 2011 at 12:48 am

Wow…Bless You!
I don’t think I’ve ever commented over here.  Though I read often!
Thanks for sharing a piece of your HEART!

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53 wildroars July 15, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Edie, I haven’t read your blog in a few months but knowing what you went through and empathizing.  You are so blessed that no one was hurt and you have everyone in your loving family with you and well.  It’s a miracle!  It’s God!  Thank you Jesus that this precious family is together, all together.

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54 Brooke Arceneaux July 29, 2011 at 4:39 am

Oh!! I just love this so much!  What a wonderful, beautiful post. It really speaks to me. And warms my heart that through such a scary tragedy you continued to look to the Lord. =)

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