{one of my favorite inner rings, forged by time and trial and good fortune}
It can be intimidating to go to a meeting of five hundred smart, opinionated, quite successful women. Let alone women bloggers: that’s another category altogether. And when 500 women gather at Blissdom this week, there’ll inevitably be 100 little groups of 4 or 5 women huddling and laughing and talking about all manner of topics, as it should be. We seek out those with whom we have much in common and hope to make true connections. But lurking closely is temptation to what C.S. Lewis, in his book The Weight of Glory, calls the ‘inner ring’. And we often perceive that we are somehow just ‘outside’ it. You know the ‘inner ring’ well from high school; the group of girls that are inseparable and exist for the sole purpose of excluding everyone else from their circle. The group is usually not a natural, organic group that forges easily because of the like interests shared by the parties. It’s a group that has the appearance of including the ‘important people’ or the ‘people in the know’. And it’s sole existence is exclusion. The allure for the inner ring only works if there’s an imaginary line of admittance which is guarded tightly by those already inside. Lewis points out what many of us already know;
If all you want is to be in the know, your pleasure will be short-lived. The circle cannot have from within the charm it had from outside. By the very act of admitting you it has lost its magic. Once the first novelty is worn off, the members of this circle will be no more interesting than your old friends. Why should they be? You were not looking for virtue or kindness or loyalty or humour or learning or wit or any of the things that can be really enjoyed. You merely wanted to be “in”. And that is a pleasure that cannot last. As soon as your new associates have been staled to you by custom, you will be looking for another ring.
The quest for the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it. But if you break it, a suprising result will follow. If in your spare time, you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside, that you are indeed snug and safe at the centre of something which, seen from without, might look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that its secrecy is accidental, and its exclusiveness a by-product, and noone was led thither by the lure of the esoteric, for it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do what they like to do. This is friendship.
What we seek to establish and strengthen are friendships. Inner rings are unavoidable, necessary, and often innocent wholesome groups. It’s our desire to be admitted for the sake of being “in” and our pleasure at others’ exclusion that ushers in evil.
So, remember that the people sitting with you are likely the most interesting, kind, passionate people at the conference. And when you find, perhaps unawares, that a cozy inner ring has formed, be thankful for the gift of true fellowship, which never has exclusion as its’ touchstone.
See you at Blissdom!
Thank you Ruthanne for introducing me to PW’s photoshop actions (used on the above photo). I see an ‘inner photography ring’ in our future. Anyone else wanna join?
